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Review Requests: OFF
3,537 Public Reviews Given
4,150 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I tend to review using a format that I can comment on plot, characters, setting, atmosphere and dialogue. I also try to point out typos/errors and that sort of thing. This style may change depending on the item!
I'm good at...
I'm better with fiction than anything else. I might be able to have a go at poetry but please don't expect too much!
Favorite Genres
Horror, dark, suspense, thriller, mystery. However, I'm open minded and will read most genres.
Favorite Item Types
Statics - fiction.
Public Reviews
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201
201
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I was searching for something to read when I came across this. anxiety is something that has affected me (not personally) but someone I love and so this is an important subject to me.

*Checkg*What I liked:

This is an interesting and strong opinion piece about the factors causing anxiety and the treatment methods currently used. I agree that anxiety is a big problem for a lot of people and that rather than treating it, it should be prevented. I think you present a very valid argument here, one that had me nodding along with you. You present it in a logical manner and explain why you think what you do. I think over all this works well as an article and I want to thank you for sharing it here.

Write on!


*Cut**Paste*A few line by line suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG* I think health departments and community agencies need to get a head of this future

'Ahead' should be one word.

*BulletG* I think health departments and community agencies need to get ahead of this future



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
202
202
Review of unemployment  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey, I saw this listed on the 'Newbie's' page and wanted to stop by with a review. It was the title that attracted me as unemployment is such a big issue and I wanted to come and get your thoughts on it.


*Checkg*What I liked:

This piece, rather than an opinion piece, is more like a monologue or a journal entry almost. It took me a little while to figure out what was going on and it took a couple of re-reads of the first part, but then I got there. It seems to me like you're worried about what your other half is doing when he's not around and you're not hearing from him. I'm glad you trust him and I hope that continues and that your relationship with him prospers.

In terms of the actual narrative, the way it's written is fine because it's a personal piece but I'd suggest maybe using capitals when they're needed, using proper sentences, that way it'll read and flow a lot better. I'd also suggest changing it from 'other' to something like 'monologue' which will give the reader more of a hint as to what is in the item. The item description part is also a good idea and it should be fully utilised, it's another way to hint to the reader what's in the piece. I'd suggest putting in this one something like:

'My thoughts on my relationship when I'm alone.'

Thank you for sharing this!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
203
203
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I was looking for something in the horror/scary genre to read when I spotted this. It sounds like a delightfully dark tale I couldn't resist!

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of a woman who is currently in a psychiatric ward. She's tormented by the woman in the mirror who looks at her and accuses, forever judging her. She can't get past it and does what she feels she has to to make her go away.

It's an interesting piece and a good read too.

*People*Characters: The woman is the main character here. I'd suggest giving her a name which will help the reader identify with her. It's clear that she's quite unhinged. She hurts a lot of people around her and talks about it like it's normal and then, she is obsessed with the woman in the mirror without any realisation that it's her. I think you handled this well.

*Home*Setting: This takes place in a mental institution

*BurstR*Dialogue:I would just say with dialogue, make sure you have speech tags where they are needed as I noticed several missing ones. Also, when using speech inside speech, you need to change quotation marks. For example, if she said:

"He said this to me, 'I love you', but I didn't believe him."

See the difference? It just makes it easier to understand.



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*A 20 something year old woman

Number under 100 are usually written out in full.

*BulletG*A twenty something year old woman

*BulletB*room and says “So, tell me about this woman you speak of. This woman in the mirror”

Here, I'd put a comma before the speech and then have a full stop to end it.

*BulletB*room and says, “So, tell me about this woman you speak of. This woman in the mirror.”


*BulletR*She turns to sit in plush leather chair in the middle of the room,

This is just missing a word.

*BulletR*She turns to sit in the plush leather chair in the middle of the room,

*BulletV*“I would curse myself for telling her, but I didn’t. I’ve never spoken them aloud and… somehow she knows.

This just needs an ending quotation mark.

*BulletV*“I would curse myself for telling her, but I didn’t. I’ve never spoken them aloud and… somehow she knows."

*Bullet*She was a copy cat; I knew if I chopped off my finger, she would too.

