I really enjoyed this piece of poetry. It's so true that when you look back on your family, and all it took for you to be here, it makes you feel... I am not sure the word I'm looking for... small, maybe? I agree that everything seems to mean more, and your own drive is increased when you realize that, at some point down the road, you will be a legacy for those who follow as well. Thanks for sharing. Write On!
I like the idea behind this story. I think it will have a very good plot. I do have a couple of thoughts for you, though. You might want to actually type your things out in MS Word or some other program that has a spell check option rather and then cutting and pasting it into your portfolio. I know, for me at least, when I am writing something that I am really into, I have a tendency to make typos and not realize it, and you have quite a few in here. That can make a piece hard to read. The only plot line that I found that doesn't seem to fit is: at the end of the first paragraph, you have Nia saying that she is hungry, and then at the beginning of the second paragraph, you have Italy looking back at her and she is sleeping. I'm sure that's an oversight that you already caught, but I thought I'd mention it. Overall, I think this is a good piece with potential to be a great story! Write on!
This was an awesome read! I think we've all been there at least a time or two... and when our mental block shold be over, sometimes we are just too engrossed in something else that probably isn't really as worth while as what we ought to be doing. Now, I'm not saying that the Cosby Show isn't worth while (lol), but you know what I mean. Great poem! Write On!
I have to say, this was fun... even if I didn't do well. LOL. I was recently introduced to this site, and I must say, that it has been a wonderful experience for me.. whether I knew much about the history before now or not. I've met some awesome people, gotten some great feedback, and read pieces that make me strive to be a better author!
I think Author's Spotlight would be a great experience for me as a writer. I have looked at some of the pieces written by past participants, and I think the challenge would be a great one! I've been a member of WDC for almost a year, but didn't have much time to participate while I was finishing my MBA. Now that I've graduated, I'm looking to get back to my true writing love (I've had enough technical and business writing in the last two years!), and I think this challenge would spur my creativity as well as afford me the opportunity to get to know other writers on the site.
This was a great piece! It say a lot about life in so few words. Ben has been so good in life, and someone else is there to take care of him, even though he is not always aware of it. Having had a lot of contact with someone with a dimensia related disease, it evokes a lot of emotion for me... what will happen as Ben Sr. grows older, etc. This was an excellent piece. Thanks for sharing! You used the prompt in a way that I would not have thought about.
This piece was excellent! I have friends who are plumbers and who I trust implicitly, and my other half (who now owns his own HVAC company) used to work with them, but I had the same issues when they would send a young kid to my restaurant to solve a plumbing issue... I would think, "Is this kid even out of high school? He can't even tie his boots right! How is he going to fix this problem?" This one really hit home for me, and I laughed out loud all the way through it. My dog thinks I'm a bit crazy now (lol), but it's well worth it. Thanks for the awesome read!
I thought this piece was really great. Although I feed the birds and know some of theri tendencies and calls and whatnot, I have never read much by anyone who has actually raised birds and cared for them in the way that you do. I can see, though, how it would interrupt your life to make such a dedication. Thanks so much for sharing this. It was a great read and I hope for the best for you and all of your feathered friends!
WOW! This was awesome! I've recently started reading (and attempting to write) more flash fiction in an attempt to make my writing crisper and make sure every word counts... and this was an awesome read for me - to see how you handled the limited word count and still told an entire story. I just finished my NaNo novel, and with 50,000 words to write, it leaves room for a lot of things that could, actually be cut; quite a different situation here. This is a great piece! Thanks for sharing.
I think you've done a great job with this piece. I like the idea of a mirror that reflects what others see. Although it is not a new idea (as they say, there are no new ideas, only new ways of expressing them), I enjoyed the treatment of it here. I don't think I'd like to look in that type of mirror, either... good, bad or indifferent. Thanks for the great read!
I really enjoyed the interaction between these two. I could completely understand the detective's frustration, and could see that, as you put so well in your last line, it could very well have been a mercy killing. I think you did a great job in such a short amount of words!
This piece is fairly good, although I did have a hard time getting through the first paragraph. You have quite a few run-on sentences and things that make it somewhat difficult to follow. It would be interesting, too, to hear more description about the couch and what you imagine that is has been through... you state several times that it's disgustingly dirty, which leaves it open to imagination, but it would be more descriptive to know... how is it dirty? Does it have food particles spilled on it? Greasy dirt?
I really enjoyed the last paragraph where you give the couch a personality, almost. Have you ever thought about writing a piece like this from the couch's point of view? I think that would be a fun read as well.... people look at the couch and say, "eww.. I'm not sitting there," but what does the couch think (things can think in writing...which is why I love it). Is the couch evil and wishing to consume all who sit there, or is it lonely, just wishing someone will sit in it and not walk by it all the time? If you ever decide to write that piece, I would love to read it as well!
Write on!
This was a great story! I really enjoyed the twists at the end. Even though your description said that these three shared an unusual relationship, it was not clear, until the very end, what that relationship was. The twist of the "good guy" becoming the bad guy and the "bad guy" becoming the good guy was really good, then the extra added element for family ties... very cool. Great story and thanks for sharing!
