I have to admit when I see the word rapture, I'm usually thinking of the Apocolypse meaning!
I know writing a piece in just 24 syllables isn't easy. I went to the contest page, just to make sure I remembered the rules correctly. It does state that the poem must be 24 syllables exactly.
I can relate to your piece. I know that feeling when you just get lost in another world listening to music. It's quite healing!
I reread your entry several times:
In quiet reverence (6 syllables)
I listen to glorious music (9 syllables)
Held in rapture (4 syllables)
So divine. (3 syllables)
22 Syllables in all.
You're short 2 syllables. I don't know if you're able to fix it or not. But the contest does state it has to be exactly 24 syllables. Other than that, it's a nice poem that places the reader easily into the psyche of the listener.
Okay, either you're hungry or want to make your reader hungry! You succeeded! Now, I want to visit a Mexican Buffet!
You did a good job writing a poem that flowed smoothly with a good rhythm. An awesome job using the prompt. You made the rest of the poem fit around it nicely. Nice job
Hello Dorianne, I found your piece in the Read and Review link
Your love shines through your words to your daughter. Uncertainties are definitely the norm for the teenage years. There's an old saying you may have heard of:
When they're young, they walk all over your shoes,
as they grow older, they walk all over your heart.
These words are so true. Sometimes, it's a good heart moment, other times, it's a little rough. Teen years are hard -- it's a time when they're no longer a child but not quite an adult. Hormones are raging, along with their own insecurities and uncertainties. Just hold on for the ride, Mom. You'll both get through these years, and be hopefully well-rewarded with their friendship as an adult.
Hello, jubshaw, I found your piece under the Read and Review link!
WOW! I'm so impressed that you jumped right in, just joining our fabulous family today! Way to go! We're so excited you're here with us. Be sure to check into the site-wide contests and activities. It's a great way to get to know others.
Please note that this is only my opinion. Please use or discard as you see fit.
Oh, how I can relate to cold weather and hurting bones
Just the NE Georgia cold put me down. I couldn't imagine living anywhere even colder with my super strong bones! (That's my attempt at speaking things as I want them )
I really like the visuals you use throughout. You help the reader visualize each line read. Nice job!
I absolutely adore your first stanza! It's fabulous. It flows perfectly, pulling me in right away with strong emotion. Plus, being able to relate definitely helped me to empathize with you. I see you're following the abab cdcd efef, etc... rhyme scheme, with no set syllabic count. Your piece does flow pretty nicely. Some of the end rhymes are a little 'iffy'. With my southern accent, I can easily make many of them rhyme even when they don't. For example:
Even though I love your first stanza, the last word in line 1: on and your last word in line 3: moan does not truly rhyme. Say them out loud as clear as you can, you should notice.
I dread the winter's coming on
The trees without their dressings
I fear the winter's dark, cold moan
Long shadows without blessings
You can try re-writing this without losing the same syllabic count you have now, a couple of different ways.
I dread winter coming full-blown (blown and moan now rhyme)
or
I dread winter coming, and moan
I fear the winter's dark, cold groan or vice versa: groan then moan
You also have quite a few end rhymes that are singular, then plural. Usually if one is plural, the other is also. I do this in my poems sometimes also. It's easy to do.
This is my other favorite line:
Trees look like witch”s fingernails Fantastic line!
But since line 2 ends in a singular rhyme, so should line 4:
Trees all gnarled like a witch's nail
This is another great stanza in which I could relate all too well
My body aches and hollow feels
Furnace and fireplace are roaring on
But to me they don't seem real
No heat can reach into my bones
Just a couple of minor tweaks:
My body aches, a hollow feel
Furnace and fireplace are roaring zones
But to me, they don't seem real
No heat can reach into my bones
For your wonderful closing stanza:
You could reword the first line just a bit:
Line 1) Oh, winter don't you carry on
Line 2) With your dreary rain all amiss
Please don't feel like I'm picking this apart. I truly like this poem. With just a couple of tweaks here and there, to me, it would easily be a 5! If you do edit, let me know and I'll come back and reread and rerate
Thanks so much for sharing your writing with us. I truly look forward to reading more from you. I also hope to see you around the site!
