Very well written Kristy! I appreciated the role reversal where you made the male character the one seeking a modeling career and acceptance with an agency. Women are classically targeted with being overly body conscious but I've known some men who were equally obsessed. The fad diet discussion you included was spot-on accurate too. The only issue that struck me as being a bit odd was that Sam was a "Type 1 Diabetic" Type 1s are usually diagnosed at a very early age, that's why it is also referred to as "Juvenile" diabetes, Type 1s are insulin dependent. One would think that he would have had trouble at a much earlier age. Again, well done and keep writing!
Well done Laura, this is a solid introduction to the character "Corrine" you have created. I am confident that you will take Corrine (and your readers) on an adventure through time. It could be time immortal, yes? Be well and definitely keep writing!
Hi Ali! Your poem does indeed convey the darkness of your spirit at the time you wrote this. Thank goodness those sorts of feelings don't last forever. The only corrective comment I would make is on this: "Humanity with strip you naked and flay your skin from your flesh." Perhaps you meant this: Humanity WILL strip you naked and flay your skin (or flesh) from your BONES. Just a thought, otherwise very well done. Take care and keep writing!
Oh, that's rich, not the character, but the story. Did this take place in Portland, Oregon? I can easily picture an upcoming episode of Grimm... one of Juliette's fellow veterinarians... ah yes, revenge can be particularly sweet when served correctly. I'll have to find one of those flash-fiction contests and give it a go, could be fun!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts Joy. This one is a keeper so I'm bookmarking it to use while I'm editing/rewriting my work. Often, I find it easy to cut extraneous words or rearrange a sentences to make the subject more clear. I'm fairly new to writing so I'm still practicing with elements like plots, sub-plots, back story, antagonist(s) motivation and such. Thanks for offering additional ideas for me to consider!
Nice premise for your story Jungurait8, it sounds like a solid beginning to a good mythic tale. May I kindly suggest the following ideas? It was a little difficult for me to follow the sentences because all of them were centered. Reserve using "center" for your title and, if you expand this to additional chapters, for the chapter headings. The only time I use "center" for an entire work is when I write poetry. Title in center format, then the rest of your story should be either left aligned or justified. I like using the justify format because (to me) it offers a clean presentation -- like in a published book, the sentences are justified so they all end in the same spot on the page. If you would like other suggestions, do write. Good work and keep writing!
Ah, J. A., your tale (tail?) of woeful cats has made me so very glad I found new homes for my cats before driving 3000 miles from my home in Maryland to Idaho. Egad, you had enough friends to go 50 miles away to help you move AND help (even for a short while) take charge your cats? I don't even know seven friends that would go that far for me. The rest of us should be so lucky. It was more than enough for me to have my 2 dogs (black lab & German Shepherd) suitably harnessed in the back cargo area of my Subaru Forester. Your story has prompted me to try a humorous piece about that trip!
On to the review portion: Your set-up and delivery as well as descriptions of the events were very nicely done. Thanks for implanting the visual (and olfactory) images of your trip. I need to go blow my nose. Take care.
Thank you Roselle, I needed that. I have difficulty reviewing; particularly when a work has widespread grammatical or spelling errors I tend to skip it altogether and offer no review at all. I am more apt to work to understand a criticism when a review can find at least something positive to say. If I cannot find the positive because I've been trapped in a quagmire of mistakes, I let it go and move on to the next item. Is that poor practice? And now, another question: When you wrote, "Was it the reader's intention that the story affected you that way?" did you really mean, "...was it the writer's intention..."? Again, I thank you for your time and effort you share!
Thanks for sharing your ideas on how to change passive to active phrases. I’m more familiar writing technical business documents, not prose or fiction. I’m highly likely guilty of this infraction. I'll go plug your poison passive verb list into my current word document. Merry wanders off cringing that Rixfarmgirl will sadly shake her head in dismay at what may be yet another passive review. 5 stars for you, even if I didn't get it. :D
Beautifully written Snow. Your ability to convey the setting and situation shined through your deep feelings of sadness. My condolences to you and your family on the loss of your grandfather. He was blessed to have had you near him as he approached the end of this journey. Keep writing, you're inspiring to many.
Do I know you or are you just incredibly similar to a warrior I once knew? You have good deal of courage remaining within you... perhaps, as you slowly recover your confidence you will eventually recover your warhorse. I know from personal experience that what is "most certainly is NOT true that when you are at the bottom things can only look up. Face down is face down and tweaking your perspective doesn't change that." You have to be willing to roll over before you can look up. It's in answering your personal "why bother" question that you may feel the tiny stirrings within that it is indeed, time to move on.
O I do like this tale... Your seeker-savior warrior Faolan. The inclusion of the prologue set the setting and tone for what is to come. I particularly like: "This world is filled with a darkness that infects the hearts and souls of those lost in its shadows." because it so aptly describes how our human real-life world sometimes seems. Wishing you well with your writing. I just went to your website and bought: Kaptito Kero: A Heart Held Captive By Grace (Warriors of the Kero Book 1) will be auto-delivered wirelessly to ******''s Kindle via Amazon Whispernet. You can go to your Kindle to start reading.
Very nicely crafted Brit :) You've captured and offered the tone, feeling and setting of your spooky poem. Could an Edgar Award be in your future? (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edgar_Award) I could see you developing this poem's them to tell a mystery tale... How did your character come to be in "this grave place" was it by some dastardly deed done him (her?) or by ravages of time? I wouldn't mind seeing a previous version to compare the two.
Your story left me wondering whether the worms were some that had fed upon a dead, evil, maniac and carried the maniac's spirit to infect other unsuspecting victims.
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