Very nice short piece that says a lot. I like the way you put a visual and actual physical feeling into describing how you feel - especially "my fingers are slipping from the rope that holds me up." Awesome work! I once heard a motivational speaker talk about how we have "blind faith." He compared it to the fact that we can only see something like 500 feet ahead of us with our headlights on at night, and we just have to trust that things are okay beyond that. Your poem reminds me of that, I thought what he said was very true and very inspirational.
Questions arise from the beginning and it's not clear whether they'll be answered, but that's not a bad thing because it makes one want to keep reading. The quick wilting of the roses when this is not typical make me wonder what is going on with the Princess that caused that? How long has this kind of thing been going on? Why would the prick of the thorn cause her serious illness? It seems a little choppy, as I had to go back and re-read several times to follow it. I like your visual descriptions of the characters but possibly sometimes there are a few too many words? For instance, the description of the roses is detailed but there's no description or explanation of how roses of that color came to be, what kind of roses they are, etc. And who the heck is Volny? LOL. The questions make me want to read more and hope that they'll be answered. It's a great beginning.
Five stars. I'm not a poetry writer and don't know all of the rules, but this really touched me both personally and professionally. I am "middle aged" and also work as a hospice social worker. Your poem flows smoothly, is easy to read, has deep meaning, is emotional, spiritual and visual. I can't find anything wrong with it. The piece is outstanding.
This caught my attention because I'm a professional social worker and a survivor of abuse and domestic violence. It reminds me of a quote that I heard this morning about how many times we have to learn the same lesson because it keeps showing up in a different pair of pants. I must say that I am very glad that it has a happy ending, I truly did not expect one. My favorite lines are "But not enough people tell the truth when you actually ask for it - Sometimes lying is necessary but most secrets are trivial." Tying your last line in with that "And they didn't want to look like liars" is excellent. You could take off on those and write an entirely new poem because those statements are so profound and true. Our best writing is often born from personal pain and experience. I am not a poetry writer nor am I an expert, but it felt like it could flow a little more smoothly. Excellent piece.
Love this! I especially love the visual of the bull typing with his hooves, and the facial expression of the human as she was "steamed" about having to wait for a computer. That made me laugh out loud, especially because she is personifying what one would expect the bull to look like in that state. And of course, living in a rural area myself with supposedly high-speed DSL that sometimes acts like dial-up, I definitely understand how it might be better to go to the library to work! Maybe I identify with so much of your writing because I'm a "bull" myself - a textbook Taurus.
I must still have my sense of humor because I do "get" you. I really enjoyed reading this and am looking forward to reading more of your work. I already know that you have an excellent ability to play with words - I envy that! and I love the descriptions of your alter egos. What especially jumped out at me was your reference to "Paying It Forward" as I definitely believe in that and make my best effort to live that way. Someone surprised me here at the first of the year by gifting me an upgraded membership, and I intend to do that for someone else as well - especially since they have no idea how much that blessed me. I've been trying to put that into words in my head for days so that I can write about it here. The puppy photos are a wonderful added touch. I was marveling this morning at my Beagle Boy's ability to make such human faces!
Oh my goodness, I am laughing so hard! You obviously are familiar with cows. I don't think I'm going to be able to drive to work (I live in Oklahoma) without thinking of this, especially if the original happens to come on the radio. It could flow a little more smoothly but I certainly couldn't do a better job. Extremely creative, unique and a very enjoyable read!
I really enjoyed this and I like the way that the reader has to read between the lines to get all of the meaning. You might be a little more specific about the meaning of the thread as I had to go back to the beginning and read that part again - but I really don't have any suggestions on how to do that. Very touching short piece, it does have the ability to warm the heart.
I haven't read your first two chapters, but I think that's good, because although I'm not much of a fantasy reader, it held my interest. It even makes me want to go back and get the backstory on this Selene creature. I do love the conclusion, it makes me want to find out what happens next. I like that simple "Oops!" It's not clear as to whether they knew that they are being followed, or how the character just slipped in there unbeknownst to them. Did the character stay back, try to hide or just stride along normally? I expect that you'll reveal their reaction to her presence in the next chapter?
My stomach's not feeling it's best today so I don't know how I feel about the banana pancakes and stuffed grape leaves combo. Is that a common combination in some locales? How is the food? What was the waiter or waitress that brought the food like? Typically they would have at least a brief conversation. You say the decor of the cafe is boring, try describing it a little further. Is it bare, bleak, shabby, etc., what is the atmosphere there? I'm getting that it's kind of cold? or weird? What kind of neighborhood was it in? How far was it from Mom's house, what was the weather like?
It might help to be a little more specific about where the big purple bubbling thing came from, even if you just say "As if from out of nowhere." How did it get away? Did it fly up or go "Poof?"
(I'm new here so please forgive me on the gift points thing, I've no idea how many to give and it doesn't seem I have an abundance of them) I'm sure that this is a draft and that you will spell and grammar check later. I am not a fiction writer so I admire your talent. It's really good, these are just some suggestions that might upgrade it a bit. Keep going!
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