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474 Public Reviews Given
2,621 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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176
176
Review by Puditat
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Beautiful, touching story. It's quite a challenge to write a story with such a message in such a way that speaks to the heart and creates sympathy for, or even empathy with, the cause. Good job. It certainly deserved that pretty pink ribbon.

"And for a while I though that" - thought
"Most people are fine, but everyone so often someone" this is a little muddled, I think it just needs to lose the 'one' off of "everyone"
177
177
Review of Anna  
Review by Puditat
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Sad and sweet. This could almost find a home in your folder of 'darker' pieces. This story builds very nicely.

"Maybe the path was slippier than usual" - slippier? Maybe rewording would get around the difficulty of this word. Something like, 'Maybe the path was unusually slippery that day'

"By the time we managed to radio the main land and get a helicopter to take her to hospital, the fever had settled in and although she hung tenaciously to life within a week my Anna, my love was dead." - I believe this sentence is too long and needs some commas in the last section to make it flow smoother. I would try breaking it after 'settled in'; start the next sentence at 'although' and then add some commas where appropriate.

"ageing man all on his own on an island" this wording could be simplified a little e.g. aging man alone on an island

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