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Rated: 13+ · Fiction · Comedy · #2142578
Contest Entry for Holiday Short Story Contest (700 words)
“How could you say that? She is my mother for crying out loud! What were you thinking?”

With an awkward chuckle, he pointed to the mistletoe above their heads. That was it, this was officially the worst Christmas ever.


Kevin and Janelle had only been dating a couple of months. But for the last five years, Janelle’s parents had been pestering her about her singleness.

“We are ready to have some grandkids.” Her mother would always say.

“A woman doesn’t need to be living alone, especially in a big city like that. You need a man to protect you.” Her extremely masculine father would say. She always hated that he thought she needed protection.

Her parents were ecstatic when she told them she would be bringing a date to Christmas dinner this year. When they arrived for dinner, her mother ran to the front entrance, filled to the brim with excitement and loaded with endless questions.

“Oh! We are so happy your could join us for Christmas! Come in, come in,” she said, taking Kevin’s coat and ushering him to the kitchen to offer him a glass of eggnog.

Kevin should have never accepted the eggnog. It only went downhill from there.

An hour later, they were all seated around the dinning room table and Janelle’s mother announced, “It’s time to say grace. Kevin, you’re our guest. Would you please bless the food?”

Kevin became very tense and did his best to smile. He mumbled a few less than appropriate words, “Thank you, God for ham and gifts, and not having to sleep outside, cold and naked. Amen.”

“Amen,” Janelle’s mother announce as everyone else stared at Kevin with their mouths hanging open. Her mother cleared her throat. “Thank you, Kevin. That was...lovely. Let’s eat, everyone. Kevin, please help yourself.”

“Thank you,” he replied reaching for the bowl of mashed potatoes and sticking his finger in the very center. He proceeded to bring his mashed potato covered finger to his mouth and loudly sucked it clean before returning the same finger back to the bowl for a double dip. Needless to say, Kevin was the only person at the table to eat mashed potatoes that night.

After dinner, they all sat around the old piano and Janelle’s mother softly played Christmas carols while the whole family sang. Sadly, Kevin thought he was the star of the show and at one point, he lowered the lid on the baby grand piano and climbed on. He proceeded to do an a cappella version of “Santa Baby” during which he made rather inappropriate gestures in Janelle’s direction, leaving her whole family completely speechless.

Janelle tried and managed to recover from that by suggesting the family move over to the tree to open presents. Her mother quickly agreed and the family moved into the living room to open gifts while her mother served another round of eggnog.

“What do you think of the sweater my mom made me?” Janelle asked Kevin.

Kevin turned to her mother and said, “The sweater is really lovely but it’s not exactly the ‘sexy outfit’ I was hoping to get Janelle into this evening.”

At that Janelle’s mother became so upset that she fainted and fell backwards across the back of the sofa. “Mom! Are you okay?” Janelle said, running to pick her mother up from where she fell. She fanned her and waited for her to come to and when she did, she was furious.

“I want him out! Get him out of my house now, Janelle!” her mother yelled as she stormed into the kitchen and proceeded to chug two glasses of eggnog.

Janelle dragged Kevin out to the entryway by his shirt sleeve. That was were the mistletoe incident occurred and thankfully, that was the last time Janelle’s parents pestered her about bring home a boyfriend for the holidays

Word Count: 700
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