I saw this on the Public Review page, and it caught my attention
Narrative & Dialogue:
Wow, this sounds like it really has been written from the depths of your soul.
Form & Flow:
The form is free verse. The flow is good, fluid, strong.
Imagery & Emotion:
This is where your poem happens. The emotion is raw,unfettered, deep, fluctuating between letting go, and feeling the emotion all at the same time. Lots of unhappiness and torture going on here. It certainly tugged at my heartstrings.
Suggestions & Typos:
Line 1 - apostrophe in what's
Line 8 - you're not your
Line 10 - Its {apostrophe in it's) butterflys (should be butterflies}
Third last line - space between good and luck
Overall Thoughts & Rating:
A very emotional poem written at an emotional time.
Good luck. I hope you find happiness.
Joking aside, this would make a brilliant story - have you any intention of making it a longer one. If so, please let me know. I would love to read it.
Your imagery was so great - I could just picture this so clearly, and I could feel the goosebumps.
Um... if it moos,does it produce it's own milk to feed itself.
Please consider lengthening it, Angus.
Regards
Cherry-Anne
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I thought this would be an interesting read, and it is.
But don't get me wrong, I disagree with you. and this could be the start of many debates.
I'm not knocking your reason for the stars you give - that's your prerogative.
What I find sad is that you are saying so many people believe that their work is not finished? That's just sad. Sure, pieces may need to be edited over and over again, until one is pretty much satisfied. Then you come to a point where you say this is it. And you take pride in what you have done, and you put it out there, knowing that you have done the best that you can. But you make the step. You commit to the possibility of rejection. Or appreciation.
You don't hide your work in a never ending pile of scribbles, and re-writes, and re-edits. At least I don't think anyone on WDC does. Hopefully we are proud to show off our achievements, and if they are less than perfect, maybe one of our reviewers will give us a hand, and some advice. How much does one learn if your work is sitting hidden away somewhere under mounds of dust.
I'm also not one of those parents that would want my kids to be something else. I am incredibly proud of the choices they have made - and who they have become. I take what life gives with both hands and I love it wholeheartedly. What's the point in wishing for what-if's and but-maybe's?
Just my humble opinion which is very diverse from yours. Guess that's what makes WDC such a wonderful place.
Thanks for writing something that was thought-provoking though. I enjoyed it.
Congratulations for winning the bid in the Sinful Auction. Thank you for allowing me to enjoy and review your work.This is the first of my reviews. The feedback is meant only to encourage and inspire you to continue your talent. All suggestions are that alone and formed from my opinion. I am just a lover of reading and writing and I have a feeling I am going to enjoy my visit here..
Narrative & Dialogue:
I really enjoyed this story. The narrative was great and the voice of your 1st person very erotic.
Form & Flow:
Your story was very lyrical. I read some of your poems before reviewing this and I found the words you use have the same fluidity and imagery.
Imagery & Emotion:
Imagery was excellent. Very evocative and erotic. Emotion very sincere, and gentle.
Suggestions & Typos:
None that I could see.
Overall Thoughts & Rating:
This was an awesome read. I really enjoy the way you write. Some of those that write erotica could learn from you. Thank you for sharing your work and talent.{c}
Star Rating
Tone & Mood 5.0
Plot & Characters 5.0
Technical Aspects 5.5
Use of Prompt 5.0
Blush Factor 4.5 (this was so much more than about the blush}
Total Rating 5.0
Hi there,
I saw your poem on the Public Review page and thought I would take a look.
Form & Flow:
The flow of this poem was smooth and flawless.
Imagery & Emotion:
Imagery really good. I could just see the shooter at that open window.
Suggestions & Typos:
None that I could see.
Overall Thoughts & Rating:
This was a lovely poem and tribute to an occasion that so many of us remember. I was at a movie house in South Africa, a young child with my cousins, when they stopped the show to announce this. They stopped the movie there and then. I'll never forget that.
I clicked on Random Read, and this story came up, and because it was yours, I thought I would read it.
I see your name come up so often on the site, with regard to various contests, that I thought reading one of your stories, would give me a different insight.
I'm not normally a Knights of the Round Table type reader, or movie watcher, and yet this kept me spellbound.
It was really easy reading, every stroke, every punch, every kick that was delivered, was explained so effectively, that I felt like I was there. Did you get someone to go through the moves with you, lol? Of course, I wanted Hayden to win. Let me know when they meet up again.
