What I liked: The amazing detail in this piece. Just enough, not overwhelming.
What I didn’t like: "deep darkness of the night" - This line, to me is a bit redundant.
Misspelled words: Didn't find any.
Grammar or punctuation errors: None.
My suggestions: "blown from their hinges into the darkness" - what about tempest, instead of 'darkness'? To me, tempest holds more movement feel.
Overall: I really liked this poem. To me, it came across as an extreme metaphore of a trying time in someone's life. You were able to bring all that out without ever coming right out and saying it. Very impressive.
Nice job. You do not write like a 16-year-old. One of the things that writers need to learn to do is to show things in their writing, rather than telling them. You seem to have a good grasp of that already, at least in this piece. I liked several of the lines in this, such as "grazing on the insights of others" and "gossip quietly whispers like the wind."
Keep on working with similies and metaphors. You use them well to get your ideas across.
One suggestion; watch your spelling. queitly (quietly) and diversly (diversely). It distracts from the flow.
Nice poem, wonderful imagery. You paint a vivid picture with your words. I don't know that I would call the love of a child foolish, though...maybe trustingly? Or trusting? I line the way you separate each word in the second line of each stanze with a period. Breaks up the reading of it with pauses. Very nice.
This looks like a good start to a story, and it's caught my interest. Your main character is the perfect bored teenager in class. There's a couple of parts where you might want to consider making a few changes, though. Not everyone is close enough to high school algebra to know the LCD means least common denominator, and the back and forth between class and what's going on in her head seems a bit choppy. If you put a bit more detail in, it might smooth out the transitions. I only found 1 misspelled word: my mind already 'wondering'...I think you meant wandering.
I hope you continue on with this; I'd like to read more and find out what happens.
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