Hello Rojodi, I found your piece under the Read and Review Link.
In this short little impromptu, you have already raised my curiosity. I would definitely love to see this turned into a story. It seems like it would have all needed to have one want to start reading and stay reading!
I only found one minor typo:
The veil that separated this reality and that of magic was pierced?
Hello, NOBODYLEARNS! Welcome to WDC! We're so glad you decided to join our friendly family! If there's anything I can help you with, please don't hesitate to contact me!
Please remember this is only my opinion. Please use or discard as you see fit. Interesting title and description. It is sure to draw attention to all those interested in the subject. (which I am ).
Have you considered shortening the title and description? To me, The Portal Station has a bit more dramatic impact. I'd consider following that up with A recruit's tale of his UFO experience
This way you're still saying the same thing, but with a shorter emphasis on title and description to raise the mystery of the piece.
You have a great idea for a really in-depth story. I'd love to see this fleshed out with added details. A bit of mystery and danger surrounding the big surprise at the end. This could make for a really interesting read!
If you do decide to edit and flesh it out. Please let me know when it's done, I'd love to re-read and review.
Suggestions - There are a few places you may wish to take a look at it and edit a bit.
Entering the ship, you can see about 6 people have already arrived on the ship.
Upon entering the ship, there are six people who have already arrived.
Moving away from the smell, the things that catch your eye the most, besides the crazy amount of colorful lights. Holographic technology, and excessive amount of Fog, is that big jerk you met in the waiting lobby. His name is Clade and he really needs to step down. “Your nose looks like a branch, liar”? Your nose is short and a slight darker shade of tan than the rest of you yet he still uses that every time against you and it gets annoying.
Moving away from the smell, there's an excessive amount of fog-like substance, and a flurry of different color lights. Upon a holographic pedestal, I spot Clade. He really needs to step down.
Here you move into first-person point-of-view (which I'd go ahead and make the whole story with that viewpoint. I think it will help your piece flow and will help you from switching back and forth throughout the story)
If you don't want to do that, maybe you can change it to something like:
I spot Clade. I hear he's quite the bully. He needs to step down.
calmed down and stopped laugh, for once... you could finally enjoy the view of space and learn that the Earth, is in fact, round after all.
calmed down and stopped laughing. One could finally enjoy the view of space, and of Earth, that's actually round after all.
Thanks so much for sharing your writing with us! I look forward to visiting your port again. I also hope to see you around WDC! Be sure to get involved with Contests and Activities!
Hello, Evan. I found your writing in the Read and Review Link!
I'm glad you decided to come back and try WDC again! It helps to get involved with the contests and activities going on. Also blogging and reading other blogs is a good way to get to know others. I look forward to seeing you around!
This piece has a lot of information. It's interesting, but I'd like to see more fluidity in writing this essay. Give us more of the story between the facts as you see and present.
I also think separating your piece into paragraphs would make for easier flow, and get your points across more thoroughly.
It would also help to fix your punctuation. Most of your commas and periods have a space between the word it should follow, leaving your comma resting upon the word that should follow the space after the comma.
expression ,formative
expression, formative
of the preys . Signals , grunts , assimilation
preys. Signals, grunts, assimilation
This is only my opinion. Please use or discard it as you see fit
Thank you so much for sharing your writing with us. I look forward to reading more from you.
Hello, NorahMae! I found your piece in the Read and Review link
Welcome to WDC! I'm so glad you jumped right in. Please don't hesitate to contact me if you need any help or just want to talk~ You'll find we're all a pretty friendly bunch who is happy to welcome you into our family
Wow! Absolutely fantastic job. I enjoyed everything about this piece. I liked the way you used indentions to aid in a deeper meaning of those lines ... to almost help the reader breathe those words.
I enjoyed how you worked the beginning into the middle, into the end -- good job weaving the sky, storm clouds, under the water, and the surface together.