I could find no flaws. Your story was perfectly executed. A well deserved 5.
Regards
Cherry-Anne
I haven't heard from you so I am choosing items from your port to review as part of your package.
I noticed that already you had received an awardicon for this one, you haven't received any reviews so this will be one of them.
This is a message that we can all learn from. We find ourselves in a position that forces us to review our situation - whene we suddenly realize that when it comes down to it, it's up to us. We are in control of our happiness, or our unhappiness. Or at least, as you say, our perception of it. And that's the first step to resolution.
A great story - a lesson wrapped in a story that created a great visual of what you had gone through to get to that point.
I could find no errors, and I thoroughly enjoyed this insight.
I am rating this a 5 for the wonderful trip you took me along, down memory lane. I remember so many of these exact same things, and long for those carefree days, for all those things so familiar, and loved, for the safety and security in our comfort zones.
I lived in Johannesburg so all those places you mention, are my memories too.
You and I were so lucky to grow up amidst all the good that there was.
This is a very special item you have here... something to be passed along.
Another story of yours that kept me guess until the very last sentence.
You are very skilled at drawing out the tension in a story, so that we can't wait to find out the ending/answer, and trying to guess at the same time what the outcome will be.
A well deserved 5 out of 5 for such a good play on words.
I knew it would be something different, but I couldnt figure out what it would be. Specially something that you could dress up. Was figuring it for some kind of exotic bird or something, or maybe a creepy crawly.
It was well written and you brought across the youth of your character clearly.
This is a delightful poem which I can see was written totally from the heart.
Your rhyme was good and the flow smooth.
Just a few things -
I am reborn: speaks a mom’ - capitalize Mom and omit the apostrophe
Coz, you are my bit, - take out the comma after coz
And im yours too. - im should be I'm
Those little things distract the reader a little and I'm sure if you corrected them you would get a higher star rating.
You are a good writer. You should add more to your port.
I thought I would have a look at my fellow contestants in the Poem-A-Day contest, and had to read yours when I saw that it was about horses. My son is a jockey and so they have a special place in my heart. They are such majestic creatures.
I have to say that your poem is a wonderful tribute to them. You very cleverly tell us their history in words of rhyme.
The flow and imagery from the old cart horse, to the finely toned Arabian is effortless, and stunning.
I thoroughly enjoyed this story. The title got my attention, and then the story did. A gorgeous story of a little boy wishing and wishing... and then learning a valuable lesson.
I could find no errors at all. I like your style of writing. I laughed at the last sentence. Nicely ended.
Secondly, this is a beautiful poem and a stunning tribute to Jaye Marshall. Her and I used to review each other's work now and then, and I remember that she always wrote wonderfully.
Your words clearly have been so written from the heart, and are so touching..... I felt so sad, until I reached the end of your poem and understood that she is in a more wonderful place.
Kind regards
Cherry-Anne
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And so I send my last 5-star to Punk the cat, with such sadness in my heart. It seems i had gotten to know him quite well while reading his tales and was so looking to hearing more of his escapades.....
I had a black cat Cher, who went the same way as your delightful Punk, and I hope there was a formidable foe called String somewhere there at the time of her passing.
Two tiny errors - I'm sure Punk will be forgiven for these -
Fourth verse - my should be me
And last verse gentely should be gently.
(I'm happy to see he wasn't infallible)
I shall miss Punk - the warrior cat and his formidable foe, String.
Thank you for sharing these with us. They were wonderful.
Regards
Cherry-Anne
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This is indeed a cat of great and nobel articulation and erudition.
Who regales us with tales of Famous Battles and and Warrior-Gods from before his time, and who rates their Mighty Wars as poor comparisons to his daily strife with String.
You write this so well, it flows and moves with such pace,
Very cleverly written. You must have enjoyed this channelling.
Regards
Cherry-Anne
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Your poem is lovely, nice rhyming, and your words seem to be spoken from the heart. I can almost see you smiling as you wrote this for the man you love.
My one suggestion would be to have a space between the last two lines of your last stanza. This allows for three stanzas to be four lines each, and your last one a couplet. There are quite a lot of poetry forms that follow this spacing. It also adds emphasis to the last two lines - which are really special.
Write on!
Regards
Cherry-Anne
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