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698 Public Reviews Given
793 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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51
51
Review by Devil's Del...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi there,

I clicked on Random Reads, and your story came up. *Smile*

Thank you for allowing me to enjoy and review your work. The feedback is meant only to encourage and inspire you to continue your talent. All suggestions are that alone. I am just a lover of reading and writing.

Title:

 The title was good, but has far more meaning now that I have read your story.


Narrative & Dialogue:

 The narrative was very strong, very distinct, very heart-wrenching. The dialogue was good, kept in control.

Imagery & Emotion:

Imagery and emotion - wow. So strong that when I finished the story, I just sat still for a few moments. I could not even begin to imagine what it must be like to go through something like this and you wrote it so well, it felt so real.

Suggestions & Typos:

I could see no errors.

Overall Thoughts & Rating:

An incredibly evocative and emotional story, written with intensity and compassion.

Thank you for sharing your work.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .


Write on!

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52
52
Review of Silence  
Review by Devil's Del...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)


*RainbowL*Hello from the Simply Positive Group!*RainbowR*



Hello there,

I saw your item and thought that I would take a look. This is just my opinion, and this review is purely to let you know how your poem impacts on me,a lover of reading and writing. *Smile*

*ButterflyO*Form & Flow:

The form and flow of this poem was very sweet, I liked the almost lyrical aspect of it.

*ButterflyG*Imagery & Emotion:

Silence at the right time, can be a good thing. You portrayed this nicely here.

*ButterflyB*Suggestions & Typos:

Just one - flys should be flies

*ButterflyV*Overall Thoughts & Rating:

A really lovely poem with a nice resonance to it. I like it a lot. *Smile*

Regards
Cherry-Anne

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .


*RainbowL*Write On!*RainbowR*



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53
53
Review of Poetry  
Review by Devil's Del...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi there Joy,

You say this is your weak area??!! *Shock*

It seems the awardicons and star ratings disprove that. *Delight*

You have a wonderful talent across all the spectrums and genres of writing. Plus you have so much that you do on WDC. I applaud you.

It's really wonderful when writers like me come across people as talented as you, that inspire us to write better. Thank you for doing that. It makes us believe all things are possible. *Smile*

Kind regards
Cherry-Anne
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54
54
Review by Devil's Del...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

Hi there,

Thank you for allowing me to enjoy and review your work. The feedback is meant only to encourage and inspire you to continue your talent. All suggestions are that alone. I am just a lover of reading and writing.
Title:

Lol, I found your title very appealing. It made me curious and drew me in.

Narrative & Dialogue:

 The narrative rolled along, keeping my focus, and taking me swiftly along a smooth journey of enjoyment. I smiled and laughed a lot! *Smile* The dialogue was good, believable...I loved the way she cooed at the end.

Imagery & Emotion:

Your imagery is very strong - whether it was at the convenience store, the party, or through the years. You described his efficiency in the store so well -and so clearly that I could see exactly how he worked... and how he complained. Your imagery of her was great. I laughed at the first line. *Laugh*

You had so many emotions flowing through this story - all so natural.

Suggestions & Typos:

To be honest, I didn't notice any typos. I would have liked to have had you touch a more more on their first tender physical encounter, but I see your story is rated 13, so perhaps not possible.

Overall Thoughts & Rating:

A wonderful story, Andy! I enjoyed it from the very first line, to the totally unexpected and delightful ending. I'm sure this one will be a winner! *Smile*

Thank you for inviting me to share this.You have a great talent. Write more!!!



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .


Write on!

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55
55
Review of My Last Tale  
Review by Devil's Del...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi there, Andy,

Wow, I SO enjoyed this story! It swept me up and took me along for the ride! I am not a reader of fantasies and dragons and yet you wrote this so well, that I didn't have to ponder on anything. It was all so clear. Your descriptions were amazing, and you weaved this story so well you kept me spellbound.

I could visualize this so clearly - though I have no idea where you managed to find all those mystical names that you came up with. *Wink*

My suggestions:)
It means do not travel, anywhere - no comma

It is this very inbrededness - my computer showed this word up as wrong spelt and I could not find it on Dictionery.com - perhaps use inter-breeding ?