The ending is very nicely done.
And I am back under the water
Begging myself to help
Hoping
Praying
Needing
Myself to help.
But the reflection of myself above the water’s surface does not save me from my misery.
Instead, she looks up at the sky above her
Excellent job reaching deep into ones' psyche!
Thanks so much for sharing your writing with us. I can't wait to read more from you!
Hello, Greg. I found your writing in the Read and Review link!
Welcome to WDC! It's so great to have you join our ever-growing family! If I can help you with anything, please don't hesitate to contact me. I'm so glad you jumped right in!
This is a beautiful poem. So well written. Your words took me right into the middle of the woods to this beautiful old cabin. Imagery and visualization stayed strong from the beginning to the end. Nicely done!
I love how you ended the poem as well. It left me feeling a bit nostalgic.
Thanks so much for sharing your writing with us. I truly enjoyed it!
I'm so glad I posted after you! This is the first time, I believe, I have ever read any of your work. I very much enjoyed it.
You have such a relaxed way of writing. Your story flowed beautifully. The accent was truly well done and believable. The three sounded like they had been friends a while and comfortable in each others' company ... but maybe not so much in the company of the pretty barmaid. Although, there was a bit of slick talk in there
The part about the antiquity student being afraid to go down into the tunnel made me chuckle aloud. I enjoyed the way you closed it out, leaving a bit of mystery where the reader can come to a conclusion on their own.
I was easily able to picture the surroundings in my mind and was able to do so throughout the story. Nicely done!
I look forward to visiting your port again soon and reading some more of your writings!
I know writing about death is not an easy thing. Kudos to you for stepping out of your comfort zone by not only writing about an emotionally challenging subject but also by trying a form of writing you're not used to!
Your second line is 8 syllables instead of 7
After I(1) whispered(2) in(1) her(1) ear,(1) = 8
Fixing that will help the flow.
One more thing I noticed is that you have the word, 'Year' twice in such a short piece -- which isn't always too bad. But I think if you can find a way to reword either the first sentence or the second-to-the-last sentence to eliminate one of them, it will help the flow.
I read this over a few times. The first thing that pops out to me is your love for your mom and the fear it was to face something so horrific. Those emotions come through quite strong. Well done!
Thank you so much for sharing your writing with us. I pray for you and your heartache
May is Mental Health Awareness Month
Do you have any mental health items in your port? Fill this out for a review:
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Theme/Subject Matter: The thoughts, emotions, and scenarios that run through your mind when someone asks the question which entitles this piece: What's wrong with you now? They may not come right out and ask this exact question but it's more than implied. Not only in their words but in their actions/reactions and expressions. It's a demeaning, harsh and belittling remark. The person asking this sounds like they really don't care anyway, and probably don't believe you.
It has been a question I've asked myself several times. Are you can even say it is a question I have punished myself with. We know the way we are feeling and what we're going through is very real. Sometimes, it's reality is so much more real than what we present to others.
Originality/Creativity: I like the way you took this question from an outsider and within a few lines you turned it around and used it to point at your own self. This is so true to what we do to ourselves. It's a harmful thought process that we need to learn to turn around,
Emotion/Impact: To me, this piece is very impactful. It stirs up conversations I have had with others and myself. It shines a spotlight on this line of negative thoughts and makes one realize the chaotic turmoil going on within their psyche.
My Favorite Part:
Emotions, like winds
over a raging sea.
This is my normal.
What's wrong with me?
I like this last stanza because it shows the ever-changing emotions that we go through. The way you ended the piece with the very question you've been tossing around your mind, to me takes some power back. You can almost take this as saying, this is my normal, so what's wrong with me? Nothing I can't take ownership over. I admit. I accept the truth. Do you?
I know you can go another way with this line completely--but for me, this reader chooses to see the light and the hope. Our emotions may be all over the place but as long as I'm aware I can work on bettering myself. Not everyone can say that.
Summary: A nice piece which takes the reader along on scattered thoughts, causing inner thoughts and reflections. Nicely done!