This just needs an opening quotation mark.

*Bullet*"She was a copy cat; I knew if I chopped off my finger, she would too.

*BulletG* It was so foreign to me I had to look around to make sure it was me.”

This just needs an opening quotation mark.

*BulletG* "It was so foreign to me I had to look around to make sure it was me.”

*BulletB*Now, I know what you must be thinking,

This just needs an opening quotation mark.

*BulletB*"Now, I know what you must be thinking,



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
204
204
Review of Stairway To Hell  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I saw this featured in the horror/scary newsletter and thought I'd stop by to review it as I always love your work. It has an interesting title and leaves me wondering what's down that stairway already!

*Pencil*Storyline: Well, what an interestingly disturbing piece! the reader follows Hatch who is in the tunnel, admiring the work he has done in the past and wondering where all of the rats have gone as he misses them. One by one he finds them but soon, they all come to find him... What a creepy and original idea!

*People*Characters: Hatch is the main character in this piece. He's quite a disturbed man though it seems he thinks that what he's done is normal.

*Home*Setting: This takes place in the tunnel. You set the scene really well and allow the reader to be there with him.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: Scary and very creepy.




*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*he develop into a man who had eventually murdered his own soul,

I think this should be 'developed'.

*BulletG*he developed into a man who had eventually murdered his own soul,




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
205
205
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey, saw this piece featured in the horror/scary newsletter and I wanted to stop by with a review. The title was intriguing and the description carried it on and left me wanting to read it.

*Pencil*Storyline: This was an interesting piece. Three friends go away to a cabin on the pretence of ice fishing but really their plan is to drink and have guy time away from their wives. Only, something is out there after a meteorite crashes a couple of miles from the cabin and leaves something that's hungry and lusting for blood.

One thing I noticed is that there are a couple of places where you switch to present tense and it interrupts the flow of the story.

Also, I didn't quite understand why, halfway through, there's a bit of the story in smaller text than the rest. I'd suggest making it the same size.

*People*Characters: Alex is the main character and the one who is telling the story. We see everything from his point of view which gives the reader a good sense of action, especially towards the end of the story.

Sam and Kevin are his two friends. Sam looks a little out of place but comes across as warm, loyal and knowledgeable while Kevin comes across as being a bit of a jerk.

*Home*Setting: This takes place in a cabin in the middle of nowhere covered in snow.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: Horror and a lot of action.


*Checkg*What I liked:

I like the way you described this:

It was out there, and trying to get in! I felt like a boxed lunch.

This is also a good indicator of emotion and I liked the way it was written:

I screamed out in frustration, loss, and anger; there wasn't room for fear.

*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*quickly changing their preconceive perceptions of him,

I think this should be 'preconceived'.

*BulletG*quickly changing their preconceived perceptions of him,

*BulletB*lets go find this thing instead,"

This should have an apostrophe as it's an abbreviation.

*BulletB*let's go find this thing instead,"

*BulletR*I had to warn him. We have to get help to find Kevin and then we needed to get the hell out of here.

This is written in the past tense but the word 'have' here brings it into the present. I'd suggest changing it to 'had'.

*BulletR*I had to warn him. We had to get help to find Kevin and then we needed to get the hell out of here.

*BulletV*This wasn't an unusually occurrence,

This should be 'unusual'.

*BulletV*This wasn't an unusual occurrence,

*Bullet*It is in my way.

This should be 'was'.

*Bullet*It was in my way.




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
206
206
Review of Officer Knise  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I wanted to stop by and offer you a review of this item as I saw it in the horror/scary newsletter and thought it would be good read.

*Pencil*Storyline: This was certainly a very interesting and original piece. Can you remember what the prompt was? I think part of the horror in this piece comes from the fact that the reader assumes the police can be trusted (as would anyone) but that reality is shattered. We follow Richard through the story as he discovers a grisly scene and then follows protocol and phones the police but things soon turn very weird.

*People*Characters: Richard is the main character here. He comes across as a normal guy, honest, and he does the right thing when it's called for. The police on the other hand come across as being quite weird from the start which helps to set the atmosphere.