Again I shook my head no. - Leave out this second no. You already have one in the previous sentence, and it gives the sentence more impact without it.

My retension in the area was excellent. - retention

I learned their languages (what was know of them), - known of them.

I told these tales both to kings and queens - I told these tales to both kings and queens.

whic is yet unrisen to me - not yet risen to me

My skin becomes scaly, large leathery wings sprout from my shoulders and grow. - My skin became scaly and largy leathery wings sprout....
.............................................................................................
I love this sentence below - very, very visual.

His eyes are yellow, his pupils slits. They look like cat’s eyes. Little wisps of smoke emit from his nostrils. His breath is stifling. He begins to smell me.

A great story - well done for writing one of this length!

Kind regards
Cherry-Anne
{inage:1426501}
56
56
Review by Devil's Del...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Lol, you are kidding.

This didn't really happen, did it?

I enjoyed reading this - it was very visual and very compelling. I wanted to know what was going to happen, and even though it didn't end the way I thought it was going to, it kept my attention until the end. And I am really glad the lights were on at home. *Smile*

I liked the way you told this because it showed some insight into your character, and came across as very sincere. I like your "honest" way of writing.

Thanks for sharing this, Andy.

Regards
Cherry-Anne
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57
57
Review of Coin Toss  
Review by Devil's Del...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi there,

Ooh what a creepy tale.

I am SO glad Dr Rydell doesn't consult in my town !

This was a great story - strong narration.

The imagery was great - I loved how little Johnny's visit was fine, and yet Leonard's turned out so differently. Serve Leonard right for being so quick to tease Johnny.

The dialogue was great - the characters portraying the right amount of tension and fear - and true, who would believe Leonard?!

Thanks for a great read!
Regards
Cherry-Anne
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58
58
Review of PINK?!?  
Review by Devil's Del...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I thought I'd take a visit into your port and as I'm about to leave, I'm wondering if any of the little pink monsters you have created, are going to follow me out. Is there an emoticon for scared?
Narrative & Dialogue:

 I always enjoy reading your stories, even when they scare the hell out of me. *Delight* The narration is always strong, and your characters are so believable. The dialogue of these guys was good - showed their undiluted disbelief and fear.

Imagery & Emotion:

Imagery was great. I could see everything so clearly, the guys relaxing with their Coronas, the onset of the "storm" and the final graphic noisy*Sick* ending.

The emotions went from *Cool* and *Bigsmile* to *Confused* to *Silent* to *Shock* to *Sad* to *Sick* to *Grave*.

Suggestions & Typos:

I could see no errors - only pink aliens.

Overall Thoughts & Rating:

 Great scary story - brilliant imagination and flawless writing. What else can I say?! *Wink* Write on, Angus!



Write on!

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59
59
Review of Night Song  
Review by Devil's Del...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)


*RainbowL*Hello from the Simply Positive Group!*RainbowR*

Hello there,


*ButterflyO*Form & Flow:

What a delightful poem. The form is good and the flow is superb. The words flow smoothly and eloquently.

*ButterflyG*Imagery & Emotion:

The imagery you have created here in this poem made me smile. I loved your little sprites and trolls. It sounded so magical. *Smile*

*ButterflyB*Suggestions & Typos:

I could see no errors.

*ButterflyV*Overall Thoughts & Rating:

This was really delightful. It reminded me of a story that I wrote about fairies at the bottom of the garden - probably about fifteen years ago. I shall have to see if I can find it. *Delight*

So thanks for the wonderful poem, and the memory.

Regards
Cherry-Anne


*RainbowL*Write On!*RainbowR*



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60
60
Review of Becoming Zombie  
Review by Devil's Del...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi there,

Lol, this was a great story.

You followed the prompt well, and had me laughing throughout.

The imagery was really good and I thoroughly enjoyed this. I am so glad, though, that I am not in this class. *Wink*

One little edit - Tommy put that arm down. - comma after Tommy.

