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Review Requests: ON
406 Public Reviews Given
473 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I like to give friendly advice that I hope will help, not harm.
I'm good at...
I enjoy picking out spelling mistakes. Bad punctuation also bothers me.
Favorite Genres
Fiction
Least Favorite Genres
poetry, fan fiction, fantasy, anything erotic or about death, gay or lesbian
Favorite Item Types
flash fiction, short stories
Least Favorite Item Types
long stories, novels, poems, lyrics. I don't write them so I don't feel as though I can review them.
I will not review...
Anything erotic or with cruelty to people or animals. I will not review anything dealing with the gay/lesbian lifestyle.
Public Reviews
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101
101
Review of A Friend  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Somawrites. I am reviewing this piece on behalf of The Talent Pond.

Nice friend. I like this. The few things I would do differently:

I would not capitalize when. You haven't capitalized words after the word 'that' in the piece. saying that When fear

I would add a space after each entry. That would make it easier on the eyes, make it easier to read.

And then: To be continue.... I think it should be 'to be continued'.

So those are my suggestions. Take them or not. You have your own style.

By all means, 'Write On'.

Queen NormaJean in the Kingdom of Green

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.


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102
102
Review of The Diagnosis  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Wicked. Simply wicked.

I have only one problem. In one line you spelled "Purser" Avenue then later you spelled it "Purcer" Avenue.

Write On.

Norma Jean


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103
103
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Jay O'Toole ! I am reviewing your writing on behalf of The Talent Pond.

My Thoughts: I chose this piece for one of the contest winners because I thought it had some promise with this preacher as a character. Perhaps he is a lone voice crying in the wilderness or perhaps he is truly mad. You the author have the choice of which way to go with the novel. I, for one, think the crazy preacher idea would be a more challenging idea to present. But seeing your posts that may not be the way you want to go.

My Favorite Part: You evidently know the Bible and your Bible characters. If you truly want to appeal to that audience, stay true to your roots.

My Suggestions: I did see that you used punctuation in excess, in my opinion. Perhaps you could eliminate some of the commas. There are also a few misspelled words. banister should be bannister. Mockingbird's Here the apostrophe is not needed, as you are using a plural noun, not possessive. You used the word downcase. Did you mean to use downcast?
Though disconsolate, there was no mistaking of that voice for Matthew. I read this as the voice being not that of Matthew's. Perhaps rewording it a bit to read: "Though he was disconsolate, Matthew heard a voice he could not mistake" or some such way.

Thank you for letting me read your work. Good luck in your writing. Take my suggestions or reject them. Everyone has their own style.

Keep Calm and Write On!!

Norma Jean Queen of Grneyes *Crown*

"Writing is magic, as much the water of life as any other creative art. The water is free. So drink." Stephen King





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104
104
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Dog pack! I am reviewing this on behalf of The Talent Pond. It seems the well laid plans of the Mayor went awry. Quite a ride you took us on.

My Thoughts: I did note a lot of misspelled words. A good read will reveal these. Its' used incorrectly quite a few times. There are also some instances of punctuation errors as well. Again, some editing on your part will help.

My Favorite Part: The town is a ghost town, flat and dusty, black and desolate. Nice description. I can see that in my mind's eye.

My Suggestions: What the future holds for humanity I do not know in exact detail, but I know it will be advantageous for everyone, it will be something they will want it will be our creation. We will guide them in the direction they should go, we will. This sentence seems just a bit long. Perhaps you could consider rewording it, or using some punctuation to make more of an impact.

You have a good idea, and with some work this could be a great story. These are my suggestions. You can take them or not. You have your own style.

Good luck in the contest.

Keep Calm and Write On!!

Norma Jean Queen of Grneyes *Crown*

"Writing is magic, as much the water of life as any other creative art. The water is free. So drink." Stephen King





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105
105
Review of The Present  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Simply lovely. I enjoyed every bit of this story. The perfect gift was found and even better, enjoyed.

I have no criticisms on the piece. I saw no flaws.

Thank you for letting me read this.


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106
106
Review of Morning Glory [B]  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Perfectly wonderful and sublime. Your way of thinking and putting words down constantly amazes me.

I love this rendition of the Moody Blues music. But then I like anything orchestral, always have.

Cheers,
NJ


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107
107
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Dear Mastiff,
Yes indeed, homemade is always better. I too like to bake. Today I made a torte. Basically a meringue with some flour, spices, apples and nuts. We'll have it for dessert after our main meal. And of course, for our supper. And snack. Then for breakfast. Baking. A great way to have great food, especially if like you do, you make it healthier with good ingredients.

