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Review Requests: OFF
187 Public Reviews Given
195 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I use a review template format for 90% of reviews that covers feedback on the following: Overall Impression, characters, dialogue, plot, setting, grammar and punctuation, favourite parts and suggestions. It is an in depth review usually 1,500 + characters. May be less for flash fiction and poetry. Spelling, grammar and punctuation are weaknesses. I am uncomfortable reviewing poetry. I am taking a poetry workshop and hopefully as a result I will be much more comfortable reviewing poetry then.
I'm good at...
As an avid reader I know what I love. My strengths include looking for consistency of; plot, characters, setting and smooth flowing dialogue.
Favorite Genres
Mystery, Detective, Crime, Drama, Historical Fiction, Well Done Erotica, Romance, Comedy, Inspirational, Memoir and Biography.
Least Favorite Genres
Political, Poorly Done Erotica
Favorite Item Types
Short Stories, Flash Fiction, Novellas and Novels
I will not review...
Erotica containing: - no rape no pedophilia no bestiality, NO: blood, breath play or golden showers
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 2 -3- ... Next
51
51
Review of Goals  
Review by Rhonda
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Jeffery,

I just finished reading "Goals"  as requested. I hope these suggestions are helpful and that I have provided the honest and detailed review that you asked for. I do not mean to rewrite your work but sometimes it is the only way to explain my thoughts. I hope that you will take the review in the spirit it was intended and feel free to include or disregard as you see fit.

Overall Impression: I couldn't agree more. The value of goal setting both personally and professionally is very important for children and adults alike.

Suggestions:

I don't believe in "telling the reader" or stating the obvious so I would have started off with "Your at a basketball game..." rather than telling them to imagine. I was always taught it was important to show the reader not tell and when I look at the author's I enjoy that is exactly what they excel at.

Third sentence, "their" is plural so seat should be seats.
Fourth sentence, I would change to something along the lines of - The crowd was ripe with anticipation, this was going to be a great game.
Fifth sentence: The teams run to center court and the excitement of the crowed reaches a fevered pitch.
Sixth/Seventh sentences: Suddenly both teams stop, eyes wide with bewilderment. The backboard, hoop and netting has been removed from both ends of the court! There are no goals!!
Eight: The angry crowd was silenced as the referees explain "the NBA has decided that goals are no longer a necessary part of the game. The teams will be judged on how well they dribble, pass and run."

Paragraph Two

Sentence one/two Most people would agree that the very thought of basketball without goals is ridiculous.
Sentence three/four - You have used the word shoot and shooting to close together, perhaps change one of them from shoot to aim
Sentence five - believe it or not many people live their lives the same way. "I hope your life isn't like" that carries a potential tone that could be interpreted as looking down on the reader. We want them to identify with running in circles and selling this book as the solution to living with direction and purpose.
Sentence six - again removing the if you have (judgemental) and replacing with "Without goals, one would spend their time..."

Paragraph Three

I am assuming that this book is to be a motivational in nature, with that in mind you may want to switch to being more positive or having more of a balance. the people you want to reach are the ones who do not have goals so they have an idea of what is not working for them they want the recipe to success. Please keep in mind I have only read this one page and the rest may very well already be what I am suggesting.

Sentence one - perhaps something like, "In order to be all that you can, you need to identify what it is you want to achieve."
Sentence two - Not stating the obvious, the reader would probably know that it was the media doing the interview. So perhaps something like "When interviewed, individuals who have achieved great success..." Or if you wish to stick with the direction you were headed "You will never hear individuals who have achieved great success say..." and leave the interview part out all together.
Sentence four - I think the "No" can be removed all together.
paragraph three should end with the remainder of the Harvard info. Think it was probably just the way it was copied and pasted but figured I would mention in case.

Paragraph Four

Sentence one - I don't think that most pet owners have a goal of having a pet to feed and pet. I fully agree and support the finding but I think I would find an alternate way of saying it. Perhaps this is an unconscious goal??
Sentence two - ...and made a conscious effort to study the men he was imprisoned with.
Sentence three - described
Sentence five/six/seven/eight - They seemingly lost their will to live, and as a result died quickly. In fact very few survived at all just one in ten.
Sentence nine - The survivors always had a reason.
Sentence twelve - "There were also those who believed..."
Sentence thirteen - Goal setting is the key factor for achieving success.
Sentence fourteen - Not only do they make life more interesting but in some extreme cases it can make the difference between life and death.