Great read. Well done. *Smile*
Regards
Cherry-Anne
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61
61
Review by Devil's Del...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Thank you for allowing me to enjoy and review your work. The feedback is meant only to encourage and inspire you to continue your talent. All suggestions are that alone and formed from my opinion. I just a lover of reading and writing.
Narrative & Dialogue:

Your narration in this was amazing - written as if you were telling the tale to a friend of yours... I liked all the little added comments in between, and I smiled all the way through. There wasn't a lot of dialogue but what you had was good. *Smile*

Imagery & Emotion:

The imagery was very clear - I could see you on the tennis court, riding bikes, birthday dinner and finally in her bedroom. The emotion in each venue was great - meeting the girl, the development of the relationship, until the climax. Pardon the pun. *Smile*

I was sad that they parted, but I guess that's life. At least Jeff has happy memories of someone really special. She probably has good memories of him too. *Wink*

Suggestions & Typos:

non-descript - one word - nondescript
sooth - soothe
favorite’s, - favorite (no s)
but also entertaining too - take out also ( you can't have too and also in the same sentence - means the same thing.) *Smile*

Overall Thoughts & Rating:

 I read this last night and this morning I was still smiling as I recalled the story. Well done! You have a wonderful talent for bringing your story to life - as I said, it's almost as if we arent reading it, but listening to you tell us the tale. A wonderful talent. *Smile*

Thank you for sharing your work.{c}



Write on!

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62
62
Review of Love You To Death  
Review by Devil's Del...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
This is a Simply positive Group review. Thank you for allowing me to enjoy and review your work. The feedback is meant only to encourage and inspire you to continue your talent. All suggestions are that alone and formed from my opinion. I just a lover of reading and writing.
Narrative & Dialogue:

 This story has so much impact from beginning to end. The character almost did the same thing his father had done, or at least, very similar.

The dialogue which was mainly internal was strong, and show him vacillating between his options.

Imagery & Emotion:

The imagery was good. I could see him waiting outside there, read to inflict harm, until Angie's words ", and that changed his thinking.

Suggestions & Typos:

 "Your the kindest man" - should be "You're the kindest man"
"I need you, Mom" - full stop after Mom.


Overall Thoughts & Rating:

 A very strong story with a limited amount of words. Lots of emotion and I'm glad it ended the right way. *Smile* Nice when you can go back to Mom. *Smile*{c}




Write on!

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63
63
Review of Once Was An Angel  
Review by Devil's Del...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)


*RainbowL*Hello from the Simply Positive Groups*RainbowR*


Hi there, why are you nervous and worried?

*ButterflyG*Imagery & Emotion:

The imagery was clear and the emotion heartbreaking, especially at the end.

*ButterflyB*Suggestions & Typos:

I didn"t notice any errors.

*ButterflyV*Overall Thoughts & Rating:

This poem is lovely in that it was written so eloquently from the heart of a young girl about someone who was very special to her.

This must have so much sentimental value for you. *Smile*


Regards
Cherry-Anne


*RainbowL*Write On!*RainbowR*



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64
64
Review by Devil's Del...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)


*RainbowL*Hello from the Simply Positive Group}!!!*RainbowR*

Hi there,

I saw your story in the Classic Story contest and the title caught my eye.
*Smile*

*ButterflyR*Narrative & Dialogue:

The narration of this story was very strong. I liked your male character - I found him very believable and I liked that he wasn't perfect. Lucy was amazing. You did a really good job with her. *Smile* Claire was good too, but more peripheral, and it worked well in the story. It definitely seemed more John and Lucy's story.

*ButterflyG*Imagery & Emotion:

The imagery was great from the hospital to the beach. There were so many sentences I enjoyed, but I'll just mention these two at the beginning.

"The early morning sunlight splashed through the half-empty glass of water" - this created such a visual for me, so that even at this point I knew I was reading something special here.

"thought I saw her naked ring finger twitch" - this says so much in just those few words. *Wink*

I was so locked into your story and the emotion was so strong. Needless to say by the end of it, I was crying. *Blush*

*ButterflyB*Suggestions & Typos:

I didn't notice any - I was too caught up in the emotion of the story.

*ButterflyV*Overall Thoughts & Rating:

An absolutely amazing story. It blew me away. I can quite understand why this won the contest. I will definitely be popping into your port. In fact I already did. You have to add more!*Smile*
Well done!

Regards
Cherry-Anne


*RainbowL*Write On!*RainbowR*



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65
65
Review of The Next Victim  
Review by Devil's Del...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
This was horrible!!!!

