This poem is written from the heart and tells of a mothers (and fathers) love for their child. I know there isn't a thing I wouldn't do for mine. They are, as you say, my heart and soul.
I enjoyed reading this and could relate to the pain one would feel at losing a child, especially to violence. Thank you for sharing this.
OMG, this is hilarious. If this is a true story I would just loved to have seen the look on her face. Thank you so much for sharing it and making me laugh.
I found your questions interesting, because as you say some things seem so clear cut that there should be no way of confusing right from wrong and yet sometimes the lines do get blurred. It is wrong to kill someone. That can not be argued with. And yet everyday we put people on death row. Is that wrong. The lines are blurred.
I found all the examples in here valid, although to be honest I would have liked to see you explore them a little more in detail. What would be examples that would make some of these right and wrongs blur?
I enjoyed reading this and look forward to reading more. Thank you for sharing this with us.
This story had me chuckling all the way through. I have never been skiing before. Never plan too. As uncoordinated as I am I know what the outcome would be.
I love the way you refer to your friends and put quotation marks around them when you mention how they convinced you you didn't need lessons, that skiing was easy.
A few suggestions:
When one person is speaking and then another person speaks you should start a new line, not keep the conversation going in the same line.
If you get going to fast, too
I enjoyed reading this and have confirmed my resolve that skiing is a dangerous sport. Thank you for sharing this with us!
This is a fun poem that takes the reader on a journey, drifting in a boat and being kissed by the rain. I could almost feel the calm tranquility as the boat traveled down the sea. The ending was an unexpected surprise, but very fitting.
Death is Life is the theme here. Life is full of disappointment and sacrifice and dreams that are broken and then death comes and you are free to fly.
There is a lot of truth in the idea that your life has meaning after death. After you die all the people that once critisized remember you with fond memories. If you are an artist you will now become famous and your work will sell for a lot of money.
Even though I am in no hurry to die I enjoyed reading this. There were a few things that could be improved upon though.
All we can do is just sit there and wait till theyre broken they're
A chance for yourself without any sacrifices.
This is just my opinion but I found this sentence confusing.
A pet care center with a swimming pool for the pets? Now that is a dogs loife lol. There were several humerous spots in this but also some areas that need work.
For example: And if they want help we have an excellent support staff to bathe and groom. I chuckled when I read this. Maybe it's just me but it sounds as though the support staff needs to be bathed and groomed.
We always encourage the guests to take care of themselves.
Again, this caused a chuckle. Sorry, if I were going to place my cat in a care center it would be so he would be taken care of. Otherwise he could stay home and take care of himself.
Thank you for sharing this. The image of cats and dogs swimming together in a pool put a smile on my face.
This absolutely reminded me of my own life and I am sure there are many out there that can relate to it. It is difficult when one has loved and been hurt on numerous occasions to open themselves up to that emotion again. I often wonder how many people out there that suffer from depression do so because they are unable to open up to love again. My life was on a similoar road, refusing to take a chance, not even looking anymore, when my fiance came into my life. He sure as hell wasn't who I thought I would ever end up with but thanks to his refusal to leave me alone, no matter how many times I said leave me along, go away, he finally wore me down and got the first date. And now here we are engaged.
Even though your story didn't end up with a happily ever after I am glad you end it on a positive note, realizing that somewhere out there someone is waiting.
I had never heard of a Pushkin Sonnet before so I am glad that a description was included in the end. This particular sonnet, written by Ms.Magi takes a humerous look at rhyming poems and school.
It seems to follow the pattern that a Pushnk Sonnet is supposed to take and I have no suggestions for improvement. I enjoyed reading this. Thank you for sharing!
It's impressive enough when someone can write an acrostic and have it flow smoothly, but doubly so when it is a double acrostic. Not only did it flow smoothly but you managed to work the second acrostic in perfectly. The only suggestion I would have is to maybe highlight both acrostics so it is easier to see. The first was easy enough to read since it was lined up, but the acrostic at the end didn't line up and wasn't immidiately noticable.
This is a story that tells the tale of callousness in our day and age. How anyone can wittness someone being robbed or abused is something I will never be able to understand. Unfortunately it happens everyday. I think you have done a good job expressing this in your story.
I found a few typo's and have listed them below. Thank you for sharing this with us!
Jezri
the love for you’re fellow man Should be your fellow man. Written as you're is a contraction for you are.
he though maybe there was some humanity left after all thought
I'm not sure I see the outcome of Gilligan's Island the same as you but it is an interesting thought. Who would survive to the end it it were a reality show?
When I first saw the title to this I thought maybe this would be a short story deailing their lives as one by one they were voted off. Instead it was a short summation of one possible outcome. Perhaps you might consider writing a longer version?
Oh my gosh, but this is hilarious. Written using the titles of 25 movies it tells the tale of two friends arguing over whos family is more dysfunctional. I had to laugh at the thought of Mary, (all about Mary} being knocked up by the Cable guy. I also love Joe Pesci and was pleased to see two of his funniest, (in my opinion) used. An excellent job! I hope you did well in the contest.
This is such a heartbreaking story about someone who fires a gun on a dare and kills an innocent child. The poem is filled with the regret from the action and how he wishes it were all just a nightmare he could wake from. Extremely well written it takes the reader on the journey of realization as he faces the mothers hatred.
This is the story of one friend playing a prank on another friend who has just purchased an expensive item. The friend, tired of seeing his friend playing with his new gadget playes a trick, convincing him that in a year the gadget will be useless.