May is Mental Health Awareness Month
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Theme/Subject Matter: Being in a manic phase and how it can make you feel invincible. How should one react to being manic? Should they embrace the feeling or truly fear it? This writing takes the reader on a ride within a manic's episode.
Originality/Creativity: I enjoyed how the writer showed the different stages and uncertainties associated with being manic. It leaves the experiencer often confused and exhausted with a big mess to clean up when it's all over.
Emotion/Impact: Excellent job getting across the intense impact of different emotions one feels. Being manic may make you feel like a queen and someone who cannot be stopped but at the same time it brings up the emotions of not being quite sure of how to handle the situation. They're confused -- feeling fear vs. bravery, subject vs. royalty, fight vs. flight. All of these emotions can happen immediately after each other and all tumbled together.
My Favorite Part:
always driven to go against the norm.
this Empress needs her Crown.
it's such a thin line, insanity.
You are sooo right! There is definitely a very thin line between "normal" and "insanity"
Thank you so much for sharing your writing with us! I enjoyed it.
May is Mental Health Awareness Month
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Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #2188408 by Not Available.
Theme/Subject Matter: Be careful of judging others, for it doesn't take much for the unexpected to put your psyche into a tail-spin shifting your reality and opening your eyes to ways of life that use to remain hidden. It's easy to ignore what's going on around you and within other's lives if you have never experienced it. But be careful judging others. There's only a thin wall which separates the two.
Originality/Creativity: A raw writing of how it feels to be in a state of sadness, turmoil and depression. The title is excellent and adds to the body of work: how it feels to have, "The Demons In My Head" How the voices just never seem to stop trying to get you to sink deeper and deeper instead of renewing your mind and helping you to get better. Your definition shares that others going through the same are not alone! And a lot of times that truly helps one just to know they're truly not alone.
Emotion/Impact: The emotional impact of your writing shines through. The descriptive words and lines bring the reader into your world, sharing the pain of just trying to get through each day. One which feels like you're in the pits of hell. It's a tough fight just to keep going every day.
Summary:A sad, vivid writing which takes the reader on the torturous thoughts going through the mind of one in the depths and despair of depression and anxiety. Of how their mind is over-run with deceptive images and voices of flat-out lies. The sufferer can not get away because it's all internal. Causing their hell and demons to seem inescapable.
May is Mental Health Awareness Month
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Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #2188408 by Not Available.
Theme/Subject Matter: The damage caused to children who are abused. The physical pain hurts but the mental/emotional pain is carved into their psyche and soul for life. The scars that can not be seen are always the deadliest.
Originality/Creativity: The writing starts out as third person -- showing the reader the harm that is being done to the child and painting us a picture with strong descriptive words. By the end, the poem finishes in the first person, showing the reader that all defenses are torn down by hateful words caused by the very adult who is supposed to love them and aid in their spiritual growth, instead of causing their spiritual decline.
Emotion/Impact: This piece leads the reader throughout the horrid abuse caused to an innocent child. The impact of those words is even stronger for one who knows how this feels first hand. There is NO excuse to ever degrade another human being like this, especially one so innocent.
Summary: An emotional and strong piece of writing which shows how damaging words can be. Very sad.
If you doubt words have so much power, try a scientific test that can not lie: Try filling cups with water, for each positive action toward a cup of water, use another cup to do a negative action to: i.e: Pray over one cup of water, while cursing the other cup of water. Play soothing music or positive meditations to one cup of water and degrading rap or negative hard rock to the other. Make sure you mark each one. Do this every day to the same cup for a week, afterward, look at the crystals of water under a magnifying glass -- the positive action water will have gorgeous, clean crystals, while the negative action water will be gloomy, dirty and scattered. We are mostly made up of water, so it makes sense that the same would happen within our bodies/mind/spirit. You can look at these experiences up on the internet if you do not have a magnifying scope.