Horrible, horrible, horrible!!! *Bigsmile* and so good ! *Bigsmile*

They dont have an emoticon for evil smile here. Probably just as well. *Smile*

Very different, and not what I am used to from you. Well done! Great crossover to a new genre. Looking forward to reading more.*Wink*

Regards
Cherry-Anne
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66
66
Review by Devil's Del...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi there,

I have seen the title of this story come up a few times on the sidebard of WDC and thought I would take the time to read it.

I thoroughly enjoyed it! *Laugh*

Your writing is very strong, well written, and your narration excellent.

The dialogue between the brothers is really good, and displays the rivalry between the two.

You have characterised them very well, and each voice is very clear in their own different way.

Great ending. *Wink*

Thanks for sharing.
Write on!
Regards
Cherry-Anne
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67
67
Review of the library  
Review by Devil's Del...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)


*RainbowL*Hello from the "Simply Positive Review Forum "  [E]!!!*RainbowR*

Hello there,

I saw your poem in the Weekly Newsletter and your title drew me in.

*ButterflyO*Form & Flow:

The form was lovely, I enjoy poetry in the middle of the page...it kind of sets the scene for me.

The flow was great too, every line made my smile wider and wider. *Smile*

*ButterflyG*Imagery & Emotion:

The imagery and emotion was wonderful. In fact it was my emotion that your poem evoked. Shows how good your poem is. *Wink*

*ButterflyB*Suggestions & Typos:

None that I saw.

*ButterflyV*Overall Thoughts & Rating:

Awesome poem. Beautiful in its thought, creativity, and where it takes us.

Thank you.


Regards
Cherry-Anne


*RainbowL*Write On!*RainbowR*



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68
68
Review by Devil's Del...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there,

This was a lovely haiku dedictated to a household name.... to someone who epitomised hope for all of us, for trailblazing the way to adventures in another world, on behalf of mankind.

Night envelopes sky, and sadly our souls do mourn on earth. I remember my mom, my brother and I huddled around a radio in the dark, on a cold morning in Johannesburg, South Africa, listening to that broadcast. My brother and I were still little, but what a thought - a man walking on the moon!

Thanks for bringing back the memory.
Thanks for the tribute. *Smile*

Regards
Cherry-Anne
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69
69
Review of Black Coffee  
Review by Devil's Del...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)


*RainbowL*Hello from the "Simply Positive Review Forum "  [E]!!!*RainbowR*

Hi there, Saw your story in one of this week's Newsletter and thought I would have a look.

*ButterflyR*Narrative & Dialogue:

Both the narration and dialogue were very good. The conversation flowed, lol - I can't say smoothly, but it flowed, between two people looking at something from different points of view.


*ButterflyG*Imagery & Emotion:

The imagery was good - I could clearly see them sitting there over a cup of coffee, debating different issues.

*ButterflyB*Suggestions & Typos:

None that I saw.

*ButterflyV*Overall Thoughts & Rating:

The ending took me by surprise. I'm not sure why he wanted to do this, and what happened to Karen at this point? I get the punchline, but not the reasoning.

Otherwise great story - strong voice.

Regards
Cherry-Anne


*RainbowL*Write On!*RainbowR*



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70
70
Review of Speech Therapy  
Review by Devil's Del...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi there,

I saw your story on the Hub page and thought I would take a look. The feedback is meant only to encourage and inspire you to continue your talent. All suggestions are that alone and formed from my opinion. I just a lover of reading and writing.
Narrative & Dialogue:

 You have done a great job with this story - creating a certain amount of friction and tension between two brothers. Two very different boys here.


Imagery & Emotion:

The imagery was good, and the emotion great. I could see Colin's fear, and Andrew's sneakiness, and how much he enjoyed having the upper hand. Clever how you allowed us to believe there might have been a different ending from that one that it finally was.

Suggestions & Typos:

Just at the beginning - I think this should read a "ton of bricks".

Overall Thoughts & Rating:

 I think it was a great story and you created these two very different characters, showing their separate personalities. It was well written and very clear, though to me, Andrew was the scarier of the two characcters. *Smile*

Thank you for sharing your work.


Write on!

