Dear Legerdemain ,
This brief poem about a rejection by replacement got my attention and wanted to lend some feedback. "Released" sets up with what sounds like a termination, one which the narrator has described 'no remorse' after stating 'with painful regret', which gave me pause. The second stanza furthers this departure of being replaced, but does not describe by whom or how. This poem is entrenched in feelings of a very difficult/embarrassing moment. I'm still seeing someone removed from their job.
Then, there is the last verse that now uses a metaphor to describe being tethered to something like a fish (or a boat) that was caught and released. That was a very effectual relationship to depict what is being described. But, I have to put this all together as a reader to get a better appreciation of what the author intends. And, when I look at the description line, love is what should be applied.
But, I wonder, could there have been a better way to structure and/or reveal this? Perhaps, starting with that metaphor, without losing the related feelings of being released from this relationship, to frame what the writer intends in a way a reader can fully visualize and feel along the way.
I stumbled on those first two lines of the poem, without punctuation, before I could get the right attribution of words to actions. At first, feeling the narrator was the one without remorse, until I could see the attribution is to this undescribed person who's only action was 'inform'. I don't get a feel for how this all unfolds, and that might not be necessary. It's a relation of this common feeling we get when we discover another has ended our relationship, and because they found someone else.
So, it's interesting that while away they've been usurped, but when they return they are untethered? How long away? Maybe, not necessary to know. The tether would be the emotional connection. So, I have to appreciate the figurative depiction with the language, realize that the metaphor of the mooring and the actual relation of the story conflict only in concrete terms.
I'm going way to deep with my analysis of this, sorry. I sometimes just start typing while I'm thinking and then I feel like a detective trying to piece clues together. Gets a bit tedious and then I have to stop myself, as I've done here.
The point of this review is to say, I fully connected with those emotions displayed. I also appreciated the metaphoric ending. It felt like two poems in one that are related but not working fully together. One of the best lines was 'usurped my pedestal', because it feels like this person jilted is stunned far greater by the impact, like a longer fall from that pedestal, one where they had been treated like a queen, and now oustered. That's a pivotal moment in the poem.
I decided, rather than try to suggest changes (which I'm prone to do , I can appreciate this poem as it is. Because there is so much at work within this tiny little gem that I have a tendency to fuss over where I see a chance for improvement. It's like seeing a thread I want to pull. I realize now, when I do that, if I start to unravel, maybe it's better just to leave it.
This was going to be a shorter review, too. Now I'm running late for work. I guess that means I really enjoyed considering your poem for feedback,
Brian
Image #1578663 over display limit. -?-
|