So emotionally charged, what a delightful read; welcome to writing.com!
Title: The title fits the subject matter just right, peaking a readers interest, yet not giving away the storyline =-)
Style & Voice: I love the conviction in your voice, you know you were terribly wronged and show it truthfullly and emotionally, making others feel as you did, brilliant- this is how you want to be as a writer, natural and heartfelt. I enjoyed the style of the poem, as well; it told a story through the poetry.
Word choice: The words were very well chosen, there were few areas I'd suggest tweaking. in the line "...made me sometimes wonder"... I think it might flow a bit more smoothly on the tongue, if you switched wonder and sometimes, leaving sometimes at the end. See if you like it; it is up to you =-)
Figurative language: there was plenty of figurative language in here, one great example was " and liked to see my tears." and " a light in her shone". these both figuratively give us the idea of the extremes from when she was cruel, to seeming to change, to even more cruel.
Rhyme & Rhythym: You have a natural flow in this poem and it the ryhming doesn't seem forced. great job! =-)
Structure & Form: The structure and set up of this poem marries well together. =-)
Imagery: All of your imagery has a fresh and deep emotional appeal, despite the fact that you are telling a story that almost all women experience in some form- betrayal. I love the transition of the characters in this poem and how you illustrate so well, what those "controlling" friends are like; how thety drive your friends away and then hurt you.. I'm sorry that you went through this, it is so hard when betrayed like that, but you can feel confident in the fact that you tried your best and were genuine in the relationship =-)
Theme & meaning: well, I think I got carried away and went into that in the last category, lol. Your theme and meaning comes across perfectly clear and is told in a way that many other women will read this and feel a kinship with or empathy for the writer/character.
Personal Opinion: Loved the poem, the writing and it's general storyline; you are a budding new rose of a writer! Keep up the exceptional writing; I'm pleased to welcome you to our Site. =-)
Welcome to writing.com and what an engaging read this was =-)
Title: the title was appropriate and unique; it drew me in .
Plot: The plot seems firmly grounded, an almost fate-like meeting of two young people, which leads to "a little fun and games". The plot moves forward pretty smooothly and I had to keep reading, Because I just had to know what was going to happen next. Great job ! =-)
Style & Voice: Though all are teenagers, all the characters have unique characteristics, separating them from one another; i especially like the detailing on the voice of the exchange student and how the friends of the main character reacted. Your writers voice is strong and unique, it shows in the work =-)
Referencing: There were many details on the goings-ons and surroundings of the school; everything was referenced correctly and helped bring the scenes to life.
Scene & setting: All the scenes are clear, suppported by the scenery and move the plot forward.
Characters: All the characters are believable, and different from one another. The main characters are more clearly defined, but the minor characters are portrayed just enough to be supportive and not pull attention from the main storyline. Great Job =-)
Grammar & placement: Awesome on your grammar; I only found one mis-spelled word. In the line " I was pulling his by his collar", his should be him. Jusdt a typo, no big deal =-) On one paragraph, where the last line ends "...Gossip Girl's last night." I might add the next comment, "I fail to understand why they like it so much." to the end of that paragraph, leaving the following character comment to stand alone.
My personal opinion: I thought this was a very imaginative, enjoyable read; you penned a great piece =-) Some of my favorite lines were : " .... All I saw was Mr. Murray's lips moving to screamo." and " ...my hands found purchase in his auburn, shaggy hair."
Title: a fitting title that holds clue to the poems meaning, but doesn't give it away; I like that =-)
Style & Voice: I am always intrigued by your writing voice; you are always entertaining and meaningful in your writing . Im new to poetry but, you form is consistent and flows well when read aloud =-)
Word Choice: Everything is original and there a no cliche`s; as Id expect from reading your work in the past . Favorite parts include "In the chilling cold, for crimes untold The condemned marched in a row" and " amongst the dead, her severed head rolled down among the heap; then rest on its side, eyes opened wide powerless to even weep".
Figurative language: There are many clues in the poetry as to which figure in history this might allude to; I lthink this is perfect as it draws you into the emotion and not just the facts.
Rhyme & Rhythm: Your wording flows well on the tongue and is melodical to the ears, despite its dark subject matter. =-)
Structure & Form : Technique and form are consistent and the resulting poem appears flawless =-)
Imagery: the imagery is bold and gives great mind pictures, pulling one right into the jeers of the crowd and despair/resignation of the accused.
Theme & Meaning: the theme seems to be about some condemned nobles in history; my personsal guess is that its about Queen Anne Boleyn, but I am partial to that era. Please let me know if I guessed correctly, I'm a young history buff =-)
Personal Opinion: A fabulous poem; I loved that its about historical times, but the writing itself is awesome =-)
Title: the title is just right and fits the subject.