*Home*Setting: You set the scene really well in this piece. I found that it helped build the atmosphere.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: This piece was quite intense.



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG* I’ll be back.” He said gruffly,

When dialogue is followed by a speech tag which tells the reader how something is said, the speech should end in a comma (or ? or !) and be followed by a lower case letter.

*BulletG* I’ll be back,” he said gruffly,




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
207
207
Review of Coffee  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey Christine, I'm here with a review of this piece as part of your Nuclear Package! I chose this piece because I love coffee too and it just sounded so yum!


*Checkg*What I liked:

This is a really interesting piece. You take something, something that seems to be so simple, and you let the reader enjoy your pleasure with you. You take the reader through the process of the coffee making, the special significance it holds and the way that all of your senses engage with it. I think this in particular, was really well done. I understood where you were coming from and enjoyed it as you did. I also like the way you describe it as not being the coffee, but the moment. I think that works really well and I have to say, I know where you're coming from with that. I think you managed to express yourself well in this piece.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts on coffee *Heart* It almost feels like it could be an M&S advert!


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*I use it for all my coffee cups during the day and one of the things that make it special to me

I think this should be 'makes'

*BulletG*I use it for all my coffee cups during the day and one of the things that makes it special to me



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
208
208
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey! I've had this item saved in my list of things to read until I had time to stop by. I think the fact that it has been given a fun title and description really enticed me so here I am!

*Checkg*What I liked:

This was a really informative article. I really like the way that you've likened it to an amusement park which not only made it amusing but helped to explain the different elements about sentences structure. I found I had a visual image which really helped me. You have written a really good piece about sentences structure, what to avoid and how. It's like a definitive guide and it's something I'm going to save to a list for future reference.

Thank you for sharing!


*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
209
209
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: I was looking for something in the horror genre to read when I came across this. The title intrigued me and I couldn't help but open it.

*Pencil*Storyline: this tells of the interaction of a first session between patient and psychiatrist. It tells the reader the questions that were asked, the answers given and then the patient's inability to cope with the answers and the consequential death.

The ending was a twist that I really didn't expect. It did confuse me a little as I wasn't sure when the two had switched places and the psychiatrist died rather than the patient.

Another thing I can't quite decide on is the way the story is told. It's a very neutral tone, and it's told rather than shown to the reader. I can't help but feel it's actually like a written file, something the psychiatrist has written down. In which case, if this is what you intended, it works well.

*People*Characters: There are two characters here: the patient and the psychiatrist. The patient is given a lot of emphasis, both his appearance and thoughts. The story is told from the POV of the psychiatrist.

*Home*Setting: The office where the session takes place.





Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
210
210
Review of Revenge so sweet  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey, I wanted to come and return the review you did for me. I chose this piece because the title interested me. After reading this I thought you might want to change the type from 'other' to something like 'prose'. This piece doesn't strike me as a story because it doesn't have a beginning, middle and end like a story would, but it's like a vignette.

*Pencil*Storyline: I enjoyed reading this piece. Though short, it was really intense and allowed the reader to get into the mind of the woman there who was sitting on the ground. First we see that she's upset but as the piece moves on we see how that changes from grief into rage and revenge. It did leave me wanting to know what this other person had done to make her want revenge and who this other person was (I made the assumption it was an ex partner, but I may be wrong on that).

*People*Characters: The woman is the main character here. She has no name and all we know about her is that she's hurting and alone. You build her well in such a short space and allow the reader to see the thoughts within her mind.

*Home*Setting: She's in a cold dark room on her own. That's all we need to know but it still sets the scene, well done.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: This piece is indeed dark and emotional.

*BurstR*Dialogue: Just a little note about having internal dialogue. Often it's put into italics rather than quotation marks to make it stand out within the narrative.



*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
211
211
Review of Just Get Over It  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I wanted to come and return the review you did for me. I don't normally read a lot of non-fiction but when I spotted this piece and began to get an idea of what it was about, I wanted to read it.


*Checkg*What I liked:

This was a really uplifting piece! I really enjoyed reading it and though I don't have anxiety myself, I did know where you were coming from. You describe your technique really well and go on throughout the article to say how it works for you and why. I really like that. Living the moment by the second really seems to work and it's amazing to think you've achieved such a big result through changing the way you think about things and the way you breathe!

