Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/2277252-More-More-Words-Ive-Heard
by DelK
Rated: E · Other · Comedy · #2277252
put downs, lift ups, euphemisms, puns, aphorisms, and stuff
Serious as a heart attack.
You can't be serious!
You've GOT to be kidding!
Did your mother have any living children?
Hold your horses!
Land O Goshen!
Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey.
Colder than a well diggers ass.
Colder than a witches tit.
Got a notion.
Jesus, Mary and Joseph!
No skin off my nose.
He's so bright, his folks call him Sonny.
Between the devil and the deep blue sea.
Between a rock and a hard place.
Give the devil his due.
The devil is in the details.
Were you born in a barn?
Your mother wears combat boots.
Every hog roots up an acorn now and then.
Hold her Newt, she smells alfalfa!
I love Pennsylvania, except for the hills.
Strong on water (referring to weak coffee)
Couldn't tell his ass from a hole in the ground.
He's a prince of a fellow.
Dumber than a box of rocks.
Dumber than a bag of hammers.
Like trying to drive a spike with a tack hammer.
What in the sam hill were you, thinking, doing etc?
He was picking them up and laying them down.
He ran too long in one spot.
Wrong again!
I got the picture.
It seemed to make sense at the time.
Well, I'll be switched.
If you believe that, you’d believe in the tooth fairy.
Long on mouth, short on brain.
Kilroy was here.
Comme si, comme sa
He'd bitch if you hung him with new rope.
I'm tellin ya.
Read 'em and weep.
This is not going to end well.
Whatever rolls your oats.
Whatever floats your boat.
At sixes and sevens.
He was up shit creek without a paddle.
He couldn't pour sand out of a boot with the instructions written on the heel.
He couldn't find his ass with either hand.
For crying out loud!
It can stop on a dime and give eight cents change.
Never do today what can be put off until tomorrow.
You can't win an argument with an idiot and the idiot knows it.
Never eat yellow snow.
He couldn't cut butter with a hot knife.
He could screw up a steel ball.
So's yer old man.
Money can't buy happiness--but it doesn't hurt a bit.
There's dirt younger than me.
I'm so old I don't buy green bananas.
I've got one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel.
If I didn't have bad luck I'd have no luck at all.
Scared the b’jeebies out of me
We're cookin with Crisco!
Mexican stand off.
Two steps forward and one step backward.
One step forward and two steps backward.
As clear as mud.
Cheek to jowl.
He's a pimple on the nose of progress.
Stick a fork in me, I'm done.
Go jump in the lake.
Go soak your head.
Go take a long walk on a short pier.
Look that up in your Funk and Wagnalls.
That's not my cup of tea.
Not my forte.
Holy moly.
Heavens to Mergatroyd.
Don't touch that dial!
Carbon copy.
You sound like a broken record.
Hung out to dry.
Oh, my aching back
That's a fine kettle of fish!
Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle!
Takes a lot of moxie.
Put on your best bib and tucker
Straighten up and fly right.
Heavens to Betsy!
Not for all the tea in China!
Speak, it's your nickel.  (telephone greeting)       
Don't forget to pull the chain.       
Knee high to a grasshopper.
Well, Fiddlesticks!   
Going like sixty.     
I'll see you in the funny papers.     
Don't take any wooden nickels.     
Wake up and smell the roses.
Wake up and smell the coffee.
Wake up and die right.
See ya later alligator.    After while crocodile.
As many as Carter's has liver pills.
Monkey business.
Feast fit for a king.
HATE it when that happens!
Not for all the gold in Fort Knox.
“What’s that fer?”    “Cat’s fur to make kitten britches.”
Batten down the hatches.
In like Flynn.
Built like a brick shithouse.
Cause I said so.
I’ll be a monkey’s uncle!
He was cut three ways.    Deep, wide, and often.
He was a triple threat--stumble, fumble and fall
Been there.    Done that.    Got the T shirt.
Gee willikers.
We’re on the downhill run.
That’s about like trying to push a wet noodle up a wildcat’s ass.
T’ain’t funny McGee.
Stuck out like a sore thumb.
We’re good to go!
Seven miles of bad road.
Go figure!
What’s sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.
Straighten up and fly right.
No good deed goes unpunished.
Head ‘em up and move ‘em out.
Mucky-muck, muckety-muck, head honcho, big wig
Aren’t we just two clowns short of a circus.
Going gangbusters.
Going whole hog.
Hit the road toad!
Cutting on a fat hog.
Suck it up! Or suck it up buttercup.
Glad to see you back from the front old top.    Mom would say that while slapping your back, stomach and top of the head.
A day late and a dollar short.
He doesn’t have a pot to pee in nor a window to throw it out of.
Poor as a church mouse.
Truer words were never spoken.
You ain’t just whistling Dixie there buddy!
Crunch time.
Time’s a wastin!
Time and tide wait for no man.
I’ve shot my wad.
We are pickin in tall cotton.
Eating high on the hog.
Shooting fish in a barrel.
God helps those who help themselves.
Get the lead out.
Get your foot in the carburetor.
Put the pedal to the metal.
Snap to it.
Skating on thin ice.
Like a pig on ice.
Busier than a cat on a hot tin roof.
Where the rubber meets the road.
Leaning on a thin reed.
Leaning on the wind.
Electricians do it without shorts.
Plumbers do it without leaks.
Harder than un-scrambling an egg.
Walking on eggs.
Flat as a pancake.
On the horns of a dilemma.
Like the pot calling the kettle black.
Butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth.
By the skin of his teeth.
Better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.
Easy as pie.
Easy peasy.
Can’t beat that with an outboard motor.
Couldn’t punch his way out of a wet paper bag.
Slick as a whistle.
A bull in a china shop.
Uneasy as a whore in church.
Sweating like a whore in church.
That will go over like a fart in church.
Taking candy from a baby.
Smooth as a baby’s butt.
Whistling past the graveyard.
Dead as a door nail.
Dead to rights.
Dead to the world.
Asleep at the switch.
Happy as a pig in mud.
Higher than a kite.
Go fly a kite.
Nailed it!
Sitting pretty.
Sitting in the catbird seat.
Shape up or ship out.
That doesn’t compute.
On a wing and a prayer.
Wing it.
Straight as an arrow.
Straight laced.
Hotter than the hubs of hell.
He doesn’t have a prayer.
Sweat like a stuck pig.
Bleed like a stuck pig.
Like a deer in headlights.
Kowabunga. (Thanks to Howdy Doody and Chief Thunderbird.)
© Copyright 2022 DelK (delk at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
Writing.Com, its affiliates and syndicates have been granted non-exclusive rights to display this work.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/2277252-More-More-Words-Ive-Heard