I believe this is a great piece of prose. As a Japanese Beetle Runs across my keyboard (it really just did happen), I wonder if his species will be here when I am gone. I have always believed that, if we truly tick off the Earth that bad, it could shrug it's shoulders and we would all be gone. I understand that "Mainstream society" is not comfortable with even reading things such as this, but I do enjoy it. I enjoy anything that breaks through the "norm" and exposes the "could be"... be it either good or bad. I really enjoyed your piece, at any rate, and I look forward to reading more of your works!
This was, by far, the best piece of writing I have read in SO long!! I've worked in the restaurant business for a long, long time, and I have my own equivalents to the stapler there, but I did do a short stint in an office (weekday, day time hours were appealing at that point in my life, rather than 70-hour weeks at all hours of the day and night), and I felt very stiffled at the point that I took that position as a payroll and AP bookeeper. I did not, at the time, though, realize the implications of the existence of the stapler on my desk! I would like to quote here one line from your piece that really made the piece great... but I can't find one! The whole piece of prose jarred my mind ..... however, I did laugh out loud at the idea of buying a box of paper clips. If you do that, I would love to hear how you feel about them in three months! This was an excellent piece of writing! Thanks for sharing.
I truly loved this piece, because I've been there so many times! There have been times that I needed to finish a piece of prose or poetry because of a deadline, and I had nothing... nothing at all to say (and, as those who know me would tell you, that if fairly rare), but, once I just say to heck with it and give up, something comes up. At times it has been a completely different object or scenario about which I write, at other times, simply a new thought process. Honestly, I don't think there's a writer who has not been through these same feelings time and time again... I will not write anymore! That's it! Wait.... I just got a great idea... Thanks for sharing.
I came to your post from The Cramp... WOW! This was a really cool piece! I can definitely see why it won! It seemed a bit Hannibal Lecter meets Misery. I think you have portrayed this woman in a perfect way. She does not truly think that she is crazy, simply that there are things she feels like doing and that she will do them. I think, as a reader, I was begging the man not to untie her, but thought... well, he knows what he's doing, I guess. Apparently he was wrong this time! Thanks for sharing! Great story!
I don't know anything regarding your malady. However, I believe this piece is very powerful for anyone who ever knew they had a problem, yet it was a problem that no one could/would diagnose. I feel fortunate that the infliction I had was something simply mechanical, and nothing that would cause my ultimate demise, but this was a very powerful piece for me nonetheless. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
WOW! At first I was wondering if you had walked to these places talked to these people, etc. Of course, when I read the last part, I realized this was just an extraordinary piece of prose. In the beginning (and in the end, too, I guess), it made me think about stepping outside of what was familiar to me to "learn" about the experiences of others and to gain insight and ideas from others who lived differently. As any writer, I too, have suffered from writer's block. The line, "I felt bad for wasting this paper's time," struck me especially. I have felt that way, but never expressed it as such. Again, this, to me, is seeing something from the perspective of another stakeholder of the situation. In any event, I thought this was an excellent piece! Thanks for sharing!
I thought this piece was really good. What a great twist - Margie seeing visions of the Charmicael lady who originally owned the ring! At first, though, I was a little confused as to why the guys were so accepting of these visions she was having (my friends would just say - okay, you're nuts! You've finally lost it! LOL). At the end, though, you did clear it up when Bill said he never thought he'd see psychometry in action. Their immediate acceptance of Margie's visions without that explanation would seem odd, but it pieced together at the end very well. Thanks for sharing. Good writing and idea!
This was such an awesome piece! The way you described Liu Li's life and circumstances brought everything to life for me. It all seemed so real. I found myself pulling for her and hoping beyond hope that somehow her father would come back for her by the end of the piece. Your writing is very moving, and truly makes me think about the circumtances of other people. Excellent piece!
I think I see where this story is going, and I like the idea. It is somewhat hard to follow, though. I'm not sure if this is a piece of a larger work. If so, I'm sure you have more explanation for the series of things that are happening to Tom. This would be a great story with some more development. I look forward to reading more.
This piece was awesome! I actually had to stop momentarily when Julia found the broach. I knew this would be some turning point in the story, but I did not know where it would lead. Your ending was just as gripping as your beginning. This story both began and ended with a very different picture -- and a very different Julia. Excellent writing!
This was truly a great read! I have had friends who have had large birds such as cockatoos. They can be such a trip, but they certainly do have minds of their own! It cracked me up to see this scene! I can understand why you say you will probably not move again. Leave it to a bird to act inappropriately. Great story.
This is an awesome piece. I often think of "how it would look" if the FBI, the DEA, or anyone, really, looked at some of the things I have written. I also think: if anyone was looking at my online activity, what kind of trouble would they think I was in? In a recent story a character was addicted to heroine, so I did some research. This is a great piece because she is living the perfect nightmare. I think it's something that crosses all of our minds at some point, but great writing needs great research. And, at times, life mirrors writing. I enjoy all of yuor works so much!
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Thanks for sharing! Great story!