I have to say I wish my partner read more as I'd show him this. He suffers anxiety and has for a long time and is nowhere near this stage. I like that you saw the way your happiness was in your hands and you changed it until you were happy.

Thank you for sharing!

*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!:



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
212
212
Review of Angry Elk Attack  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hi Lesley, I'm here with a review of this piece from A Contest of Firsts!


*Checkg*What I liked:

Thank you for sharing this story with us. It sounds like it was a terrifying attack, one in which you potentially could have been seriously injured or even killed. Although you say you wish you had been more vigilant to your surroundings I would say you already were and you listened to your instincts which told you something was wrong and when you got the chance, you acted in a way that put you out of harms way. And I'm glad you were okay! This certainly warns reader against the dangers of wild animals. Thank you for sharing!


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG* the South Carolina air was thick, humid and thick with hungry deer flies.

Here you've used the word 'thick' twice within a sentence. I'd suggest changing one.

*BulletB*at worst, will disembowel or kill a trespasser, as I was at the time.

This should be 'would' as you've written it in the past tense.

*BulletB*at worst, would disembowel or kill a trespasser, as I was at the time.


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
213
213
Review of Memories  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I wanted to come and return the review you did for me *Smile*

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of John who looks through a bunch of old photographs after is grandma passes away. He watches as the people in them begin to change and age and even disappear.

I really like the way you wrote this. It worked well and the transition through the photos was clear and concise.

*People*Characters: John was the main character here, the grandchild. He is losing himself in the memories of times gone past and appears to be quite emotional at this. I'm not really sure how old he is though I get the feeling he's an older teen. I think his reaction to the sequence of photos works well.

*Home*Setting: I'm not sure where this takes place, probably his home, but you focus on the plot (the photos) which is much more important.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: This piece is quite sad but also nostalgic at the same time.


*Checkg*What I liked:

I really like this line:

Memories… are a wonderful thing, but living in them all the time, that just won’t do.

To me, it's so true. I get nostalgic sometimes and love recalling events from the past but I also like to remember they are in the past. Nicely put.


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*He woman in the pictures seemed so lively, so happy, her smile seeming to light up each picture she was in.

I think this should be 'the'

*BulletG*The woman in the pictures seemed so lively, so happy, her smile seeming to light up each picture she was in.


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
214
214
Review of Slaughterhouse  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: So I saw you posted this to your notebook and I'm in a reviewing kind of mood which works well cos I had to stop by and read this!

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of Harley who, on Halloween, lets his mind run a little farther away with him than intended. It was a well written piece that flowed well and drew the reader into the story and into his mind.

*People*Characters: Harley is the main character here. He works in a slaughter house (already very suspicious!) and assumes that because his mother and grandfather 'went mad' it's only a matter of time until it happens to him. We also find out that he doesn't really like other people and seems to be passionate about his job (which he takes home).

*Home*Setting: this takes place in the slaughterhouse. You do a really great job of setting the scene. You describe quite graphically the scene within the slaughterhouse and I think it works really well. It kind of likens the butchery to him and what he likes.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: Quite creepy and intense.




*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
215
215
Review of The Abyss  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I spotted this piece on the newbies page and wanted to stop by and read.


*Checkg*What I liked:

This is a dark piece in which you express yourself and the pain you feel when you have panic attacks. I think you have captured the emotions you feel throughout really well and show the reader just how empty and thirsty you are left feeling. I particularly like the repetition of the word thirst and think it really pulls it together. The piece is free verse in form and not so much a poem, perhaps more prose or monologue. I like it because you're so open within this and not afraid to be honest.

Thank you for sharing.



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
216
216
Review of Normal Norman  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I wanted to come and offer you a review of this piece when I saw it on the newbies list *Smile* The description of the piece intrigued me.

*Pencil*Storyline: I'm guessing this is still a work in progress judging by the way it ends. Norman Norman is sitting at a table watching the world go by and makes his thoughts known.

You start this piece in third person i.e. Norman was sitting...
However, this soon switches to first person i.e. I was sitting...

