What a delightful write! I too have a July birthday but have never read of such an imaginative and fun write that I hope was half real as it would be a great gift to some lucky 40 year old. The pool and Renew take it a bit into the area of fantastic fantasy but what fun. Your dialogue spot on and the description of the cake explosion, "Chocolate went everywhere. And not just chunks of chocolate, but it was now chocolate spray. All over the dining room, the guests, the cowering dog under the table." brought a smile to my face. Fun, enjoyable and well-written.
So sublime in its descriptive qualities...the reader is brought in with all senses...sound, smell, the feel of a changing atmosphere both ambient and emotional...a wonderfully skillful use of word choice and rhythm makes this write admirably refreshing in every way! "plipped and plashed and marbled dust
and rustled softly over roofs
or freckled on the window pane." these lines capture with uniquely created and observed details expressed with the authenticity of someone who has lived and experienced every drop of these feelings, fulled with unspoken hope and fear. Fabulous write...submit to agricultural journals.
A wonderful beginning or end to a fully develop short story or novel...this is a gem of an idea that deserves exploration into expansion into a fully written work. The most intriguing line, "I was in a pasture, a bull’s nose in my face." that could mean death, heaven, a type of hell...almost anything. You have a wonderful thought here...a scrap of paper in many ways that could lead your writing into a place you haven't yet explored.
Very Clever story told with direct and believable dialogue. I especially like this exchange ""We won't get caught. I've made sure of it this time. Just be sure that you don't actually try to draw this one. Abstract--completely, utterly abstract. If it looks like a poorly drawn example of him, it won't work. Purely, 100% abstract. Okay?
"Yes, Johnathan. But it's not going to work. I feel sick."
"It will--oh, hello, my lord."
The change is tone and shown to the reader through the use of italics is a brilliant means to ease the reader from the reality of the situation into the plot of tricking and narcissistic Lord into the belief that someone of no value was indeed a painting of great worth and merit.
Beautifully executed. Writing as story that conveys so much with the use of dialogue alone is a great art, one you as an author have done with great success. However, It might have been helpful, as a suggestion to add more description to the story although that might also have changed the purity of the telling. I think this is a fabulous and fun write.
What a wonderful write with a beautiful message conveyed so well with this quirky situation you created with the planes and skywriting...I'm so very impressed. The dialogue is perfection and the calmness as juxtaposed to the terror palpable. I'm new here so this just came up. I see it was for a contest but just read it now...wonderful!
Sweet story with realistic dialog for how I wish children were still taught both manners and discipline...smart mom too if only there were more who realized how important their position is to train their children how to behave and treat one another for the rest of their lives. Lovely lesson in ideal family dynamics. Enjoyed reading it.
"Come, Muse, don't sit there in a huff;
there's work to be done over here." Such a relatable frustration creation! Your talent for rhyme is fabulous. I doubt that your Muse doesn't actually know who is the boss. Lovely meter and phrasing. Shows great command and ease of handling a universally felt subject so very well.
"Our love is like gunfire, you can feel it for miles" what a tremendously commanding metaphor! as well as, "everyone looks for the seeping wound
Secretly hoping it was them"
You display a story command of language and the ability to capture emotions handily. The brevity of the last stanza adds to its potency and you claiming this love of yours as yours.
This is very powerfully written. Partner Abuse is a horribly potent force that, as you write, destroys a person's ability to realize and take back the power given through both fear of punishment but even more so loss of love and acceptance - if one accepts the premise that they are worthless because one person chooses to use a personal lack of self-esteem as a weapon in a relationship. Your words convey all the tangled emotions involved in abusive relationships and the bargaining that victims go through cyclically. Fight or flight are not the only responses available there is also Find out about support groups and organizations that can help provide perhaps a long-term third option.
Excellent write!
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