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Review Requests: OFF
91 Public Reviews Given
94 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I tend to respond to a piece as a reader first (what I liked and didn't like, how different parts of it affected me in different ways, places I got confused, etc) and as a writer/editor second (technical stuff, structure and word usage, and generally trying to articulate WHY I liked or didn't like various elements).
I'm good at...
Fakin' it 'til I make it. I'm not an expert on writing or reviewing, but I figure if I look at a piece from as many different angles as I can I'm bound to find something useful to say.
Favorite Genres
Umm... YA? A lot of my favorite pieces happen to be science fiction or fantasy, too.
Least Favorite Genres
I'm not that into emotional poetry or personal essays. Epic fantasy also doesn't do much for me, especially long pieces with lots of tricky names to remember.
Favorite Item Types
I like short stories, chapters, form poetry, free verse poetry, and even activities. I'm not fussy!
I will not review...
I won't review a whole novel unless I'm really enjoying it. I'll happily look over the first few chapters though.
Public Reviews
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26
26
Review by RainbowFish
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
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Hi Soulrider! I recently joined Simply Positive, and thought I should start out with some intra-member reviews to get to know you all. Hello!

A nice overview of the history of evolution. You covered many of the key (or at least, most interesting) points. If you were planning on expanding this piece, I would suggest explaining why the events you listed are significant.

I liked that you gave simple explanations of complicated things. I especially like your definition of Eukaryotes.

Other things could have been explained a little more. For example, I don’t know what a microbial mat is, and wondered how it related to graphite and life.

The first thing I saw when I looked at this was a big block of text. Breaking it up into paragraphs might make it less imposing.

Grammar was perfect, which is essential for educational pieces. That, and the simple sentence structure, made the article easy to understand. Nicely done!

Thanks for the education. I’ll see you around!
27
27
Review of The ADHD Question  
Review by RainbowFish
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Intro

I don’t know much about ADHD. I’ve heard of it, and know the general definition, but nothing more.

As such, although I followed the logic of what you were saying, I found it difficult to evaluate the validity of your claims. It would have been helpful to have concrete examples your son’s behaviour, with explanations, to illustrate your points – like how you gave the concrete example of the neighbour.

More along those lines, all the different acronyms at the start were a bit overwhelming. I recognised ADHD and ADD, but didn’t know what ASD spectrum was, and combined with all the other As and Ds but just seemed a bit much. I’d suggest spelling them out the first time they’re used, with the acronym in brackets.

It would also be interesting to hear more detail about the school that knew understood how to teach your son. How did they do it?

Your voice was strong throughout. It was effortless and enjoyable to read.

Overall an engaging and informative piece. Thank you for sharing.


P.S. I’m currently running a contest for short essays or poems: "Week-Long Rant-a-thon" 
If it sounds like your kind of thing, I'd love to have your entry!
28
28
Review of SUMMER:a haiku  
Review by RainbowFish
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hi M.C! I saw a review praising this poem, and came to see for myself. I was not disappointed!


Content:
A simple poem, beautifully and eloquently describing the timeless flow of seasons.

The connection between melting snow and “tears” was especially poignant. I liked how most of the poem used accurate, objective, almost detached descriptions, but that in the last line you gave emotion to the landscape.

Sound:
The short sentences worked really well. It was powerful and resonant.

Form:
I’m not sure I’d call this haiku, even if it is in the 5-7-5 structure. It’s got MORE in it than most haiku—you just convey the image more concisely. And the sentences make it sound more rhythmic than traditional oriental poems. But whether it’s a haiku or not, it’s an engaging poem.

I very much enjoyed reading this poem. Thank you for sharing!
From RainbowFish
29
29
Review of i was here  
Review by RainbowFish
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*

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Hi Marlow! I saw you were tying to get reviews for this piece, so here are my comments.


Praise:
I really liked the framing. Lots of people complain or criticise younger generations, and I usually tune them out. Because it wasn’t immediately obvious what you were arguing, you drew me in, to try and understand what you were saying. Engaging people who agree with you is easy—engaging people who disagree is much more impressive. I’d guess your poem does both. Nicely done!

Originality:
From slang to graffiti to social media, you found new and interesting way to phrase common criticism. Your words were stimulating and different. In my opinion, this beautifully exemplifies what a poem out to be.

Another comment:
The third stanza was interesting. I wasn’t quite sure what you meant, but my interpretation was: Although the most recent generation is receiving criticism now, it’s really no different than previous generations, who were all criticised in there time as well.

Place of confusion:
“Oppressed by their freedom
so that the younger ones
the future generation
are hailed as kings for moving a pebble”

“hailed as kings for moving a pebble” alludes to the common criticism of participation trophies and the like. “Oppressed by their freedom” was a really nice line, probably my favourite line in the whole thing.

However, I was a bit confused about who was oppressed, and who was hailed as kings, as they appear to be different generations. This would mean that one of them is different to the generation featured in the rest of the poem. I wasn’t sure which one, and made me uncertain how to interpret what you are saying.

Sound:
The repetition of phrases and structure worked well to make the entire poem feel cohesive. I liked how it sounded, too. I felt like each word had been chosen carefully.