This confused me a little and I would suggest trying to keep to one throughout the piece.

You also change from past tense at the beginning to present tense towards the end which also jars the piece. I would suggest sticking with one throughout.

*People*Characters: Norman Norman is the main character here. So far I found his name quite striking and would hope to find out the story behind it!




*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*Within the boundaries of his vision he could see how they sat in the distance,

Here you mention 'they' but it's unclear to the reader who he's looking at. Later you mention his parents. I would suggest having that in here so it helps the reader form a clearer picture.

*BulletG*Within the boundaries of his vision he could see how his parents sat in the distance,

*BulletB*It was a glowing summer's afternoon,

I think this would sound better as 'summer'

*BulletB*It was a glowing summer afternoon,

*BulletR*I would like to say

This line kind of jarred me from the story. I'm not sure if this is Norman's thoughts or the narrators. I would suggest deleting this part to reflect Norman's thoughts and carry on with the rest of the sentence.
*BulletR*



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
217
217
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey! I spotted this in one of the newsletters this week and wanted to come and check it out *Smile* I like nonsense poems!


*Checkg*What I liked:

Complete and utter nonsense indeed! *Smile* I like that you began and ended with Inkle Dinkle Twinkletoes which did seem to pull it together somewhat, but the middle was a chaos of couplets and I really enjoyed reading it!

As I went through it I did think about where your inspiration may have come from and certainly on some of the tangents you go off on! But thank you for the fun read!




Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
218
218
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is an RAOK Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here with a review as part of the challenge presented by RAOK!

*Pencil*Storyline: I chose this piece because the description told me there was going to be a twist and it intrigued me. The title fits really well with it too. I have to say, I really didn't see that ending coming! As I neared the end I even thought it might be a personal monologue but it was a nice twist that made me smile.

*People*Characters: The character is the narrator in this story. I'm not really sure who it is though, whether it's a male or female though I do guess the person is still relatively young.

*Home*Setting: There is no particular setting in this piece although you set the scene well within the autumn season. I like the first paragraph in particular which gives some really great descriptions and made me feel it the way your narrator did.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: This piece has quite a sombre tone but with a fun twist!



*Cut**Paste*I have no suggestions to make!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the RAOK Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
219
219
Review of The Toolshed  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with RAOK Upgrade Brigade Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is an RAOK Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here with a review of this piece as part of the RAOK challenge to review something in the horror/scary genre!

*Pencil*Storyline: This was certainly a creepy tale! A girl is left babysitting her younger sister while her parents go out and invite her boyfriend but after some lewd message she decides to call it a night only, the texter becomes worse and refuses to leave...

I really like that you used the medium of text here and still managed to make it creepy. Phones are so ingrained within our society now and I like that it's s up to date. Even the little change of the font for the text works well.

*People*Characters: Erin is the main character here. She's a fifteen year old girl with a boyfriend. She's not ready for such a intimate relationship and coupled with the fact that she's looking after her sister's shows she's quite mature. I think I would have liked to get into her mind a little more to really know how she was feeling.

*Home*Setting: This takes place in Erin's home.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: Creepy!




*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*“Hey! We’re can’t go—”

I think this should be 'we'

*BulletG*“Hey! We can’t go—”



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the RAOK Group:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
220
220
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I wanted to return the review you did for me, I'm just sorry it took a while to get here.

*Pencil*Storyline: This was a really interesting piece written from the point of view of a little girl whose mother is a silent film star. It's an original idea and I like where you took it taking the reader almost on a day in the life of their little family and learning what it would be like.

*People*Characters: The character voice comes across well in this piece, the reader can see both how young she is and how much she loves her mum.

*Home*Setting: This is set in the roaring 20s and I think you do that well *Smile*

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: There is complete adoration in this piece and it's so great to see/hear how much this girl loves her mother.



*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*I will see the world the way a birds sees the world.

Just a little typo here with an extra 's'

*BulletG*I will see the world the way a bird sees the world.


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
221
221
Review of Overtime  
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here to return the review you did for me, I'm just sorry it took a while.

