Personal and emotional, this piece could tear hearts.
I immediately saw this piece to be of two parts. The "Death" part -- where you are hurt by the divorce, and the "Life" part -- where you saw her again and reconciled.
Now, I don't intend to sound mean, but I kind of expected the second part to be an illusion -- a fantasy. Probably because of the emotion of the first part, I expected a tragedy.
I'm truly glad it didn't end that way.
This is a very good work.
I hope you can visit my portfolio and read my works if you have the time!
This is very beautiful.
It sounded nice. The words are well mixed up. The whole thing seemed very mysterious to me, even though it's detailed and very visual.
It's rightfully brief and leaves space for some imagination on the reader's part.
I liked this very much.
So this is about the fighting in Mindanao? Interesting...
I can really feel the longing for peace in these words. I understand that this is a poem about war and fighting, but somehow, within those lines, I found something of a conflict between lovers, like a relationship breaking down. In fact, if the "Philippines-Mindanao Conflict" line was removed, one might think that this is something about love.
It would be good for effect and impact if details (of war, for example) were added. But it doesn't matter, the message was clear.
By the way, it is very refreshing to see a fellow Filipino posting here.
I don't know if this is meant to be funny, but I found myself laughing (internally) at it.
Some of the rhymes sound forced, but that seems to add to the fun.
I liked it. I would be really nice if you can extend this piece of work.
This is a nice poem.
It sounds good, especially when read aloud. The sadness can really be felt through those words and the longing at the end is palpable.
A little suggestion, though. "theirs" in the second line should be replaced with "there's". Just saying...
Oh, and turning the first line into a real question -- "Why do people have to die?" -- would have given more impact, in my opinion. I think it will project a feeling of sadness and desperation.
All in all, good work!
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