Style & Voice: Your passion comes through in the poem, you have a strong writer's voice. The style seems to be a free-verse ryhme, which is done with emotion. =-)
Word Choice: Your word choice is great, the only thing I might suggest changing are only minor spelling issues that we all have. * "through" should be "threw" on lines two and six. No big deal =-)
Ryhme & Rhythm: The poem has a very natural rhyming flow to it; awesome job and wording! The only suggestion I'd make, in the spirit of kindness, is to maybe try replacing the "and" with a "," in the line " ..and that I was a disgrace." I only suggest it In the spirit of helping one another to make our pieces shine, what you do is always your choice. =-)
Structure & Form: you seem to be doing a free-verse rymhe, though I myself am still learning poetry types. It is truthfully and passionately written, I loved the flow of the piece.
Imagery: the imagery in the poem is quite clear and suoerbly done; the reader is drawn in with the character, feeling right along with them.
Theme & Meaning: it's very clear that this piece is about Mother-Daughter struggles and relationships.
Personal opinion: I think you did an awesome job on this poem; There was very little to make suggestions on. Great job and a very warm welcome to you for joining writing.com =-)
Title: The title is quite appropriate and does the piece justice.
Style & Voice: I love the flow of the monologue; the emotion of the situations and characters came across clearly.
Word Choice: I was dazzled by the word choice; your flow was quite natural. Way to go!
Figurative Language: The entire last paragraph was especially deep, and could hold universal meaning to many readers.
Rhyme & Rhythm: Your flow is great, nothing seems forced or out of place.
Structure & Form: I enjoyed the structure in this piece, it fit the mood and subject perfectly.
Imagery: The imagery comes off as original, yet also many readers can relate to the poem. Everything fits with the expectations of such a phone conversation.
Theme & Meaning: The piece illustates well a young person going through the very difficult circumstance of an ill parent, and the loss of previous parents and/or parental figures. The character is coming to a realization that they want to spend all the time possible with the one that is here now.
Personal Opinion: The poem was deep and truthful, I loved it... The only suggestions I can make are minor spelling errors, and we all have them =-) In the second line I would suggest "into" instead of " in to Hospice" and in line six, " been doing to well" should be " too". I thoroughly enjoyed this piece, I look forward to reading more of your work =-)
Sweet! I love this piece... You are so right, people fear the silence, yet when they talk just to talk they hang themselves with their words... while others find the silence a sanctuary... Great title, the words have a smooth flow to them... Great Job!
wow, bvery powerful words... I love it... The title fits well. Your words flow smoothly and nothing seems forced... I really love the message in this piece... Im impressed =)
You did a great Job! I understand feeling amateur though, all us newbies do =) The only change I'd suggest is " your fighting" should be "you're fighting"... an easy fix. I like it; sounds like the start of a great choose-your-own novel, though I'm not sure if that is where you intend to go with it... If you did though, what a cool starting to one of those... Welcome to Writing.com ! =)
I am hihgly impressed with this piece! I love the way you took a death and told it from each survivors p.o.v.... The tilte fits well. The characters are all clearly defined and separate... no spellcheck or grammar errors that I see... truly iyt was your words that stuck with me though; I liked iit so much I read it twice! Great Job!
Its a great beginning... I certainly hope you continue working on it. One of my interests happens to be Criminals and the Criminal Justice system... You did an awesome job on the character.... You did so well on the character, that I could've been reading a real-life account ( like an Ann Rule book). Keep up the great writing, can't wait to read more =)
Wow... you write how I feel about the world/society today. I feel most have the attitude that your poem illustrated. The rythm and sound of the poem was beautifully melodic, in the way that the words flowed. I loved it and wouldn't have you change a thing!
Oh, wow... very powerful writing! Loved it.
You create a scene well, I could imagine it all. I'm not sure whether you may be using this as a scene or short story, but I enjoyed it thoroughly! Welcome to writing.com :)
Plot: The plot moved forward smoothly and enjoyably.
Style & Voice: Well, I always enjoy your writer's voice, and I wasn't dissapointed by this piece. The characters are quite clear and separate entities, and the dialogue of the chef remains in the same tone. :)
Referencing: All elements support the time, place and characters of your story.
Scene/setting : The scenery you set is just right for the story. I found no inconsistencies .
Characters: The characters come off very clearly. Their voices are clearly different and remain true to themselves. Great job on the chef's dialogue :)
Grammar: I found no grammar issues.
my overall opinion: I enjoyed the peice. It created stimulating visuals in my mind and I lauged out loud. Always love reading your work. :)
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