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201 Public Reviews Given
201 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Words you say  
In affiliation with Shadows and Light Free Verse G...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
The point of this poem is clearly a determination to not merely tolerate a bully (?)
But to even fight one.
The occasional half-rhymes are an interesting touch. If I were to change or add anything, it would be in the descriptions of both people. Being specific helps, but it may also compromise the emotional impact.
Good job.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of A Spring Haiku  
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Sweet scents, indeed! Well done..all the requirements are followed for a perfect haiku. Thanks for sharing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of I Need Coffee  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
You probably get a lot of sympathy with this story.I am among the millions who can relate to the clinic experience. Only thing is, our clinic has a coffee shop right there. I guess they learned.
This story was just the right length. You allow us to squirm in hopeful agony right along with you.
Well done.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Fools Regret  
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Dougal4. This is a very personal poem. The short lines here stood out. It adds to the intensity of the poem. The repetition in the last stanza is well done. I understand what you intend to accomplish with the repeating. It can be effective, but it's like seasoning. It can't be the whole meal. I think (and you can take it or leave it), you could add some money lines to tell more of the story (without getting too personal), and use the refrains to highlight. Of course, this is only my opinion. If I'm wrong, never mind.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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for entry "Moonlit Night" 
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like the concept of moonlight. The only technical problem is that you include yourself.there isn't supposed to be people in haiku, but including them is usually forgiven. The firm, otherwise, was consistent with five, seven, five requirement. Enjoyed your words.I can't seem to find this contest. Would like to enter some.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Winter Night  
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Very nice poem. I like the way it ended and it is all very natural. There are no errors and it's all good.
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Rated: ASR | (4.0)
This is funny. Can you imagine Batman in such a situation. There are a few volcanic islands in the Caribbean. It's beautiful, but one never knows. Ka-blew-y!
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Review of Kalida  
Rated: E | (3.0)
As the first chapter in this story, it sets the stage and gives the readers enough information to wonder what will happen next. It also prepares us for some analogy to racial issues or some other cultural conflict. Good at that.
You may want to check the grammar in the second paragraph. Also, could you use hyphenation for some of the clustered expressions like "larger-than-life" rather than 'larger than life'.
I await the second chapter...
Kawika


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (4.5)
And when the world is paper free, and the e-form is king, these will only be used by little girls to make necklaces.
Good job.
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Review of Why should I?  
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I imagine the 'fire' here is symbolic. You lead the reader to that impression near the end of this poem. You started with the sinning and reminded me that "you can't play with fire without getting burned".

There is a good use of enjambment in some of the stanzas. I am left wondering how the word 'slake' came about. It means to quench. Not sure how it fits.
Another enigma for this reader to mull over. I guess.
Thanks for the work.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a very funny story. All about language! Enjoyed. You are not alone.
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Review of Don't Let Them In  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I remember this contest. Thought I had read it. It has every part of a story you could want in 300 words. I like the tone you have and the approach to humor even in a dangerous situation.
Is there a sequel to this story? Look forward to reading more of your work.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Spring Ritual  
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Ken. I laughed at this poem. One advantage to living in a cooler climate is that allergy season is shorter. The rhyme in the first stanza is clever and the last stanza is also fun. Thanks for sharing. Look forward to more experiments in form. You have done perfectly!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Phoenix  
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I like the way this poem follows a chronology of events.
To add more emotional impact, try breaking the lines up a little more.
For a sweet, romantic tone at the beginning, try more end rhyming. The last word of one line rhymes with the first word of the next.
When you get to the last two stanzas, you want the poem to reflect the gut-wrenching pain you feel. Try shorter sentences.

Very good job. I only mention my observations for some perspective. I'm certainly not an expert.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Destination  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Is this poem supposed to relate to the picture?
If so, seems to be about the changing seasons.
Enjoy these short poems they are a challenge.
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In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Well done. This poem has a very strong rhythm. The varying line length seems to add to the powerful effect.
It seems ironic that silver is merely a highlighter and enhancer, and this poem is a defender.

To answer the question posed at the beginning, I haven't figured it out. Glad you have.
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Review of Dawn  
In affiliation with Shadows and Light Free Verse G...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi I found you again in the contest we both entered.
This poem was full of colors.I would have had to consult a thesaurus to find them all.I like the details and concrete language used.
There are an unbelievable number of birds in this poem as well.
While the bulk of the poem is of pleasant things associated with dawn, the mention of pigeons turns to a rather ugly image. Well, that's my impression of pigeons. I may be alone in that assessment.

This is a very thoughtful and energetic poem. While there may be areas for improvement, they aren't numerous enough to matter.
Keep up the free verse.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Wisconsin is a beautiful place! You have captured the landscape and the game at the same time.
The rhyme and rhythm flow smoothly. Your words carry a lot of emotion.

There are some opportunities here for an even better poem.
Some of the lines work well as refrains. If you repeated the line "Welcome to Green Bay" in the first part, then dropped it later, it would give the poem a certain ring.

Keep up the good work.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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for entry "Laughter" 
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thanks for the image of laughter!
You have captured the alliteration and assonance in one line "soft sweet breeze"
Good job. Haiku and senryu help us develop economy of language. Try writing one a day and see how easy it gets to fit your thoughts/impressions into 17 syllables. Hey! then you can tweet! Ha.

Enjoyed this outstanding example.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Oh Cramp 22 lines  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very funny. I know the feeling. And sometimes you just need to go for a drive. I have a few stream of thought poems. If i posted them here, i would have a lot of explaining to do.

I see you wrote it a while ago. So did you get your vacation? I mean,January. Is it cold where you are???

Only one possible typo in second line."drawn into a cramps" ?


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Is is dream or real? That is what I'm left with. This is good in a poem. I like the classic tone with the archaic language.
The image of a horse and carriage is good, too. It implies a date (is that the dream?) without overtly saying it. This is a good technique.
I had to struggle with the third stanza. The iamb is not as obvious in: To thee proposed would I ever be wed? The word ever is stressed on the first syllable and the word 'be' is unstressed. That leaves the end of the line with a stress.

If I'm wrong, never mind.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Sisterly Chat  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Funny. Its too late to take Early retirement! just kidding.
The interesting thing about fantasy is naming characters. For me, I quickly forget who is who. But by giving the two characters names that fit their roles, You have eliminated that issue.
Thanks for a good story.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Saved By A Bug  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A charming story! Did you write this in only 5 minutes? I thought the title referred to an insect, but I was delighted to know that it referred to my first car! Mine was a 1964 Bug. But this isn't about me.

I like the way you tell the story and include the description of what a pay phone is! We have to do that more and more, don't we.

Great story.
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Review of Me and Binky  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Yep! How one quickly forgets his friends! Ha! I like the way things turned around in this story. I also like the use of dialect in the writing. Not sure if he was arrested for marijuana or "using" his friend's credit card.

Nevertheless, a good story well told. Is this part of a series, or just your muse poking at you?


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of A Mother's Eyes  
In affiliation with The Poet's Place  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Good job.
This is better than some of the examples of sonnets. I like that you stuck to the form, also the way the story unfolds is logical. It seems that the mother is looking at her child in the first half. Thus, the description of the baby.
The second half is the conclusion from the poets view.
It seems to imply that all the life of the child, he will still be a baby in his mothers eyes.
The sonnet (in general) can get a little sing-songy sometimes, but you have avoided this by breaking the lines with punctuation.
A neat trick. Will check out some more.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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