Reminder: This review is my personal opinion which I hope I have done in an objective, honest and respectful manor. Only you can judge if the feedback is useful. If at anytime you would like me to review after changes have been made I would be pleased to do so. My personal opinion is that reviews are only helpful if they are honest and therefore they help us to grow. If we are doing things wrong we should know so we can learn. If we are doing things correctly we should know because we learn knowing what we did right and better yet we have a recipe for success. Thank you for sharing your work with me today!

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
52
52
Review of Draco Argenteus  
Review by Rhonda
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Metal Tiger,

I just finished reading "Draco Argenteus"  and I'd like to offer you the following comments.

Overall Impression: I am in awe of this story! I have never in my life read fantasy knowing that I do not enjoy it in television or movies. I found this gem tucked away in Random Reviews and figured it wasn't that long since you had graciously added length in the description, I would give it a shot. After all every writer deserves a review and that is what makes WDC the awesome community that it is. I am so happy that I chose to read your story as I absolutely loved it.

Character's: Your characters are beautifully written. The use of multi-dimensional characters were brought to life with descriptive wording you chose provides a clear, and captivating mental picture for its readers. The Caretaker so confidant and proud, the believers who couldn't wait to see and then, Krysal herself. Her genetic memory, her power and control. Everything she says and does clearly speaks of a leader. She is mythical, mysterious, intuitive and calculating. Love the ability to hide in plain sight. It is a great victory when she realizes that what they covet most is her. it is she they have been waiting for.

Dialogue: The dialogue is very well done. It is realistic and flows well. It advances the storyline and the characters are revealed piece by piece as necessary which is great pacing. The dialogue

Setting: while I am not 100% sure about where this story is taking place, It is clear that it is modern day and so very much has changed. It is a wonderful political statement (not sire if it was intentional or not) on how far we have come as a society. The price for our advancement and the damage to our environment as a result. We are only just beginning to see the damaging effects. Her making it clear that the city is wrong. Clean air, oceans, rolling greens are what is needed. The pollution she can deal with but she clearly longs for fresh air from her memories.

Plot: it is clear that this is only the beginning of the story. I appreciate the story this far but I am not sure what is at the center of the plot or where it is going. Is it revenge, is it going to be an all new way of life. is she going to be the first of many? There truly are many different wonderful directions you could take this story. In fact this concept would be great for a series of books. As it is at the time of my review it is a wonderfully written but incomplete.

Grammar/Punctuation: while not a strength of mine I did not notice any errors.

Suggestions: I felt a bit disappointed at the ending of this story because on its own it is unfinished. I am hopeful that there is much more to come. I will check back for more in the near future! hey a gal can hope. Thank you for a wonderful introduction to a new genre, I am grateful.

Reminder: This review is my personal opinion which I hope I have done in an objective, honest and respectful manor. Only you can judge if the feedback is useful. If at anytime you would like me to review after changes have been made I would be pleased to do so. My personal opinion is that reviews are only helpful if they are honest and therefore they help us to grow. If we are doing things wrong we should know so we can learn. If we are doing things correctly we should know because we learn knowing what we did right and better yet we have a recipe for success. Thank you for sharing your work with me today!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
53
53
Review of The Cleaner  
Review by Rhonda
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi {suser:A*Wandering*Faith!}

I just finished reading "The Cleaner"  and I'd like to offer you the following comments.

Overall Impression: A wonderfully written piece. The story was vivid and I could see it play out before my eyes as I read.

Character's: The use of multi-dimensional characters were brought to life with wonderful descriptors. The cleaner's self talk as he goes about his job highlights his humour, his self-confidence,
and explains the business he is in and his role in that business. He is cocky, well spoken and lives by his own code. In his own warped way, he had certain lines he wouldn't cross or allow others to cross. He was decisive, humerous, took pride in his work and an became an unlikely hero. His unexpected company, trench coats one and two had their own agenda and and never expected the cleaners response. Even though their appearance in the story was minimal it was the one interaction we got to see. The characters were well written, used to further the storyline and added some intrigue to what appeared a normal day in the life of a Cleaner. The unnamed woman spoke only with her eyes but it was enough to move the cleaner into action. Very well done.

Dialogue: The dialogue was minimal but moved the pace of the story to its climax. The dialogue was realistic, had good pacing and was well written.

Setting: the actions, descriptions of the fast food containers, the gluttony, the mahogany table, the drapery and veranda left the actual setting up to the readers imagination. With the introduction of the trench coats and another room it would have been nice to know where they were to get away with what they were doing.