Title and description:
I saw this piece a few times before I read it, because the title “I was here,” plus the fact that it is in the “tragedy” genre, made me think it was going to be a trite, self-centered, and uninteresting piece. It definitely WASN’T, and I’m so glad I read it despite my reservations. You may find a different title and a more suggestive description may attract more readers.

The more I read this poem the more I realised how good it really is. Thankyou so much for sharing!
From RainbowFish


P.S. I’m running a contest for short essays or poems: "Week-Long Rant-a-thon" 
There are some nice prizes as incentive, but not many entries so far. If it sounds like your kind of thing, I'd love to have your entry!
30
30
Review of Swan (Octelle)  
Review by RainbowFish
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Critto! I read your poem and thought you might like my comments.

Structure:
The first five lines are unobjectionable praise for a pretty animal. But then in the sixth line, it’s like BAM! not as passive as you thought! You don’t give us a chance to recover or drag us through the consequences. When you repeat the opening lines, they have new, almost sinister meaning, like we should be weary of this beautiful creature. I especially like the use of the word “cutting,” which didn’t seem so important the first time we saw it, but fits perfectly in the new context.

I really liked the way it built.

Rhythm:
I thought the line “Cutting through the surface, gliding” had too many syllables crammed in. I could see where you were going with it, as “Over pure white body so tender” and “Striking those deemed predatory” both had more syllables than the others, and that made and alternating pattern which worked quite well. However, I thought “Cutting through the surface, gliding” was stretching the concept just a bit too far.

I also stumbled a bit over “Majestic in all glory”. It didn’t have quite enough syllables, so I automatically stretched it out to fit what I thought the rhythm was.

Reading it again and forcing myself to listen to the natural rhythm of the words rather than what I expected, I think I can hear more what you meant it to be, and I think I like it. I’m not very good at reading poetry (I’m prefer a Dr. Suess level of handholding), so I think it’s my unsophisticatedness that made me not like it at first, rather than any shortcoming on your part. But, I sure lots of people are similarly unsophisticated, so if you care about that audience it’s something to think about.

Rhyme:
I quite like the rhymes. I like that you rhymed multi-syllable words, especially in places like “predatory/glory”, where they have a different number of syllables. It was fluid, didn’t feel forced, and brought together less-obvious matches than you sometimes see.

Thankyou for sharing! From RainbowFish
31
31
Review by RainbowFish
Rated: E | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*

Hey writer0!
Just stopping by with a quick review. I'm nowhere near an expert poet (I'm not even very good at reading poetry) but I thought yours was interesting, so I thought I'd leave my comments.

I could see that it was, technically, written in iambic pentameter (or something along those lines), but I didn’t get an overall and cohesive sense of rhythm. It sounded better when some words were given unnatural stress. (for example, the first line sounded more classically rhythmic when I made ‘style’ unusually long, and the second line sounded better when I accentuated the stressed ‘in’ of ‘inward’. It would be interesting to hear how you read it. I would guess at one of three ways you might:

1.          you read it with these additions and accentuations, and it sounds good
2.          you read it in a natural voice, and the rhythm just isn’t one that I’m attuned to appreciate
3.          you read it in a natural voice, and the rhythm is intended be technically correct but still not sit right.

The way you’ve awkwardly arranged the grammar in your criticism unnecessarily butchering their thoughts makes me lean towards the last one. If so, I think it’s very clever.

A clever meta-poem that is more than pretty words. I like!

Oh, and there’s a missing apostrophe in ‘that’s’ in the first line.

From RainbowFish!
32
32
Review of Three Haiku  
Review by RainbowFish
Rated: E | (5.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*

I’m not much of a poet, but I try to analyse poetic pieces as if I know what I’m talking about. Fake it until you make it, right? Hopefully I come up with something you can use, but if you think I’m wrong, I probably am. I also include my responses as a reader. These are honest and introspective, so even if the rest of my critique is complete nonsense, you should get some idea of what effect your writing has on people.

My responses:
To the first, I felt wonderment. Simple words in an arrangement I’d never considered. It made me look at a tiny bit of life in a different way. It also inspires thoughtfulness, as the consequences of this new perspective are not obvious.

To the second, I struggled to find the hidden meaning. The violence of the first two lines conflicted nicely with the broodiness of the third. The interpretation I came up with was something to do with blaming people who are apparently calm for the violence of others—eg the rich politely taking advantage of the poor and thus indirectly causing a riot. However, this seemed like a stretch, and more a reflection of what I already thought than a new thought inspired by the poem. It didn’t feel as effortlessly enthralling as the first one.

The third is even more puzzling, but in a good way this time. It’s like a riddle, and it was quite fun to figure out what it meant. My train of thought:
‘Concentric rings’ hints at a tree, but ‘pink’ doesn’t seem to fit that, and wait, is ‘rings’ a verb? ‘Universe’ on edge…everyone? Or not everyone? Maybe a small universe, like an ecosystem? Or the universe according to some self-centered subject? ‘On edge’…could that have a double meaning? A literal edge? What fingers unlocking what door?
As you might have noticed, I’m not so great with the riddles. I’m not so sure that matters, though. There was enough in it to be interesting and stimulating even if I didn’t understand, and I think that’s what ‘cryptic’ poetry should do.

