This is well written and well thought out and I do not find myself contrary to anything you've written or the manner you've written it in. It's very brave for you to put this out there for review and critique. I'm not going to get overly involved in structure, grammar or spelling, nor will I visit the other points of composition writing as it is obvious that this was written from the heart. As far as politics go, and only because this is the subject of your submission; I point out that there are other candidates to consider, the press picks two from the main parties and gives them all the air time it also carefully manipulates our feeling about them by choosing what images to present. In the case of other candidates; it is not throwing your vote away, it is sending a message of not them.
My personal feeling as an invested citizen, with 20 years of military service and literally bleeding for my country, is that the national conventions have done us all a great disservice by not screening the candidates more carefully, they have rallied blindly behind their party and the hell with the rest of us. As you point out the President is supposed to be the best of us and that hasn't happened for a long time under two party politics, FDR was probably that but he still had moral issues associated with being upper crust.
I give you high marks for bravery, thoughtfulness and deliberation. Continue to grow and widen your field of vision, you will be a terrific mother and are more than worthy of your citizenship which is more than I can say for either of the front line candidates. Hilary is an effective politician but when it comes to leadership she is not effective at all and when in crisis is too slow to make decisions or follow the recommendations of those more experienced. Her motivations are power based just as is Donald's. Widen your view and you'll be surprised how many of us think exactly as you do.
Be Well and I wish you the very best of all things. Yes, I read the whole thing and was happy for doing it.
This is very informative, but the dialogue is hard to follow without attribution or naming who is speaking. If you break up your paragraphs into separate lines for each speaker and name them it will be much easier to follow.
You information for the crown of thorns is spot on, but you know that. As pacific and Persian gulf diver I'm very familiar with COT issues, it's natural predator the Triton has been sadly reduced by shell hunter especially in the region of the Philippines.
Finally the last paragraphs regarding the snorkeler is out of place and deserves it's own submission as a separate story/article.
Once polished up this would be an excellent submission for Readers Digest, especially if it is based on actual occurrences.
General: This is well written but has a great deal of repetition of the same phrases, you can clean it up and enhance the readability by paraphrasing or omission, Example: You use "Grace Fellowship" several times, while I recognize that this is the proper name of your church and is technically correct it distracts from what you're really trying to tell the reader about. Which is accepting difference and celebrating differently enabled through good works and shared spirituality in the worship of God.
Plot: is appropriate
Character Development: N/A but your character Steve shines through.
World/Scene Building: Not needed but you do give a feel for fellowship.
Structure: Appropriate
Tone/Voice: Consistent
Just my thoughts and observations, use them or discard them as you wish.
You've got a great idea here, but it needs some polish. I'd recommend you do a reread and then some cutting. Prune down your sentences a bit for better clarity.
General: This is a great idea.
Plot: plot is solid and streamlined
Character Development: Spend a little less time physically developing your characters, with hints the reader will do that for you.
World/Scene Building: Solid, just enough.
Structure: It has a beginning a middle and an end that are clearly defined in the story
Tone/Voice: Your voice is consistent through-out
Great effort but needs polish. If you want more specifics send me an e-mail
Hello Alex, I'm going to list some observations I made while reading over this, they are for the most part only my opinion. Great job setting an idea and creativity to print.
General: there are a great number of simple typos, repeated words and punctuation issues throughout the document. I didn't catch any spelling issues.
Plot: The plot seems solid though there are distractions from the plotline; such as the interview with Billy's sister. That and the observations on the mother would do fine as a separate chapter but in this document they are only distractors. If you go back and cut this to the bone you'll make it much stronger.
Character Development: Characters are fairly well defined but what the reader wants to know is "What about Billy?"
World/Scene Building: World building is solid, I felt immersed
Structure: There is a solid; beginning, middle, and end
Tone/Voice: Tone of the story teller is consistent
Again these are only my observations, the story idea is solid; it just needs some polish.
This will be difficult to review/critique. Your imagery is pretty solid, and I think I understand what you're saying about just being you. The rhymes are a bit forced and sudden but that's not always a bad thing. Meter isn't an issue, I don't think because this looks a lot like freeform. Effective.
I enjoyed this, it's rhyme and meter are easily felt. I noticed one thing "waylaids" perhaps you meant "waylaid"? The choice is yours of course, but it did glare a bit. Very seasonal and well done.
I wish you the best and thank you for composing this.
Poetry is a difficult thing to critique, it is different from one writer to another and also from one reader to another. That said, I enjoyed this. The images are vivid, the emotions sharp and dull; as they should be. So, call this one a success.
I rather liked this, it is brevet and concise. It lays it's feeling out for all to see. The ryhme and meter are all well done. It's not easy to rate poetry normally but this is an exception. Good luck in all your endeavors and hope to see more from you.
Poetry and versus is a difficult thing to comment or critique on because they are someones feelings set to paper or in this case the screen. This offering has a certain feel to it that is pleasant and it of course rings with wisdom. The meter is a bit difficult to follow when spoken but it reads well. A gift deserves a gift, that is one of the most ancient laws and it pleases me to have the opportunity to rate this poem.
Let's call this a sonnet. Your emotions are right there for all to read. Well done. This can only get better with reconsideration and a bit of editing for rhythm, rhyme and meter. It pulls the heart. Read it from the bottom up and see what comes to mind.
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