Hi!
I think this poem is very good. I definitely like the topic and I think you did a great job conveying what a writer thinks about when s/he writes. Great job!
I have a few suggestions:
1. There are many places where you used double periods ".." I don't know what that is supposed to mean? Maybe you should use "..." or a comma if you mean a line trailing off, or a pause in reading, or a single period if you mean to stop a sentence.
2. "The blank page lie before me"
I think you meant "lies".
3. "evil doers plight"
an evil-doer's
4. "talismans light" talisman's light.
5. I think you should delete the is in the last line. It's just one syllable too long:
"And make your reader understand what's wrong and what is right"
---> "and what's right"
I hope this helped. Feel free to accept or ignore. I'll gladly raise the rating if you decide to make any changes. Just let me know!
Wow, this is a really great piece. I love the point your trying to get across. I identify completely.
In fact, the only thing I can say, is that you should delete the comma after "If they listen closely to," and in the line "All we really are is, what we have become!"
the comma should be after "are" and not "is", and I would also move the "is" to the beginning of the next line, after the comma (if you decide to move it, that is).
Hi!
I was drawn to this letter, because I can so identify with the sentiment. I have not yet been married, but I felt the exact same way when I was dumped by my first serious boyfriend. I, too, then wrote a long letter to him. Unfortunately, mine got lost when the connection crashed, and he never saw it!
Anyway, about your letter. Wow! Do I know this feeling. I can agree with all you're saying, especially that last paragraph where you tell him that he has to let you go, so you can face the ordeal of going through life alone. Your attitude is wonderful, and I commend you for it so much! It's so great that you are so mature and down to earth and responsible - that you make your kids your first priority even though you're hurt and upset.
I think everything you have to say in this letter should be heard. You have a great message to everyone going through this. The only problem is that there are many grammatical errors, and a few spelling errors, too. I had to struggle through a few sentences to understand who the subject was and what was being written about them.
I'm sure that if you take a few minutes to re-read you'll spot all the mistakes on your own. If you want a hand, I'll willingly go over it again and write down all the errors I spotted. I'll also be more than happy to raise the rating if you do decide to correct them. Your call, of course.
Thanks for the experience! It's good to know others feel like me. :)
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Feel free to accept or ignore. I'll gladly raise the rating if you decide to make any changes. Just let me know! 