*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile.php/reviews/teffom/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/18
Review Requests: OFF
2,711 Public Reviews Given
2,941 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 14 15 16 17 -18- 19 20 21 22 23 ... Next
426
426
Review by April Sunday
Rated: E | (4.0)

Sept 10 2007

The Thing about poetry is how versified the craft and genre surely measures in as so expressive. One encounters this here in OF WHAT A TINGLING TASTE IS TOUCH from WC poet, Firedude.

Love: "On sea of grass and hill of mirth" and "Time imbue."

Great blend of feeling throughout.
Thanks for posting.
Rhyme ON!

Cordially,

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Sig by Esprit

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1312574 by Not Available.
427
427
Review by April Sunday
Rated: E | (5.0)

Sept 10 2007

Don't, please don't tell me this is my pal & sister-author, Judity Buxton --- again with the taking over of Auto Rewards Page ONE!

{:blue} How prolific she is and each creation grand as usual.

Well, if you've just read Judy's latest post: HOSPITAL OF THE ANGELS no doubt you are like Miss Teff. Namely: stupefied with laughter.

Summary: a patient undergoes brain surgery then manages to come out alive with grace and fortitude while thoroughly experiencing a few quirky "side effects."

LOVE: Re: Mum "honestly ... trying to obey her ... caused a brain tumor." Perfect postition in hook paragraph! Sets the pace for comedy.

Fantastic quick ploys at Safeway & Dennys.

"Turtlehead" rocks!

Best, Sept ever, Ms Buxton .... oh my this is funn-neeee!

Your friend in fiction
April Sunday

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1316025 by Not Available.
428
428
Review of The Haunted House  
Review by April Sunday
Rated: E | (5.0)


April Sunday



"Still the house waited but nothing came ... " by ReptarRoar.

The above quote supplies a perfect setting detail in THE HAUNTED HOUSE by ReptarRoar on Read=A=Newbie Column located in ITEM JUMPS, posted today, Sept 9, 2007.

Dear author, we are but two days or less into the anniversary of the worst catastrophe in the USA a mere five years ago not caused by Mother Nature. Sorry, just a few thoughts.

Here are my notes:

Chrono Order:

Overall like par one

However, may choose to lighten by tossing its.

Sug: "beyond" the hills

Maybe toss : it sat on (local is evident)

can teeter or tippling fit this opening?

Use: time chipped (hey we know time is slow) Perhaps on a future edit, reconsider tossing had as in time had chippped ... do you see where I mean, RR?

Love: suffocating ... hold on misspell @
exuberance. Don't feel bad, Teffy lives with a dictionary at her elbow resting my weary head exuberantly dawn to dusk. Nah, kidding.

With: had been hung.

As reader/ author (etc) Recently refusing to continue reading several hardcover, c-2000 onward, best sellers using perfect tenses (I) often refer to:

HODGES' HARBRACE HANDBOOK:

"Sometimes the simple past can replace the past perfect."

Checking exuberantly -- want one L instinctively. Esprit, who sends me sigs ... should see how far this speller (me) learns writing after almost 1,600 rev sent ... since Oct 2004.

Short stories. Oh they take time. mmmm mmm

Holy Goodness. Looky here.

Ahah! From: WEBSTER'S NEW WORLD DICITONARY THIRD COLLEGE ED ...

"exergonic
exocarp
ex parte
extrinsically"

EXBURANTLY YOURS,

"MOFFETT FILES TAKE FIVE" 

Isn't writing fun? And reading .. ah so marvelous.

R -- dear author, Nice to meet you & a hardy welcome aboard the train that is >>>>>>>>>>WC

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

429
429
Review of Flowers  
Review by April Sunday
Rated: E | (5.0)

Sept 9, 2007

{:rose} Hello, Aleena,

Your poem: FLOWERS just went up on READ-A-Newbie page, located in Item Jumps. A hearty welcome to WC


FLOWERS is wonderful, looks, reads, sounds excellent.

A few minor edits:

beauty === misspell in intro

Might drop "a" infront of bambino

Nile (?)

Lily, right? Absolutley lovely poetry.

Cordially,

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1052690 by Not Available.
430
430
Review of Giving In  
Review by April Sunday
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)

Sept 9, 2007

Good morning *B*

After reading your item, FOR GIVING IN a poem placed on Sponsored Items the first glance at the title came with a tad of complexity.

By the end of the pen, do understand that you mean folding, surrendering or at a wild stretch accepting.

However, love the use of leaves falling which are just the greatest thing to watch from window or lawn chair or forest nook. Right?

Falling leaves compared with "scrambled words" enters the first stanza.

The font, although, hard to miss is just a little too large for Teff, but keep in mind no subtraction. Presentation on www.writing.com is certainly always up to the individual much like freedom of speech.