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71
71
Review by Devil's Del...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)


*RainbowL*Hello from the "Simply Positive Review Forum "  [E]!!!*RainbowR*

Hi there, I saw your Poem on the Public Review page, and the title drew me in.*Smile*
*ButterflyR*Narrative & Dialogue:

Well narrated, with lots of emotion in your words.

*ButterflyO*Form & Flow:

The flow is pretty good, though it did niggle a little here and there.
Most of your words rhyme, though a couple don't. Not sure if this was intentional or not?

*ButterflyG*Imagery & Emotion:

The imagery and emotion are good. I can see you thinking this was it - your one true love, and then you lost it, leaving only a memory.

*ButterflyB*Suggestions & Typos:

I thinks we’re on our way - delete the s in thinks

"Where to be when that dark day
Comes and wipes away
all that we hold dear
Oh, well,
We’ve got each other my dear".

Your last two lines here don't really work well together; there are so many other words you can use, here, tear, year, fear. Try changing that a little. *Smile*

*ButterflyV*Overall Thoughts & Rating:
This was my favorite part.

"It hurts to say, it hurts to feel
It’s hard to say What is real."

If you are planning on writing a lot of poetry, I saved Rhymezone to my favorites on my computer, to find rhyming words - it's brilliant! *Smile*



Regards
Cherry-Anne


*RainbowL*Write On!*RainbowR*



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72
72
Review by Devil's Del...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Wow, Ken,

This is amazing. Your words have so much meaning, so much depth and they really do look to the beyond.

It's so easy to just condemn as one drives by safely in your car, but who knows what has brought that person to where they are, and you manage to say it in such a reflective way. You write so eloquently.

The last two lines brought tears to my eyes. A mother will endure anything for the sake of her children, and yet still try to keep them safe from the reality of her world.

An awesome poem.
I wish I could write like you do.

Regards
Cherry-Anne
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73
73
Review of Life of Hershey  
Review by Devil's Del...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)


*RainbowL*Hello from the "Simply Positive Review Forum "  [E]!!!*RainbowR*

I saw your entry on the Public Review page, and both your title and mention below caught my attention
*ButterflyR*Narrative & Dialogue:

This was so cute. I really enjoyed this story, the narration was excellent written from the POV of a chocolate cookie. I enjoyed the little boy's dialogue too. You kept it very real.


*ButterflyO*Form & Flow:

The story flowed well, and I was counting the days along with the cookie.

*ButterflyG*Imagery & Emotion:

Your imagery was great, I could see the stocking, and the contents, pick up the change of seasons, and feel the cookie's ever hopeful demeanour.

*ButterflyB*Suggestions & Typos:
Just one error that I noticed ... Snaps it up into its mouth - should be lower case S. If you wanted to emphasise the word, you could have italicized it rather.


*ButterflyV*Overall Thoughts & Rating:

This was a gorgeous story - I was really sorry it ended the way it did, but I guess you didn't really have a choice, lol. I totally enjoyed this. *Smile*

Regards
Cherry-Anne


*RainbowL*Write On!*RainbowR*



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74
74
Review of From Beyond  
Review by Devil's Del...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)


*RainbowL*Hello from the "Simply Positive Review Forum "  [E]!!!*RainbowR*


*ButterflyR*Narrative & Dialogue:

Oooh, I liked this - the seemingly innocent dust bunnies with ulterior motives.

*ButterflyO*Form & Flow:

The form and flow was great - rolled smoothly off the tongue.

*ButterflyG*Imagery & Emotion:

This was great... this definitely got my imagination going.

*ButterflyB*Suggestions & Typos:

I felt the capital I in Interdimensional stopped the flow just slightly but that might just be me.

*ButterflyV*Overall Thoughts & Rating:

A great chilling read. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Regards
Cherry-Anne


*RainbowL*Write On!*RainbowR*



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75
75
Review by Devil's Del...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hi there,

Okay, this was an interesting beginning. I would like to see more when you continue your story.

It would make for easier reading if you go back and double space between the paragraphs.

New dialogue said by another person is written as a new paragraph.

Withdrawl - should be spelt withdrawal.

Please go back and do these small changes to make this a better piece. It has such potential. *Smile*

Fix those small things, add more to it, and you will immediately earn yourself a better star rating.

Write on!
Regards
Cherry-Anne
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