Plot: the plot was clever and well executed. It had a certain amount of creativity to it with a twist at the end. An enjoyable story, well paced, nice sequence of events. Enjoyed as he worked the number of Chuck-isms that he shared via his self talk while he worked. It gave great insight into the character and the mob boss he worked for. The ending of the story was well done and a great place to stop.

Grammar/Punctuation: Grammar and Punctuation were flawless.

Suggestions: the only suggestions I can think of making would be to provide the reader with more detail on the setting. We had no idea if this was an isolated area or if there was an element of risk to the cleaner to get the job done, in and out unseen. What about the shooting? Did his impulsivity put him at risk, now what about the girl, what did she see, who will she tell etc. that would be a great place to go if you ever chose to take this story further. The concept and writing journal entries or more tales of the life and times of a Cleaner.

My favourite unexpected line was:

“...powders are easily distributed, whether scattered out over a beautiful lake or disseminated into various baked goods and delivered to the Jobs family, made no difference to me..."

A wonderful read, well done. Not surprised you tied for first with this contest entry. Richly deserved. Thanks for sharing this story with us it was a pleasure to review.

Reminder: This review is my personal opinion which I hope I have done in an objective, honest and respectful manor. Only you can judge if the feedback is useful. If at anytime you would like me to review after changes have been made I would be pleased to do so. My personal opinion is that reviews are only helpful if they are honest and therefore they help us to grow. If we are doing things wrong we should know so we can learn. If we are doing things correctly we should know because we learn knowing what we did right and better yet we have a recipe for success. Thank you for sharing your work with me today!

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
54
54
Review by Rhonda
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Augustine Gamull

I just finished reading "The Beginning of the End"  and I'd like to offer you the following comments.

Overall Impression: Your short story grabbed my attention and kept it through to the end. It was a wonderful story of suspense and mystery and was very well written.

Character's: John, was well written and believable. His nightmares are common to PTSD but an awesome twist to have the two stars of his nightmares show up in reality. Another awesome twist is his mom giving her his address to return his phone. We learned about John through his actions, thoughts and even his nightmares. Knowing his bachelor kitchen is a mess to his feeling guilt over not having been in touch with his mom. All of these things were well done and breathed life into his character.

Stacy and Jack were well written and advanced the story with the action in the scenes they appeared in. They created mystery and intrigue. They were so vivdly written it was a surprise to learn they were only a dream. When they appeared in real life they were much less vivid but the level of fear they created in John was palpable.

Dialogue: The dialogue was a little on the formal side. Not many people say "Who is here?" It would usually be who's here or a hello, anybody here. The majority of people speak in contractions and often a little slang too (ya rather than yes) where the dialogue you have written is more on the stiff side. Other than that the dialogue is great. Each piece of dialogue serves a purpose and advances the plot nicely.

Setting: The settings were described in a way that creates a vivid picture. The bachelor pad with the piled high kitchen. Each setting was a source of action and the actions showed the reader the setting within. Very nicely done.

Plot: the plot was full of twists and turns. The plot was carefully mapped, believable and clear for the reader to follow. The only part of the plot I disliked was the ending. After all of the action, twists and turns the ending seemed rushed and kind of blah after such a high emotional charge of the rest of the piece.

Grammer/Punctuation: There were no issues with grammar or punctuation that I saw.

Suggestions: If you read your dialogue out loud you will notice the dialogue is stiff and formal. While I loved the story I was disappointed in the ending. It feels as though it was abruptly ended in a dull way as opposed the high energy of the rest of the piece.

Reminder: This review is my personal opinion which I hope I have done in an objective, honest and respectful manor. Only you can judge if the feedback is useful. If at anytime you would like me to review after changes have been made I would be pleased to do so. My personal opinion is that reviews are only helpful if they are honest and help us to grow. If we are doing things wrong we should know so we can learn. If we are doing things correctly we should because we learn from that too! Thank you for sharing your work!

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
55
55
Review of Trail's End  
Review by Rhonda
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Ken,

I just finished reading "Trail's End"  To start I had to go wash my tear stained cheeks and pull myself together to complete this very worthy review. You are an exceptionally talented writer and each time I read your work I think it will be hard for you to top, until the next one. Thank you for allowing us the honour of sharing in your passion and your stories. This story warmed and tugged at my heart at the same time. Your words are so eloquently written that a vivid picture plays out in my minds eye as I read. I can see, hear, taste, smell and touch your settings, characters and plot. You breath life into everything you write. It is a rare gift, each time you complete a piece and allow others to share in what you have created you make your corner of the world a breathtaking place to be. A place where we can enjoy and get lost in all you have created.