The best is yet to come. Teff (That's ME!)*** read with interest your bio. Now, must admit the advice you point out for authors or members there is taken to heart. Perhaps, I should join. I have time, some GP to toss around and am a fun seeker at heart. So a huge thanks for your generosity of thinking of others who visit at your place, B.

Oh, and congrats on your one year anniversary here on site.

Cordially,

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Sig by Esprit

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#938484 by Not Available.


for *** April Sunday (That's ME!)
is for guests and relatives primarily.

HATS OFF TO *B* !!!
431
431
Review of True Love's Heart  
Review by April Sunday
Rated: E | (3.0)

Sept 9, 2007

Good morning, Post Modern Sleaze,

Amusing pen name BTW.

Reading your poem: TRUE LOVE'S HEART on Sponsored Items affords a brief whimsical return to St. Valentine's Day, actually.

So do consider when Feb's fair season comes around and snow lays white ground swells as far as the eye can see ... that YOU, dear poet might consider placing this poem into any poetry contests seeking such romantic entries.

Meanwhile, sure we've Autumn and we're both here where leaves are soon turning, my friend.

Of: "When arrows fall from Cupid's grasp" is certainly an expressive line which sounds good.

However, perhaps a second look as in lieu of re-editing at:

"Let's not who love may have for him ..."
(Huh?)

Near conclusion: " ... will never true love see ...." Never?

Suggeston: simply re-examine incase you wrote the opposite of your intended word usage.

Best luck in all future writing endeavors, dear author as you shall probably with creative energy WRITE ON!

Cordially,

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

 TWIN GIRLS / POEMS about Gwin & May  (13+)
Itsby, bitsy spider went up the bedroom wall where two ladies sleep ...
#934432 by April Sunday
432
432
Review by April Sunday
Rated: E | (5.0)

Sept 7, 2007

Oh, Kristen, so glad to find this today. I, too, once enjoyed the beach partol for turtle nests.

And yes, in daylight hours the gulls simply swarm. And at night, one may ask --- don't these predators ever sleep?

Love: the first person narrator listening beside the Ocean with:

"Sound rises like the rush of an underground stream." Oh, boy!

You are right to bill this as educational/ nature/ enviroment genre.

Personally, only saw one once in the Ocean, from the end of an NC pier. That sea turtle was a black as pitch and as big as a kitchen chair.

Much thanks for including the sea turtles sad curse of mankind. Namely: the bright lights they swim toward to lay the eggs when instinct points them toward the moon.

Those lights are still being debated along the coast. Besides who can't use a flashlight or car headlights to steer ourselves safely home.

Wonderful read. Highly recommended with a superb intro.

Kristen, say, I know. You should really consider publishing this one.

COASTEL might be interested or The Gammy News.

Cordially, April Sunday

HATS OFF TO KIRSTEN FOR:
SWIMMING THROUGH A SANDY SEA.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1316025 by Not Available.
433
433
Review by April Sunday
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)

Thurs, 9/6/7

Memo: Author to Author:
Hi Howler, how you doing?

Found: DOLVO SECURITIES CH 2 on AR (Auto Rewards) and am simply flabbergasted by what plot/ genre you proceed to undertake.


My rev has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" 

 Dolvo Securities is undersiege from unknown terroristic assailants.

Revving, another descriptive, believable, realistic adventure/ thriller chapter from this author before was adequately recieved.

So glad to see that in Howler's portfolio this is indeed an ongoing prolific novel enfolding before all of W.C and our welcome guests.

Note, this month creativity rains supreme upon our souls.

Alas, dear author it is with a heavy heart that included in this five-star grade comes a few superficial re-edits.

Of course, when these fit and if you wish to correct same, that is a given thus entirely up to you. Sure every writer loves the edit point correctamundo side of any rev.

Howler, darlin

From shorthand notes, a picnic table in NC beneath torrential rain from my beach umbrella to yours also giving in chonological order reader reaction from April Sunday "TEFF'S MERIT BADGES" 



CHRONO ORDER:

Opening line: "What have we got?" Torrance yells. ==== Perfect automatically says present tense action.

walking thru fifth floor corriders .... my my a huge building ..... from Teff

others plural == chickens. Do you see where I mean? ... par. 1 typo

OF: DOLVO uniforms -- yes this provides visual, OCEANS 11 comes to mind ... even better ...

Using uniforms --- Shows very good attribute in details of plot as now bad guys blend with crowds.

Difficult as an author to attempt crowds of this proportion ... So HOWLER'S a daring author.

Of: use of IED === realistic in popular newspapers and blogs, puts readers feet on the ground.

Of: "IED" is action, right away in second paragraph thus continues the novel from Chapter ONE! Achievement no snag --- ten plus star, allright?

had formulated (?) When Howler uses "within seconds" Suggest fomulates

lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
SIDEBAR: HARCOURT REF: -- an author, any author may use past tense for past perfect.
Plus here's an observation about when we actually draft a chapter for the first time. Tendancy to use past tense as the paragraph that gee whiz a minute ago(?) got written is no argument for "within seconds." Or one may insult the reader for not knowing it happened merely a few seconds ago ... which is silly. lllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

Reverse sentence to: Shouting into her headset ...