And what is with the nut allergies now? No one was allergic to nuts when I was growing up, not even when my kids were around. Weird. I think it's all the processed food everyone eats. Another reason to make your own!

Bake sales - some people bring store-bought cookies and cakes and breads to resell. That's cheating in my opinion.

I did find one niggly little problem: They're high in antioxidants they contain the omega-3 fatty acids. I think you need a comma in there.

Well, anyway, good article. I enjoyed reading it. Good luck in the contest.


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108
108
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Great fun. Love it. No criticisms from me. I'm just glad I wasn't invited since I don't like trolls or elves or such.



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109
109
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Clever play on city names. Isn't it supposed to be Ooltewah? I lived in Collegedale for a time. Seems that you misspelled that name, but maybe that was the intent? Maybe so since it's in alphabetical order.

Brings back memories of that beautiful part of TN - but I still love MT.

Queen Normajean *Crown*


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110
110
Review of Allusion Infusion  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Ha, clever......'speak of life without having lived it' - I love that line. Boy, could I tell some of those people some tales that would curl their toes.


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111
111
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Thank you for sharing your story. As someone who has had two brain surgeries, one for a brain tumor and a subsequent surgery for a spinal fluid leak, I think that any time there is any problem with your brain, it changes your life. It changes your life, your brain's chemistry, everything! Now I can't prove that scientifically, I can only prove it because that is what happened to me.

I suffer from time to time from migraines. But luckily they are not as bad as what you have. I pray that someday you can find relief from your suffering. They say Botox is a miracle drug. Since this was written in 2008, and then in 2010, perhaps that wasn't an option at that date.

Good luck with your writing. I have no criticism for this work. Good description of a unique problem.

Keep Calm and Write On!


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112
112
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Welcome WindSpirit3 to Writing.com. I am reviewing your work on behalf of The Talent Pond.

I was swept up in the energy of your travelogue, it simply exhausted me as I read this. Sounds like it exhausted you as well.

You seem be drawn to nature as your safe places, and I can understand the draw. I too find Yellowstone and the Grand Tetons as the most beautiful areas in the world.

If I could change one thing about this, I would leave out the dots and dashes. It makes the entire work look unfinished to me and makes it hard to read. Using regular periods instead would be cleaner in my opinion. Then I would go back over this and work on the spacing perhaps.

I did see a typo - banjo's - should not be possessive. But that was the only misspelled word I saw.

So you took us on a wild ride. Work on this a little bit more and I think this could be good.

These are my ideas, take them or not. You have your own style. Good luck with this.

Keep Calm and Write On says Queen Normajean *Crown* currently battling *Grasshopper*




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113
113
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Amen, but I would capitalize 'Bible'. Since it is the word of God.


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114
114
Review of MULE RIDE  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello dreamscriber ! I am judging this story on behalf of The Talent Pond, and also as part of an assignment for Birthday Bingo to celebrate Writing.com's 20th birthday.

My Thoughts: You state this is a children's story. I see nothing in this story that would appeal to a child, of any age. The language to me is stilted, that is to say, too formal to appeal to a child. It doesn't read fun or playful to me, unless you are marketing this as a parody.

My Suggestions: I would rework this to make it more appropriate for children if that is your market. If not, then change the genre of the story. Perhaps I would reconsider some of the vocabulary. For example: the superior social class ? What does that have to do with this story? I didn't think this fit in at all.

These are my thoughts. You have your own style and you'll have to decide what works best for you.

Welcome to Writing.com!

Keep Calm and Write On!!

Norma Jean Queen of Grneyes *Crown*

"Writing is magic, as much the water of life as any other creative art. The water is free. So drink." Stephen King





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115
115
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello MaciM ! I am reviewing your idea for a novel on behalf of The Talent Pond, and also as an assignment for Birthday Bingo to celebrate the 20th birthday of Writing.com.

My Thoughts: I like the premise of your novel. You have some good ideas. This would be an ambitious project but doable with a good outline and good characters, which you seem to have.

My Suggestions: I didn't really like the idea 'a fire that was raring to go'. That somehow didn't read genuine to me, if that makes sense. Flesh out the characters to make them believable, make the settings beyond believable - make them so real that the readers can see themselves in that shop, that school, that centre. I think you get my point.

Welcome to Writing.com. Good luck.

Keep Calm and Write On!!