May is Mental Health Awareness Month
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Theme/Subject Matter: One in such depths of despair they're ready to take that ultimate plunge into death. One where you may not ever get another chance at happier times and growing stronger, as each battle is fought and overcome during life, the shield of inner strength grows as well. It's so important to never give up!
Originality/Creativity: A lot of meaning came across in a very few lines. The reader is taken into the turmoil mind of the sufferer.
Emotion/Impact: Strong emotion came through each line written. You did a wonderful job getting the pain and finality across in such a short piece.
Summary: This piece can also double for an analogy of how quickly depression can turn into deep despair where one feels like there is no return and they take that ultimate trip of no return. But just as quickly as this can happen, if you just hang on and keep fighting, the severity of your sadness can start to turn around. Always seek help and keep trying until you find help from the one you're comfortable with. Meds help as well, though it usually takes a month for them to kick in. Keep fighting the good fight.
May is Mental Health Awareness Month
Do you have any mental health items in your port? Fill this out for a review:
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #2188408 by Not Available.
Theme/Subject Matter: Heart-breaking bullying on the school bus of one little boy who is a bit different from the others and the not so obvious avoidance that accompanies his bus ride every day.
Originality/Creativity: I like that this was told by another child on the bus who not only recognizes the pain caused by this sort of behavior but also prays that he will quit adding to his pain and have the guts to do what is right and reach out to this hurting child.
Emotion/Impact: OMGosh! The emotion expressed throughout the poem is truly impactful. Tears were in my eyes. I think we can all relate to some extent to both characters in this piece. The pain by both individuals is well written and shared throughout.
Also, the fact that he did try to tell parents/teachers what was happening and no one would listen to him or take him seriously was also very emotional. How often does this happen? Everyone just ignores and hopes it goes away and before you know it you're visiting that hurt child in the hospital from a suicide attempt, or worse his funeral. We need to start listening to our children, especially to those statements we don't want to hear and do what is right, as well as teach them ways they can reach out one small step at a time.
My Favorite Part:
It’s a daily ritual
when we’re at his stop.
He slowly walks back toward me
and I find that my eyes drop.
The reason this stanza is one of my favorites is that it's something we have all been guilty of doing sometime during our lives. It seems like such a benign way of dealing with what we perceive to be an uncomfortable situation. When in fact it's adding just as much pain to the one you can't even look in the eyes for fear of having to relate to him.
My Suggestions: Sorry, but I feel like this piece is perfect as is. I don't have any suggestions for improvement. Excellent writing.
Summary: If this writing helps just ONE person deal with those who are a bit different, then it will actually help many upon many people as the ripple effect takes place. I'm so glad you wrote this piece and would like to see it posted in schools all across the world.
Hey Hooves! It's nice to visit your port and touch base with you.
WOW! I reread this poem a few times. It could have come from my own mouth. The passion is strong throughout. I felt a few different emotions -- confusion, hurt, anger, forgiveness or the want to forgive. With each read, I could feel your wheels turning trying to grasp all that's spinning around you. At least, that's what I see in what you say and don't say.
This is a very pretty poem describing the plight of snow flurries covering the ordinary, making the outside extraordinary for the short time of their crystal-form life.
I enjoyed the excitement exclaimed. The emotion came through strongly and added passion to your piece.
The stanza below is my favorite. Strong visual lines, helping me to envision the beauty and sweetness of the surprise snow participation.
Up they piled,
Like crystal candyfloss
Gathered on naked
Branches,
Icing Sugar
Across the cricket field.
Awwww... love it, Whata! Didn't know anything about it -- of course, that's not saying a lot I'm glad you were able to get it commissioned. Here's a small donation.
I hope life has been treating you well and not driving you too up the wall lately Tracey
Hello Sand Castles Shopgirl 739! I found your writing in the review mixer! Please remember this is only my opinion. Please use or discard what you like.
Title and Description - Excellent title and description. I think both are absolutely perfect for this short little piece. The title is bold and draws the reader in, while the description says it all. Nicely done!
