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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/710060-MY--REVIEW--OF---FAERIES
by hippo
Rated: ASR · Article · Contest · #710060
by Nanaborg reviewed by HIPPO Round 7 Idol contest Read the rest and VOTE FOR THE BEST
Asking permission from Nanaborg

Hello Nanaborg......I don't know if you are familiar with the Writing.Com Idol
contest that is running at the moment.
I am one of 4 left in the running and our task next round (has to be in by 25th
June)is to find a Newbie and R&R one of the works in that portfolio.

I, after some searching, have found your port which I love.
All of it...there is nothing there I don't like.
I decided that, if it's OK with you, I would R&R FAERIES.

I shall send you the R&R via the usual channels and will await your decision of
whether to allow me the privilege of using Faeries in the contest.

I hope that you will say it's OK because it has taken me quite a while to get
exactly what I wanted to say in the review and I would be traumatised if I had
to write another !! LOL

As time is of the essence I would be grateful if you would get back to me
...quickly...thank you.
Soozie


Here is the poem FAERIES written by Nanaborg
which I rated 4. The review is below the original poem and Nanaborg's reply after that.



Faeries here, and faeries there
Faeries hiding everywhere
How I wish that I could see
The faerie who is here with me

A faerie's made of wondrous things
Of magic dust, and butterfly wings
Of laughter and of ladybugs
Of candy kisses and grandma hugs

Faeries dance in faerie rings
In waterfalls, a faerie sings
Faeries sleep in Christmas trees
And hum along with honey bees

Faeries giggle when faeries sneeze
And you can hear it on the breeze
Faeries flitter, and faeries flit
They hardly ever have time to sit

Faeries have a sense of humour
They like to try a trick or two
Like when you're getting dressed for school
They'll hide one of your socks from you

My faerie splashes in my bath
She helps clear danger from my path
Reminds me to be safe on stairs
And listens while I say my prayers

My faerie helps me take the care
To wash my face, and comb my hair
To eat the food that's good for me
And wear a smile for all to see

If bad dreams bother me at night
My faerie makes them all take flight
She tucks me in, so very tight
And keeps me safe 'til mornings light

Faerie smiles are bright as sunshine
Their laughter is like tinkling rain
So, if you think you see, or hear one
Stop, and listen, and look again.


© Copyright 2003 nanaborg (UN: nanaborg at Writing.Com). All rights reserved. nanaborg has granted Writing.Com, its affiliates and its syndicates non-exclusive rights to display this work.


Nanaborg's permission to publicly review her work.

Hi Soozie,
Please feel free to R&R any of my work.
I am honored that you have chosen from my portfolio.
I know most of my stuff needs work, so be brutally honest, and
Good Luck.

nanaborg.

THE REVIEW OF FAERIES

When reviewing, I always make certain that the writer is aware that any comments, editing or suggestions I make, are only one person's thoughts…mine. You may not agree with my interpretation of your work so, if you feel that I have totally missed the point of your poem please do tell me as I may only be looking at it from one perspective.

This is a truly delightful poem. Children will never stop wondering about whether there are fairies in the garden or not. Even now, as a grandma myself, part of me hopes that they are for real and round about us.

I love your description of how a fairy is made and how they can be heard all around us in nature.
They are an extension of us.
The part of us that wants to be kept safe, the part of us that sees us, as we would want to be seen.
They are protectors from the part of us that allows fear to thrive, they are the part of us that wants to be mischievous but not get found out.

As you will see from my writing here, there is a spelling difference US v UK of faerie/fairy…. neither is wrong, only different spellings with the same meaning.

As far as I can see there are only a few points that I feel need attention.

There are very few full stops or commas and I think your poem would benefit from some extra punctuation.

I have always been led to believe that when using the word 'and' it is not necessary to place a comma either before or after it. The reason being, that 'and' usually denotes a slight pause anyway, therefore a comma is superfluous.

Instead of going through each line here I shall copy your poem beneath with the suggested alterations in colour. Where punctuation marks need deleting there will be a small - mark above the comma or fullstop.

Two of the verses #5 & #9 have a different rhythm to them, which I feel detracts from the easy reading of the rest of the poem.
Your usual rhythm is AABB but in both these verses you have changed to ABCB. May I suggest in these verses you continue with the original metre. Ideas for possible changes are again in colour.

In verse #4, 3rd line, I would suggest using 'flutter' instead of 'flitter' as you follow on with the words 'and faeries flit'.

Overall, a 'fantastical' write which allows me to recall many of my childhood thoughts.

Well done I loved it.



Faeries here , and faeries there
Faeries hiding everywhere,
How I wish that I could see
The faerie who is here with me.

A faerie's made of wondrous things
Of magic dust , and butterfly wings,
Of laughter and of ladybugs
Of candy kisses and grandma hugs.

Faeries dance in faerie rings
In waterfalls, a faerie sings,
Faeries sleep in Christmas trees
And hum along with honey bees.

Faeries giggle when faeries sneeze
And you can hear it on the breeze,
Faeries flitterflutter, and faeries flit
They hardly ever have time to sit.

Faeries' have a sense of humour's true
They like to tryplay a trick or two,
Like when you're getting dressed for On school days when you're in a hurry
They'll hide one of your socks from you a sock and watch you scurry

My faerie splashes in my bath
She helps clear danger from my path,
Reminds me to be safe on stairs
And listens while I say my prayers

My faerie helps me take the care
To wash my face, and comb my hair,
To eat the food that's good for me
And wear a smile for all to see.

If bad dreams bother me at night
My faerie makes them all take flight,
She tucks me in, so very tight
And keeps me safe 'til morning's light

Faeries smile sare bright as sunshine like a sun champagne
Their laughter is like tinkling rain
So, if you think you see, or hear one hear or see one playing
Stop, and listen, and look again.A magical sight you'll be surveying


Nanaborg's reaction to the review

In response to your review, nanaborg sends:

I love it. Bravo.

Can I edit this now, or should I wait until your entry has been judged?

nanaborg.

NOTICE TO ALL READERS

I would ask you please, having read my entry, to now read my two competitors' entries. Once you have read all three reviews you will be in a position to decide which you prefer. Only at that point should you vote.
Of course I would hope that my entry will be the one you choose, but if not, then so be it and I will applaud the victor.
Below are the links to take you to Paige & Animatiqua's entries and the poll.
Thank you.
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#710474 by Not Available.

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#710530 by Not Available.

[Linked Poll's access is restricted.]


© Copyright 2003 hippo (sooziep at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
Writing.Com, its affiliates and syndicates have been granted non-exclusive rights to display this work.
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