Connection:
I’ve responded to each haiku as separate poems, because that’s how they read to me. I was unable to see how they related to eachother, or whether they were meant to. By the title, ‘3 haiku,’ I would say that’s how what you intended. If they ARE meant to be connected, perhaps you could hint to what connects them in the title or description. As it stands, the description doesn’t tell me much—it’s a familiar quote from somewhere, but I don’t know where, and I don’t really understand how it ties in to the content.

Descriptions:
I noticed in the first haiku, you didn’t attempt to paint a picture. There were no colours, like the other two, no vivid scenes. However, it was the tuning fork that I had the clearest image of in my head. I think that’s part of what makes it really shine—the noun speaks for itself, rather than relying on more detail to bring it to life.

Form:
I notice you’ve stuck stringently to the 5-7-5 syllable pattern. Based on the results, I’m guessing that the restrictions helped you to be creative. So, while the rigidity is clearly not a bad thing, I am much more impressed with the other aspects of the haiku form, which you’ve also done excellently:

All three have a distinct ‘turn’ in the final line. This is most apparent in the second one, with the tone shift, and in the first, where you provide an alternative answer. It’s less obvious in the third, but I think it’s still there.

Haiku does not include rhyme or meter, but that does not mean it should not sound good. I think you’ve used irregularities to your advantage. There places where it approaches where it approaches meter, as in “when crushed against the shoreline,” but it’s never enough to make me stumble when it ends. They all end firmly, soundwise, and feel well wrapped up. Basically, sounds good. Praise!

Things to consider:
You might consider using line breaks in different places rather than the comma in the first haiku. It would mess up the nice syllable pattern, but I don’t think it would be detrimental to the overall impression. Of course, I like it with the comma as well. Just something to experiment with when you’re feeling rebellious.

I enjoyed reading your poems very much. The first, especially, stood out as beautiful, simple, and insightful, and a perfect example of what a haiku should be. The creative and combinations of images in the last haiku were engaging in a different way. If you had more poems in your portfolio I’d definitely want to read them.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
33
33
Review by RainbowFish
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
Hey Smafas!

Praise:
The situation you've set up is a good one to set the imagination spinning, with plenty of cool aspects for contributors to explore. I liked that it was specific but open ended—plenty of room to be creative.

More praise (on the character descriptions):
I like how you described how the characters relate to eachother as well as their physical appearance.

Suggestion for future interactives:
That first chapter is super important for setting the tone of the story that everyone else can follow. That distinctive second-person perspective, if you want it (and from the character descriptions I'm guessing you do) needs to be set up here, otherwise everyone adding to the story won't know to use it. The current first chapter seems to be written in third person, so everyone else followed suit, and adding my own chapter I wasn't quite sure whether to go with the flow or stick to the style of the character description.

Overall:
I think it's really nice that you're putting so much publicity into an item type that doesn't get much love, but should. Good luck as it continues to grow :)

From RainbowFish! Hello!
34
34
Review of Memories  
Review by RainbowFish
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi Chris! I found this with the random-read thingy. Here are my thoughts...

Sound:
I liked some of the imperfect rhymes. I especially the the last one (this/less), possibly because of the "miss". The more exact rhymes, especially "ground", felt a little forced, like they were only there because they fit.

More sound:
In the same way, I liked how you didn't stick too stringently to the meter. However, these deviations made me stumble a bit, perhaps because I'm not very experienced at reading poems.

Subject:
I really liked the idea of the cost of memories. Those first three lines were gripping, and different. I also liked the final sentiment—being able to grow from an experience not meaning it's not painful.

However, the bits in the middle felt a bit more generic or mopey. The speak of "battle", "fever", "tearing the heart out of me", ect, didn't show me much of an insight in the nature of life, and they weren't specific enough that I got swept up in the story.

Overall:
I'm glad I got to read this, even though I didn't like all of it. Thanks for sharing, and I look forward to reading what else you've written.

From RainbowFish! Hello!
35
35
Review of Pick Me!  
Review by RainbowFish
Rated: E | (3.5)
Praise:
You captured the excitement of the moment nicely. I like how it built over the short arc, even though we pretty much knew how it was going to end. The little complications of the cold-footed brother and the seating arrangements added to the experience nicely.

Stuff other than praise:
Even though I could see and feel the excitement on the page, and appreciate your flawless articulation, this particular story didn't interest hugely. It felt kind of like looking through someone else's holiday photos--you can see they had fun, but it's not actually fun for you.

Specific suggestions:
The line about video games not been good simulations "in 1984" surprised me. I'm not sure anyone would argue that even modern flight simulations (at least, the ones accessible to the general public) come close to the real deal. Although, the line does contribute to our perception of the narrator's perception of today's youth's perception of media...and I've confused myself enough to forget what my point was.

Overall:
But it definately achieves what it set out to do, so I'm rating high even though it didn't appeal to me personally. I definately enjoy your style and voice, so I might check out your portfolio and see what else you've created!

From Rainbowfish! Hello!
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