Hello WhiteSpiritClan! Welcome to the site! Thanks for sharing your story on Writing Dot Com. I can tell you are a new writer and farily young. How great to be sharing your ideas! I have been seeing a lot of stories on here about vampires -- where people are incorporating them in some way. This is probably do to the bestseller, TWILIGHT, which I love! Well keep writing and keep sharing. I'm a poet myself.
Hi Brenda! A hearty welcome to Writing Dot Come!! Your poem is beautiful, expressing those emotions that we want to keep locked away... how other's can hurt us deeply even when we don't want them too. What a tought exterior we as humans can put on. The question is, how deeply are we hurting ourselves in the process?
Wonderfully done!! -River McKenna
It is my pleasure to review for your item: Summer Storm
This is simply an expression of how your writing touched me individually. Please do not take my review personally as each person has a different and unique perspective on your work. The important thing is that you are writing and sharing your ideas! How wonderful to do just that!
1. Overall Impression: I'm a sucker for romance so your story is A+ in my book. What a sweet, endearing, slightly provactive story. Tastefully done... you have a way with words and a gift for storytelling.
2. Strong Points: All of the above. You have great flow throughout this and your use of description is awesome. I noticed right away your usage of verbs to really drive home description. This is wonderful! Not everyone understands this and how important it is in writing.
3. Points of Improvement: None.
Overall Rating: 5.0
Thanks for a wonderful read! Keep writing and sharing...
It is my pleasure to review for your item: My Black Parade
This is simply an expression of how your writing touched me individually. Please do not take my review personally as each person has a different and unique perspective on your work. The important thing is that you are writing and sharing your ideas! How wonderful to do just that!
1. Overall Impression: Wow, how this writing spoke to me! What a wonderful description on music and how it affects us deep within...how we need it in certain times of our lives. You tell this story with ease and I absolutely love your ending, it's brilliant!
2. Strong Points: Your theme is excellent, easy to understand and identify with. Your emotion is exploding off the pages. Wonderfully done!
3. Points of Improvement: Just a few typos... otherwise I wouldn't change much. You've said what you needed to say and it means something to you.
Hahahah... this one made me laugh. I love your sacracasm! This is great, I wouldn't change anything about it, regardless of what other people may say.
Writing is about self expression and I think you have the knack for it, and is summed up well in your poetry. Thanks for sharing your ideas and thoughts. It has been fun visiting your port and I'm sorry it has taken me awhile to do so. Keep writing my friend! River
It is my pleasure to review for your item: Life Is Here
This is simply an expression of how your writing touched me personally. Please do not take my review personally as each person has a different and unique perspective on your work. The important thing is that you are writing and sharing your ideas! How wonderful to do just that!
1. Overall Impression: What a cool poem on life and living it each day. I can see your progression from beginning to end. How it starts with innocence and then slowly that innocence is taken over by the cruel realities of life's issues that come our way.
2. Strong Points: your imagery and sense of realism.
3. Points of Improvement: maybe work on the overall flow and tighten up the thoughts with what it is you are really trying to say. It just feels like something is missing. Don't worry, over time it will come...
I like this... it shows me you really think about what you write. Your themes are deeper than a lot of other writers that I see. Thanks for sharing a good one. I really like your last line when you state "while I forget the goodness that lies in people, in vain." Wow, that is moving...
Wow! What a story... this is so sad. My thoughts are just spinning. I am wondering if this is a true story or based on one. If it is, it's incredible. And if it's not, well then it is still incredible. Thanks for sharing your storytelling talent. I don't see any errors, I was too caught up in the story.
I have had two of my friends pass away over the last decade of my life. They were young too. Your poem reminds me of my friend Jake who died at the age of 23. I like how you say "your smile lit up a room, and your voice made a bad person turn good." It's this kind of charisma that really makes a person special. You have a wonderful ending, stating that life will still go on despite the loved one being gone. People like what you have described here are those who would want their friends and family to keep going...to continue being happy. I know my friend Jake would not have it any other way. But of course it's easier said than done. Thank you for sharing a lovely poem and tribute. This is great writing! Welcome to WDC and I hope you are getting good reviews. Just remember, they won't always be wonderful...but in the end they are just people's opinions. Be seeing you around! -River Mckenna
What an interesting story! I really love your ending, what a surprise. I work with watches in the Retail/Merchandising industry so this particularly a fun one for me. Your story is full of truth and depth. Thank you for sharing your talent. I am looking forward to seing more from you... -River Mckenna
Hello Harry! I enjoyed this read very much. I love how descriptive you are ... I can really feel the heat you are refering to! I can sense the discomfort that goes along with it. How dreadful! Thanks for sharing a great story.I will have to look at more of your stuff! -River Mckenna
Kayla, this is cute. I imagine it is exactly what a do would say and think. I'm not very good with animals because I don't like them, so this would be very challenging for me. You have done great though. What a nice poem..short and sweet. Thanks for sharing! -River Mckenna
Wow, this is funny!!! I was expecting something different when I saw what you put in your introduction. I love how you just dropped the "Sewer Rats" like that, followed with "darling". That made me laugh. I am going to look at more of your work. Welcome to WDC by the way. -River Mckenna
The emotion in this is very deep. I have had dreams like this, where you wake up and it takes a second to realize it was a dream. Sometimes you wish it never ended. I do hope to see more from you. You have a sense of realism in your writing, a way of putting it all out there. You don't hide. You are young and have plenty of time to develop into a fine writer. Take time, give your poems what they deserve. Also, you can find a mentor whether at school or on this site, and you can do amazing things! Thanks for sharing! -River Mckenna
You write with such depth and passion. This has emotion just dripping from it. I have written like this...and I feel your pain. Thank you for sharing something that is so deep. I will be looking at more of your stuff! Thanks, and welcome to WDC!! Write on, dear poet...-River Mckenna
Wow, this is very sad... i get the meaning behind the words. If you or anyone else you know has been abused there is a great group on here for those abused. It's posted under the groups area. Just thought I would mention it. Thanks for sharing your talent in writing. I look forward to seeing more of your writing. Welcome to Writing Dot com... it's a great site!! -River Mckenna
PS: You may want to change the rating to 13+ since it talk about beating in intro. Thanks!!
Meg! This is great! You are such a talented writer. How we as Americans probably take this this day for granted. It's funny how we do things over and over each year our of repetition... sometimes I wonder if people really get it. Thanks for writing about our holiday. I love you Aussie's! You help keep us in line... LOL -River
This is a great beginning to a good story! I am left wanting to know what is going to happen now! You are VERY descriptive. I think this is wonderful and this is your strength. I did notice that your present / past tense doesn't seem to match up. You could probably work on some in this area. You switch between both and it might be better to pinpoint which you want to use. Keep writing! I am looking forward to seeing more from you! -River Mckenna
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Overall Impression: I'm a sucker for romance so your story is A+ in my book. What a sweet, endearing, slightly provactive story. Tastefully done... you have a way with words and a gift for storytelling. 
Strong Points: All of the above. You have great flow throughout this and your use of description is awesome. I noticed right away your usage of verbs to really drive home description. This is wonderful! Not everyone understands this and how important it is in writing. 
Points of Improvement: None.
Overall Rating: 5.0