Norma Jean Queen of Grneyes *Crown*

"Writing is magic, as much the water of life as any other creative art. The water is free. So drink." Stephen King





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116
116
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello lilurawinters! I am reviewing this story in behalf of The Talent Pond. This is also in conjunction with an assignment for a contest for WDC Bingo 20th birthday celebration.

My Thoughts: You are a new writer to this site. I can see that you have an interesting idea here, but there are some things you will need to work on to make this little tale succeed. You need a beginning, middle, and conclusion. Along the way there needs to be some conflict. Then, of course, people need to talk to each other. And that talking needs to sound natural.

My Suggestions: My suggestion would be to totally rework the spacing, spelling and punctuation on this. You have places where there are capital letters needed - at the beginning of sentences, at the beginning of dialogue for instance. There are many errors and I don't want to list them all in this review.

I would read this aloud. That's something I like to do. Does it sound legible when it is read aloud? If not, then reword it until it makes sense. Rewrite, rewrite, rewrite, as many times as it takes to get it right.

Good luck and Welcome to Writing.com!

Keep Calm and Write On!!

Norma Jean Queen of Grneyes *Crown*

"Writing is magic, as much the water of life as any other creative art. The water is free. So drink." Stephen King





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117
117
Review of A Dream  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Well, I didn't see that ending coming. I think you need to use the word 'leapt' instead of 'leaped' for the dog action. I'm a grammar nerd and grammar nerds seem to like that term. That's the only criticism I have.

Darn. Sure wish he had made it!


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118
118
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Ahhhhh, the writer's life. Just think what the writer's of old could have donw with computers. Or not done. Would they have left manuscripts? Would we have the crossed out lines? misspelled words? first drafts? I got a book of Sylvia Plath's poems at the library's used book sale. It is interesting, not for the poetry, I tried to get into hers, too weird, but for the rewrites illustrated inside. Over and over again she wrote and changed and erased and redid.

I am sure she was fueled by her addled brain, maybe drugs?, maybe alcohol? But I also use caffeine. I tried to quit - but I feel like it is a legal drug, the last real one along with alcohol. It helps me, so why not? I know it's evil, but oh well. I also use Coca Cola. Never much for coffee.

I like this piece. No real criticism.
Thanks for letting me review


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119
119
Review of Carrying Fire  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
One word for you: coulee

Was the bike broken? may be better than broke.


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120
120
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Great little story. I like all of it.

I did have a problem with this however: he knew they were seething. I don't know how eyes can be seething. I think you need another descriptive term there.

Other than that, I have no criticisms with this. Good job and good luck in the contest.

Keep Calm and Write On!

Queen Normajean still battling the grasshoppers here *Crown*


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121
121
Review of Dinner Out  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I am reviewing this little tale on behalf of the Talent Pond.

I like the opening. You have the reader all ready to enjoy the wonderful meal. But what a surprise is in store for all of us.
The word pictures are great. I can almost taste the food. And there is nothing worse than a good steak cooked a bad way. Makes you want to cry, or hit the cook! And then you have to pay for the privilege of eating it, well.....

I did notice a problem here : 'Dessert was 'ever' worse. I think you meant 'even'. Other than that, I had no other criticisms.

Fun read.



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122
122
Review of The Face  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Well, if this is how you write using English as a second language, congratulations. A good job. There are some errors in spelling, punctuation and usage. But since they are numerous, and you are learning, I don't feel that I am qualified to teach you in this format.

I was taken in with the story, the drama of this woman on the plane. As she slowly fell asleep, into her dream crept the images and then awoke with a start. You hooked me into the story.

Thanks for letting me read this.


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123
123
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I can feel the pain and anger in the story. Unfortunately you told a story that is repeated often in this world.

Good use of the prompts, and as I like to do, think 'outside the box'.



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124
124
Review of The Handkerchief  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I like the image you used here, perfect for the little image you painted with words. One thing I did have a problem with was the wording : pursuing, alighted playfully . Somehow that just doesn't sound right. And I'm not sure why or how to fix it.

It's the word 'alighted' I think that has me stumped.

But it is a wonderful example of a 50 word story.




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125
125
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Well said. I'm so tired of all this. I can't even imagine how we'll dig ourselves out of this economic mess, and I hate economics. I'm just glad I live with a frugal man who thinks ahead and plans for the worst. If only our government would have done the same. Besides, is it even legal, what Trump did? Oh never mind, he's the President. Legal at this point is the least of our worries.....

Queen Normajean wants to live in a peaceful kingdom, she's searching now in the Tadpole Galaxy. *Rocket*
*Crown*


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