It was a very good read. I liked how you ended it. You through in that twist at the end and it worked . Desperate people do desperate things.
Good job on this.!
Since the passing of Robin Willams last week I find this to be so true yet so sad. Quoting you " My smiles hide my tears and my sleeves cover my wounds " now have intense meaning and bells start going off in my head. I will now and forever keep my eyes and ears wide open to those in despare. Good writing. I hope this will touch others as it touched me. Thank you
I liked it.. It would be an easy song to sing for young children to remember.. When I was young in Girl Scouts we sang " there was a tree". It went on and on but we had so much fun singing it all the way to camp and back..
I'm not one who likes horror stories but,, your was interesting .. I couldn't stop reading it.. The discription of the kids and what was happening as it happened was done well, .
It reminded me when the Cathlic School would put on a carnival every year.. I sometimes had scary feelings like your story when I was a kid myself years ago... The nuns would just pop up behind me and my friends and we felt like jumping out of our skin. We never ever heard them coming.. I do believe that they went out of their way to listen and eavesdrop on all the kids conversations.. For what , I don't know.. But they scarred me just the same.. Thank for the memories.. Keep up the stories.
I liked your story content but you repeated too much in the first few paragraphs. The word
( But,) does not go at the beginning of any sentence that I know of. You lacked a lot of details where details need to be in your story. You need to do more research on hospital and funeral procedures as well as grammar to keep the reader interested. Research different religions just because. You never know when you might need it for future reference. All in all, keep revising, rewriting and read what your writing over and over because it helps you find the right words to tell your story well.
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