It is a bit humerous, especially when another friend jumps in, adding to the prank. It reminds me of a time when we convinced a woman I used to work with that she had a virus that was strictly for the birds, so to speak. We all about fell on the floor a few days later when she came into work to announce that she had gone to the doctor and we were all , well, I won't repeat what she said. Fortunately she had a sense of humor.
I found a few typo's which I have listed below. Thank you so much for sharing this with us and welcome to writing.com!
Jezri
he just kept pushing the button ad checking the time and
to impress others at the party of just remind himself what a great purchase he made.or
Hello Michelle Broughton. My name is Jezri and I would like to welcome you to writing.com!
This is a well told tale of a daughter who discovers a legasy her mother had left for her, and in all honesty I think I would prefer the home made gifts myself. My sister has some jars that a friend of hers painted, just regular bottles that have been turned into a work of art. They are gorgeous and I can tell a lot of work has gone into them. The sad turn this story takes is a bit disheartening and I can feel the pain she has at knowing her mother may never be well again.
I notice no errors or typos's and can't imagine suggesting anything to improve this story. It is beautifully told, the love between mother and daughter showing through. Thank you for sharing this with us.
Oh but this is funny! I can't imagine willingly giving your own child a drum set. Someone elses, sure, but not your own. But then kids have never needed drums to make noise. Where there are pots and pans to bang with spoons, or sand pales to drum with shovels there will always be drums.
I enjoyed the overall feel of this poem, which brought to my mind images of my own kids on the floor of the kitchen, or better yet the look on my sisters face when her son announced he wanted to join the band and play the drums. He was actually quite good too...but oh, when he first started and had to practice lol.
I could find no errors in this poem and have no suggestions for improvement. I think it is perfect as is. Thank you for sharing this with us.
This is a cute story and the ending is just perfect. It is a fact that there are some people that can't smell skunk. My sister, lucky her, is one of them. We could be driving down the road and everyone in the car wrinkling up their nose from the skunk smell outside and she'd be saying, "I don't smell a thing."
There were a few stumbling blocks in the story though. The first is the following sentence.
His hair is actually much to thin for this style but he hasn’t cut it since some special day years and has no plans to any day soon.
I think it is rather confusing. I read it several times to try and make sense of it, but no such luck.
“I think you better get up and come over to our place. They have evacuated your building” my husband is a little concerned for him
There needs to be a period at the end of building. Either that or a comma. If period then my needs to pe capitalized.
And spelling errors:
neighbourhoodneighborhood
neighboursneighbors
wokenwoke
Thanki you for sharing this with us! It was enjoyable to read.
I completely enjoyed reading this story! It reminds me of stories I loved to read as a kid, stories filled with secret rooms or gardens that led to all kinds of adventures. Maybe one day you will consider expanding on this and taking Danni on an adventure into the Secret Garden and elsewhere. After all there may be no limit to what those binoculars will reveal.
I found no errors within and have no suggestions for improvement. Thank you for sharing this and bringing back fond memories of stories long past.
Hello Poetess, my name is Jezri and I would like to welcome you to writing.com. I am going to be reviewing your poem, "Pizza" .
This poem is a fun piece that is making me crave some pizza as I read it. I really don't have a lot of suggestions as this poem creates a fun image, but there are a few places where the rhythm of the poem is a bit off. Of course this is just my opinion so please feel free to file my opinions as you see fit.
Peppers and onions sure would be nice
May I have another slice? Here I would suggest removing the word sure. It gets the 2 lines closer in rhythm.
Anchovies, mushrooms, tomatoes too,
But wait! I'm still not through! On the second line I would suggest adding another word to bring the rhythm closer together. Something like But wait dude, I'm still not through! Maybe it's just me, but I think that would not only bring the poem more together but add to the humor of it.
Pineapple, spices, and types of meat
Don't take my plate! I still must eat! Change and types of meat to all types of meat.
Again, this is just my opinion. Thank you so much for sharing this with us all.
Your poem, "Broken" , seems to be a tragic story of a man, (or woman), who is at a crossroads and has decisions to be made. Making one decison coulod change the course of the road and affect many people.
You use a lot of imagery and the ending is perfect. It puts me in mind of someone that may be contemplating suicide.
The rhythm of the poem is off just a little, but that can be fixed with a little work, Thank you for sharing this with us!
Your story, "Deception" is about a woman who writes an article for a newspaper. In the article she claims to have all kinds of adventures, the majority of them being lies. She assumes that the people reading the article have got to know that she is exagerating, that no one person can do all that she claims to have done, but at the same time worries that if they don't know then they will be upset and someone may want to hurt her, This ends up coming true when someone makes a threat against her.
There are several spelling errors throughout the story. You refer to her as the wondering woman. I am assuming you mean wandering, as she supposedly wanders about the world, although she is wondering if people know about her deception.
The only way I had managed to escape a new life in India with a man I didn’t love (or really know) by running to the airport under the pretence of going to the shop for some bread.
I have been told I over use commas, so I could be wrong, but I think that you need to have a comma in thes places and add the word was. love ,(or really know), was by
only last week I wrote about my mother dieing dying
They must realise realize
I manage to push myself through the feeing crowd and fall against a wall around the corner. fleeing
You may want to go back through and read this from beginning to end, paying attention to the sentence structure. There are several run on sentences where you either need to use commas, like when you put something in between brackets, or add a period in some places.
This is a story with a good concept. With a little work at cleaning it up I think you have a great beginning to an adventure. Thank you for sharing this with us all and again, welcome to writing.com!
Jezri
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