The storyline is very good. I do see a few small problems, mainly spelling (which really looks, for the most part as typos, no biggie) and some grammar and punctuation. I noticed a lot of past and present tense that seems to interchange themselves, (don't sweat it, I do it all the time in my rough drafts).
I would very much like to view more of this short story and see how it develops. I'm hooked, I can't wait for more Sincerely,
LadyScorpion
P.S.
The last paragraph is a little of a run-on.........hope to read you again soon.....
Okay, let me stop laughing and I'll get serious...no, really, wait, my sides are splitting. Whew! Oh that was a very good laugh. Your comedy on the situation the piece involves is just rivetingly funny.
It's the structure of the work I would take a closer look at. Have someone else read it to you aloud and see if you can't hear where they struggle. If they are honest enough to give you some healthy criticism, have them point out where they may have difficulties.
Absolutely brilliant!
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ladyscorpion/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/2
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.19 seconds at 4:30pm on May 18, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