Your characters are brought to life with descriptions, genuine dialogue and action. They are multidimensional and you show the reader what each character is through the roles you have assigned the,. Each character is unique and brings something wonderful the table by advancing the story in a meaningful way. The characters in this story all have very meaningful relationships that are highlighted by the setting you have chosen and the situation they each find themselves in.

Dialogue: The dialogue was wonderfully written. it is natural and easy flowing, it is purposeful and advances the story. It is understated and used powerfully. It taught your readers about the characters and their unique personality traits. The dialogue is boosted by gestures and actions to provide a clear picture.


Setting: The setting was beautifully done and my favourite quote that demonstrates both strong dialogue and setting is "Over the next few months, they designed and built the addition. Kate insisted that it have a big bay window overlooking the small pasture with its single oak. “I want our child to grow strong and stand tall,” she said. “This will be a reminder.”" I cannot think of a more perfect setting for your story and characters. I also love that you included the picture which was the prompt and inspiration for this beautifully told story.

Plot: the plot was well paced, flowed easily and will touch the heart and soul of all who read it. A story that too many families have to deal with in reality. it was done with compassion, understanding and grace.

Grammar/Punctuation: were flawless.

Suggestions: I couldn't make a single suggestion. This story is PERFECT just the way it is. Thank you so much for choosing to share it with us.

Reminder: This review is my personal opinion which I hope I have done in an objective, honest and respectful manor. Only you can judge if the feedback is useful. If at anytime you would like me to review after changes have been made I would be pleased to do so. My personal opinion is that reviews are only helpful if they are honest and help us to grow. If we are doing things wrong we should know so we can learn. If we are doing things correctly we should because we learn from that too! Thank you for sharing your work!

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
56
56
Review by Rhonda
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
First Impression:

A well written story. It grabbed my attention from the very first sentence and held it the entire way through to the end. It was well thought out, paced and was an enjoyable read.

Characters:

The main characters Taylor, Christopher and Steve were well written multidimensional characters. You did a good job showing their character traits rather than outright stating them.
Felix’s character somehow felt flat. He delivered the news that would probably have come from a Dr. and left about as quick as he dropped in. It was clear his job was to move the story forward by stating what had happened to Taylor. In my opinion it would have been more realistic if he had been a little more compassionate rather being so harsh than directing him back to work.
The mystery of who shot Taylor and why kept me guessing until the end. The mystery of the job he was hired to do caused me some confusion. I still haven’t figured out why Stephen and Christopher hired a private detective in the first place. Christopher being the leak and Stephen siphoning money out of the business it was in neither best interest to hire Taylor. I still haven’t figured out how all of the sudden Stephen realized/discovered that Christopher was selling his brothers work not just leaking the information.

Setting:

You did a good job of describing the settings this story that took place in. You showed the reader through your descriptions which painted a vivid picture.

Dialogue:

The dialogue was well written, flowed naturally and sounded authentic.

Overall Impression:

I enjoyed the story overall. Some clarity from the time Taylor confronts Christopher and Steven would be helpful. I was disappointed with the ending. It felt rather abrupt and left the reader wanting to know more.

Just a reminder these are my personal opinions as an avid reader. Only you know what works for your story these are just suggestions.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
57
57
Review of Blast Furnace  
Review by Rhonda
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
First Impression:
A very well written story. It grabbed my attention from the very beginning and held it the entire way through. It was well thought out, paced and was an enjoyable read.

Plot/Characters:
The story sounds like you have first hand knowledge of the Vietnam War. Telling the story of a young man who comes into war with misguided notion that he is prepared for all that he is about to face. The internal conflicts, his struggles, his decisions and ultimately his death were written with compassion. If you have written this without experiencing firsthand the perils of war then you amaze me. You did a very realistic job of bring the plot and characters to life. The characters were rich, multi-dimensional and very well written. The dialogue was natural and flowed nicely. The short time Mecum and Wilson had together the bonded in a way most others would never understand. You get to know who has your back and who you can trust in a hurry.

Setting:
You did an amazing job showing the reader rather than telling, making them feeling like they were part of the setting. It became so alive I could even hear the song “TheEnd” playing in my head. It painted a very clear picture for the reader and was exceptionally well done.

Overall Impression
I cannot say enough positives about this piece of writing. It captivated me from beginning to end. It could even be the opening chapter in a book.
I look forward to reading more of your work.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
58
58
Review of Unmasked  
Review by Rhonda
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Ken,

You continue to amaze me that you paint such a vivid picture and have words enough left provide a smile with your humour. Once again I have thoroughly enjoyed your work your a talented writer my friend and it is a pleasure to read your work.

Rhonda


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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