Hi, this is a good piece! It brings to mind my own children. They left colorful images on my heart. And as you stated the colors may be fading, but the voices echo.
Hello, This isn't my usual genre preference, but have set reading and reviewing 'out-of-my-comfort-zone' pieces as one of my goals for this year.
I don't mind this one at all. I got into the spirit of the work. You managed to keep my attention. I tend to stop reading pieces of this type after the first few lines. I thought the twist at the end was creative.
I saw no errors. I almost enjoyed this, and that is saying a lot for me! Nancy
Hello, This is a nice poem about the earthly angels we find around us. There are those few who just seem to always be giving to others.
There are a couple places that need to be fixed. In the second line the word 'whale' should be spelled 'wail'. In the 4th verse you used a word I'm not sure of; 'urning' Did you mean 'yearning'? In the last verse I don't think you need the apostrophe in the word 'its'. The meaning with an apostrophe is the contraction for 'it is'. The instance in the poem shows ownership.
I like the use of the word 'earthen' to describe these extaordinary people.
Hi Maggie, Yes, I do have Ireland in my heart. I've never been there, but can feel it's pull through my ancestory. I have other nationalities in my blood(English, Scottish, Welsh, and German) but it seems to be the Celts that are deep within my soul.
I enjoyed your poetry. It touched that hard to reach spot in my soul. Good job! Nancy
Oh, Chuck! How can you know this? What an extraordinary piece of writng! It reaches right in and touches the soul! I was almost in tears! You are an excellent writer!
There is nothing that can be improved upon and nothing more to say! Nancy
Hi This is a good description. I myself don't have ADHD, but have worked with kids who do. This describes what I have observed to a T.
The mechanics are good and the rhythm is good.
I would like to apologize for my review of your poem on religion. I should have stated my opinion in a less offensive manner. I have been upset with myself since I wrote it.
You do a good job of getting your point across. I think you are correct in saying that it is too complex for us to grasp.
Your final statement summarizes perfectly. I am a faithful believer, (Jesus is #1 in my life), and have felt as you, that however our existence began,it was by the hand of God.
There is one typo you need to fix in the last full paragraph. You typed '..to base it own.' instead of 'on'.
This is as good reminder that when we are at our wits end and seem about to lose our way, we just need to trust our faith to get us through. Not always easy though, is it?
The mechanics of this poem is good. I see no grammatical or spelling errors.
This is a good start to the peace you are looking for in 'Yellow Pride'. We have to realise how important we are. People don't know what is going on inside, but God does. If we don't like ourselves, we have no incentive to live life to it's fullest. I know that is a cliche, but it is full of truth.
As your self esteem inproves, maybe you will be able to capitalize the word 'I'. Not only is that proper grammar, it shows the worth of who you are.
What a neat poem. I love the word hyperbole. I've always thought it was fun to say. My definition has been, exaggeration for sake of explanation. It is one of my favorite literary devices. I am amazed to think someone would wax poetic about it.
I suppose I should critique, this is a review after all. No errors. Rhyme and rhythm are good.
Thanks for providing me with some enjoyment this afternoon. Nancy
What a wonderful way to state God's way of shaping us to be our best, and the way He wants us to be. Sometimes it's hard to go through the 'bad' parts, but they are just the path to the 'good' parts.
In line 26, there is a typo. You added the letter 'd' to the end of the word 'appreciate'.
You have done a good job with this poem. Keep it up!
What truthful words! There are a couple gold nuggets I would like to mention. 'He reaches to us, Expects us to reach back to Him.' He lets us make the choice of accepting His love. The other nugget is the last two lines. 'Something small and simple Doesn't have to be real grand.' It is the simple things that make life worthwhile. Just a smile from a stranger can brighten someones day.
The last line throws off the rhythm a little. It made it hard to finish the poem.
I like the thoughts expressed in this poem. Absolutely true.
Hi there, welcome to Writing.Com. Good to have you aboard.
I like your poem. It reminds me of the dreams I used to have about soaring off the ground. The rhyming and rhythm are good. There are a couple spots to fix.
In verse 1 combining the 3rd and 4th line would improve the look and flow of the piece. In verse 2, you don't need the apostrophe for the word 'heavens'. In verse 3 the word exist needs to have the letter 's' at the end.
Fixing these spots would improve the rating. Write On!
I'm sorry if this describes your life. The writing seems to come from experience. But never give up searching for that love. It will come from somewhere you least expect.
The mechanics of this piece are good. The repetition is perfect for what you are saying. You did a good job!
Good advice. We so often set goals without understanding it takes passion to see them through to completion.
There are a few suggestions. Adding the title above the body of the poem would help the reader. The first verse starts to explain your thoughts, but doesn't say what they are. The title would be close at hand if the reader wanted to make it clearer in his mind.
In the description in your port, you misspelled inspiration, putting the letter 'e' in place of the letter 'i'.
Verse one, the word 'piece' should be 'peace'?
Verse two, the word demise is a noun. You have it being an action (verb) the person does. You could restate it 'some want your demise' without changing rhythm or meaning.
Verse four, a comma after the word 'passion' would make it easier to read. This line, by the way, sums up your poem nicely.
I have checked your port. I like what I've read so far. I will be able to read in depth at a later time. I have to get ready for work.
Welcome to Writing.Com Writer's of your caliber are a pleasure to read. Mrs. H (Nancy)
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