Characters - The character is one who has suffered at the hands of verbal abuse. The piece clearly paints the sordid photograph of the absolute damage hurtful and emotional impactful words can have on ones' utmost being.
Setting - The setting is the result of verbal abuse and the very real physical damage it does to the one being abused.
What I like about your piece - The imapact of this one stanza could not be any stronger. You do not sugar-coat but show exactly how bad verbal abuse is. It does absolute damage to the soul and tears one down to a figment of what they once were.
Title and Description - The title is perfect for this piece and draws the readers attention. The description hints to us know what lies locked away in the suitcase and draws the reader in to read further.
Characters - The character is mainly the grandfather who we get to know through your narrative. We learn he is a hard man. Stern, somewhat unbending and unorganized,
Setting - The setting is mainly the suitcase and what lies within. Even though it is just papers it is also filled with a man's life who was not easy to get along with. Now, the grandson has inherited the suitcase and feels a need to organize it for the sake of family history. Even though he would rather stay away, he feels he has no choice.
What I like about your piece - The emotion in your piece came across very strong. Nice writing@!
Title and Description - The title and description is simple and does state what the lyrics are about. You may want to consider adding a bit to your description to maybe give an idea of the inspiration behind the words or stating what the lyrics say about Toressa. Just a thought.
What I like about your piece - It's a simple piece which shows the love you have for Toressa. The rhythm is over-all nice and slips off the tongue easily,
Suggestions - To add some depth, maybe have a stanza or two stating why you love her so much. Or even one about getting through hard times and the love you have for her still standing strong. Also, I think it would be nice with the chorus repeating in the last stanza.
Please keep in mind these are only my thoughts. Please use or discard them as you see fit.
Hello Jay Van! I found this piece in read and review
Title and Description - Your title "Carry On" shows what this short poem is trying to embody. No matter what happens, no matter the circumstances, one must get up, wipe the dirt from their knees and continue on! A lot easier said than done but in the end, it's what we all must do!
Your description, though short, gives the real reason behind writing these strong words. Rather a soldier for military or a soldier for our God or one just trying to deal with life doesn't matter.
What I like about your piece - Although short, you give encouragement to those reading and at the same time, this reader found like you were also talking to yourself.
Suggestions - This would be an awesome poem to expand on. You can do a lot with it to make it a truly inspiring piece.
Please remember these thoughts are only my own. I appreciate you sharing your piece with me.
This is truly a beautiful poem. Doves were mine and my husband's meaningful, spiritual and loving mascot during our 35 yrs. Butterflies have a lot of meaning for me also. I truly enjoyed the way you penned this piece, asking the reader to get involved with the words and actually think and meditate on them, not just scan over the words. I wrote a prose piece quite a while back called, Have you ever wondered? which this writing reminded me of. There's nothing like seeing pure white doves fly high over-head. It's really an awe-inspiring site!
Title and Description - Your title is of course what grabbed my attention. That along with the description lured me right in to read this very nice piece.
Characters - I absolutely adore and relish in nature and all the creatures within. You chose some magnificent creatures to add to each stanza. There was no forced lines, rhymes or flow. Each line read beautifully and smoothly, along with each stanza following the previous. Nice job!
Setting - You painted the setting with your words. You brought the beauty you were writing about along with the emotion, to allow the reader get absorbed through your piece.
What I like about your piece - I loved your whole poem and thought you did a nice job with its' completion. But the third stanza really stood out to me in its beauty and creativity:
Does anyone know
where elephants die,
in secret graveyards
as the east winds sigh?
Suggestions - I'm sorry but I really do not have any. Enjoyed it immensely, just as it is now.
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WOW! I'm so impressed that you jumped right in, just joining our fabulous family today! 
Way to go! We're so excited you're here with us. Be sure to check into the site-wide contests and activities. It's a great way to get to know others. 
Please note that this is only my opinion. Please use or discard as you see fit. 
Oh, how I can relate to cold weather and hurting bones 
(That's my attempt at speaking things as I want them 
I really like the visuals you use throughout. You help the reader visualize each line read. Nice job! 
