July 9, 2008.
Hey, Leigh, your present revver goes by TEFF. In this case, Miss TEFF, novelist.
Okay ... taking a few guesses after reading to the end of Chapter One. Do see Bridget waiting in the wings in Chapter 2.
There's a few eye openers which since you wrote this in April and revised it in May, you as novelist should be aware.
THE SUGGESTIONS
please read these over slowly as these are not run-of-the-mill from moi ...
Hypothesis No. 1.
Thinking maybe folks told you they could not uderstand this ... so between April 11 and May you revised it and it got choppy.
RULE NO. 1 --- FROM THE SUGGESTION LIST === From a www.Fiction4sale.highpowersite.com edit.
FOR ALL NOVELIST, OURSELVES, LEIGH ... DON'T COMPROMISE YOUR STYLE FOR A FEW.
RENDER THE BEST, KEEP THE STYLE.
Did you by any chance start out at a vantage point? A setting such a West Africa would merit a strong visual.
Did you wish to not be bogged down in the telling but always keep great sounding, excellent details flowing?
To be truthful, kid, methinks you have struck me dumbfounded when arriving at the sentence starting "J ... C ... re: the kid in the box."
Did you by any chance wish fall privy to choppy fuss in verbs, sentences?
Can you allow sentence such as Robert felt troubled, are too out of place?
The above .. my notes say: sounds like Moll is glum.
So .. there's a chance this is a great story ro read, even emulate at the best parts, of which there are many in Leighoire's 44.kb work.
Add the background of West Africa, two guys in a landrover, mention of history of Rhodesia, Nigeria and its a real live wire, definely a go. Finish is the final suggestion novelist to novelist.
The biggest mistake novelist make their first time out?
Don't return and revise what you liked in the chapter re-edits, your voice is your style.
Leave it and in all instance of insistance from this recipiant of Eleven Review Merit Badges for revs, hon ...
Stay the course, call me, visit the CLUB!
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Thanks for this one:
Definite Must READ! Only one page of handwriten notes at this desk.
Superficial really and easily fixed.
Oh, yeah -- Paragraph breaks === Stat! in the correction column.
Shorter bitems. Cut in half.
Tables are inactive. Lamborghinis purr but tables can't make efforts unless maybe floating up on the Titanic.
Psst: Can't wait to read Chapter TWO.
To all and sundry --- IRONIC CHANGES, IS MY GUESS, so we steer away from the those, toss those efforts ... move on.
Author may post -- Work in Progress.
The comparison to sky color an artist can't duplicate is .. fantastic.
Well,
Later ...
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When taking a few hours to mull over this reading, I guess I lost the notes .
Why?
BECAUSE, KIRA wanted me to enjoy good literature. And overall this is a reaction rev with a few points of advice for all novelists.
Sometimes a mistake is made when a finished chapters gets the special effect tie-ins after written, say in a third/fourth edit.
Avoid that trap, sure change what you like, but always perfect the style.
On style ...? individual, no doubt. |
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