*Pencil*Storyline: This tells the story of Marla who waits for her husband to come home to enjoy the anniversary but doesn't see him until the next day. When he does arrive something isn't right and she can't put her finger on it until her real husband shows up!

I didn't see this ending coming and I think it worked well for that reason *Smile* It was a fun little read.

*People*Characters: Marla and Harry are the main characters. I have to say you had me feeling bad for her, after all, he missed their anniversary and then forgot her name!

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: This was quite a light hearted piece and despite the obvious pain she's going through everything works out in the end!


*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*"You Dolt," she burst into tears. "Yesterday was are wedding anniversary!"

This should be 'our'.

*BulletG*"You Dolt," she burst into tears. "Yesterday was our wedding anniversary!"



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
222
222
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here with a review of this piece as a judge for the 30 Day Image Prompt Contest!

*Pencil*Storyline: You took this piece in an interesting direction. Lilliana doesn't want to go to her own party because Lucas isn't there, but the comes to find her in the darkness. Everything is perfect for a moment until her father turns up. He commands Lucas to leave and there is unspoken words between them of something in the past.

I enjoyed reading this piece, the characters were well developed and it flowed nicely. The only thing I found is that I was left wondering what this thing was and how it was still affecting them.

*People*Characters: Lilliana was the main character here. She is in love with Lucas even though it will be forbidden by her father. She comes across as someone who doesn't want to wear her heart on her sleeve but does it anyway, she can't help it. The romance between her and Lucas is sizzling.

*Home*Setting:I'm not really sure where this takes place but you set the scene well.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: There is a lot of love and romance in this piece, I could feel the heat between them, but also a lot of conflict.




*Cut**Paste*A few suggestions I had:

Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear *Smile*

*BulletG*The silk of her black evening dress rustled as it skimmed over the uneven ground but she paid in no heed.

Just a little typo here, this should be 'it'.

*BulletG*The silk of her black evening dress rustled as it skimmed over the uneven ground but she paid it no heed.



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
223
223
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here with a review of this piece as a judge for the 30 Day Image Prompt Contest!


*Checkg*What I liked:

This was a fun little piece and really quite light hearted. It feels different to a lot of the pieces of yours that I've read (that's not to say it's bad!). You take the prompts of sigs and talk about the actuality of using sigs within the site, what they can mean, what they can say about a person. I like the warning at the end too, it's quite true!

The poem itself flows fine and feels natural *Smile*


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
224
224
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here with a review of this piece as a judge for the 30 Day Image Prompt Contest!

*Pencil*Storyline: This told the story of Angel, a woman who inherited certain powers after the death of her family and thought of them as more of a curse. Yet she uses them for good and tries to save those vulnerable people out there from the Reapers.

You wrote a really good piece here. It drew me in and had me wanting to read until the end. There was a lot of tension within that kept me there as well as the mystery of Angel.

*People*Characters: Angel is the main character here. You paint her as a dark warrior, someone who does good in the world and looks after those more vulnerable, at times without thought to her own life. I like her as a character and it was interesting to see her appearance through Gabe at the end.

*Home*Setting: This takes place on earth I believe. You set the scene well at the train station.

*Ghost*Atmosphere/tone: There was a lot of action in this piece as well as tension.

*Checkg*What I liked:

These were really great opening lines:

There was evil in the air, tonight. She could taste it. That sickly, sweet, slight bitterness as it went down your throat taste.


*Cut**Paste*I have no line by line suggestions to make!


Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
225
225
for entry "Invalid Entry" 
Review by blue jellybaby
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review! *Smile*

Please remember that these are just my thoughts and somebody else might see it differently!


*Reading*Initial hook: Hey I'm here with a review of this piece as a judge for the 30 Day Image Prompt Contest!


*Checkg*What I liked:

This was an interesting take on the prompt. You took the dark angel in the pic and turned it into an acrostic that looked at the seven deadly sins. I did wonder how you got to that. But that's no matter. I tend to like acrostics a lot because they make sense for my simple mind and this was no different. This was a good read, dark, and it flowed well, giving the reader a hint of all seven sins within the acrostic. Well done!



Hope this helped!


Well done on a good write!!*Pencil*

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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