I absolutely adore your first stanza! It's fabulous. It flows perfectly, pulling me in right away with strong emotion. Plus, being able to relate definitely helped me to empathize with you. 
I see you're following the abab cdcd efef, etc... rhyme scheme, with no set syllabic count. Your piece does flow pretty nicely. Some of the end rhymes are a little 'iffy'. With my southern accent, I can easily make many of them rhyme 
Even though I love your first stanza, the last word in line 1: 
I do this in my poems sometimes also. It's easy to do. 
This is my other favorite line:
This is another great stanza in which I could relate all too well 
For your wonderful closing stanza:
Please don't feel like I'm picking this apart. I truly like this poem. With just a couple of tweaks here and there, to me, it would easily be a 5! If you do edit, let me know and I'll come back and reread and rerate 
Thanks so much for sharing your writing with us. I truly look forward to reading more from you. I also hope to see you around the site!
In this short little impromptu, you have already raised my curiosity. I would definitely love to see this turned into a story. It seems like it would have all needed to have one want to start reading and stay reading! 
I only found one minor typo:
Thank you for sharing this piece with us! 
You have a great idea for a really in-depth story. I'd love to see this fleshed out with added details. A bit of mystery and danger surrounding the big surprise at the end. This could make for a really interesting read!
Entering the ship, you can see about 6 people have already arrived on the ship.
Moving away from the smell, the things that catch your eye the most, besides the crazy amount of colorful lights. Holographic technology, and excessive amount of Fog, is that big jerk you met in the waiting lobby. His name is Clade and he really needs to step down. “Your nose looks like a branch, liar”? Your nose is short and a slight darker shade of tan than the rest of you yet he still uses that every time against you and it gets annoying.
calmed down and stopped laugh, for once... you could finally enjoy the view of space and learn that the Earth, is in fact, round after all.
Thanks so much for sharing your writing with us! I look forward to visiting your port again. I also hope to see you around WDC! Be sure to get involved with Contests and Activities! 
I'm glad you decided to come back and try WDC again! It helps to get involved with the contests and activities going on. Also blogging and reading other blogs is a good way to get to know others. I look forward to seeing you around! 
I also think separating your piece into paragraphs would make for easier flow, and get your points across more thoroughly.
It would also help to fix your punctuation. Most of your commas and periods have a space between the word it should follow, leaving your comma resting upon the word that should follow the space after the comma. 
This is only my opinion. Please use or discard it as you see fit 
Thank you so much for sharing your writing with us. I look forward to reading more from you. 
Welcome to WDC! I'm so glad you jumped right in. Please don't hesitate to contact me if you need any help or just want to talk~ You'll find we're all a pretty friendly bunch who is happy to welcome you into our family 
Wow! Absolutely fantastic job. 
I enjoyed everything about this piece. I liked the way you used indentions to aid in a deeper meaning of those lines ... to almost help the reader breathe those words.
Excellent job reaching deep into ones' psyche! 
Thanks so much for sharing your writing with us. I can't wait to read more from you! 
This is a beautiful poem. So well written. Your words took me right into the middle of the woods to this beautiful old cabin. Imagery and visualization stayed strong from the beginning to the end. Nicely done! 
I love how you ended the poem as well. It left me feeling a bit nostalgic. 
Thanks so much for sharing your writing with us. I truly enjoyed it!
You have such a relaxed way of writing. Your story flowed beautifully. The accent was truly well done and believable. The three sounded like they had been friends a while and comfortable in each others' company ... but maybe not so much in the company of the pretty barmaid. Although, there was a bit of slick talk in there 
I look forward to visiting your port again soon and reading some more of your writings! 
Kudos to you for stepping out of your comfort zone by not only writing about an emotionally challenging subject but also by trying a form of writing you're not used to! 
KEEP ON WRITING ON! 
Originality/Creativity:
I'm glad you were able to get it commissioned. Here's a small donation. 
Tracey
Please keep in mind these are only my thoughts. Please use or discard them as you see fit. 