Mary's quote -- you say ... "Mary said in Spanish ..."

Stop!

Teff observation on writing well. Here, even if one calls a Spanish teacher, don't be a snob. Or later ask someone to write this quote for you in de Espanol. This adds authenticity while pleasing mucho readers, amigo.

had been === was === prior to 9-11

Of: SEPT IIth === Use it if any tie-in comes your way ... court publishers the entire time you write, dear, dear, Howler.

Howler, novelist to novelist ... when you seek a novelist's break .. try or retry Lawrence Sanders of TENTH COMMANDEMENT fame. Yes, Sanders, a Brooklyn, marine tackled a similar plot to DOLVO SECURITIES in his first novel: "THE ANDERSON TAPES" tapes (1970). Of course all gifted revvers reading PRP already are aware, no doubt (hee hee)

THE ANDERSON TAPES plot follows the robbery of a luxury apartment building. Also a grand master of sentence frags is Lawrence Sanders. Makes me want to go to the library myself and rent one of over thrity novels by this famous author.

So, if publication is your bag .. have the world of fun with this one, dear novelist.
Stay the course.

Cordially:

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

"Invalid Item" 

{cc:blue} On spot rev, gotta run, shrimp boat's landed. Wink!
434
434
Review by April Sunday
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" 
April Sunday
Following: a reaction to what is read type/ rev and comments on same.

Dear Ennazus,

Might I share something with you? I felt this way before too, also reared Catholic by the ear led to 6:30 Mass on Sunday, despite cold winters. Marrying a non-sectarian RC changed all that, and despite this confession, I stayed warmly abed for many years on Sunday mornings.

You are right to search and right to "live by the Golden Rule." Maybe we all do in a sense even with standards of a by-gone era breaking down around us ala civil rights, congressional twists, unjust wars, finanacially broke cities, etc. (Teff's observations -- not the author's above.)

What you offer here, dear, dear author in AM I GOING UP, DOWN OR NOWHERE? is perhaps a turning point on your writing talents.

Not a thing wrong with that. Creativity is the in-thing as noted on
 MOFFETT FILES TAKE FIVE  (18+)
LIFE TOPICS WELCOME/ posts/writing tips/ a record/crt2005
#924861 by April Sunday


This {freedom of what to write, how to write, creativity ... we have; this none can take or rob from us. The source of ourselves as far as authorship goes.

As far as the great chef goes, he also has talents. As far as the children, we see and laud their talents. For you to end this piece, E with those kids in mind ... shows how well you indeed live by the golden rules.

Thanks, in times of stress, when those all around will not recognize achievements rendered for maybe idiotic reasons of their own, one needs a major boost like this essay. One goes to work and is put down. One passes a tractor-trailer at 80 mph and the driver honks. Naturally, we encounter non-aprooval everywhere, dear audience and to Ennazus, our current author being reviewed. But how can there be the easy as pie, do or scatter, non-approval here?

Not in this article where sharing beliefs and daily life is the name of the game.

Best luck in all future writing endeavors, dear Ennazus.

Cordially,

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
435
435
Review of August 26, 1883  
Review by April Sunday
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

Sept 3 2007
Hello Judity

Reading with interest you short story, a contest enty, I believe, AUGUST 26, 1883
it seems amazing to me how much information you cast about in this story.

And the information, rendered in Buxton style is itself amazing.

The story of a volcano erupting and a young lady who bears witness all amount to a huge WOW!

ATTENTION === Good write, good read! So for the audience who are JA Buxton fans --- here's another one from our gal, Judity.

Cordially: TEFF

PS --- Got a ribbon for this one, but haven't seen the winners list yet.
Hey Miss Buxton, do you happen to know where it might be? And as I said about a month ago, so glad to see you entering contests on-site. Good Luck.

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1293073 by Not Available.
436
436
Review by April Sunday
Rated: ASR | (3.5)


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Rev by: April Sunday

Rev for: THE DARKER SIDE OF THE COIN by Skye Potter

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" 

Hello Skye:

Reading your personal/ experience genre essay there comes to mind a tough reason for sadness which you portray in this piece.

Due to failing health concerns which the author includes in this first person narration then takes on a blow-by-blow chronological time table of events.

Of the lost job, the decrease in funds, the medical concerns and finally the children moving to the ex for bettr care all tumultuously leave the reader (myself) aghast.

Yet, the writer of the piece refuses to "whine." Courage is the name of the game after all. Bravo there, Potter.

A few simple corrections:

atleast --- at least

Of { or [ you probably want parenthesis. ( )

Also in the paragraph where these are used, you might want to just break into separate subjects.

Of the good "friend" love your line here. Namely: " ... decide to take a dive. Hope he'll catch me."

Ah, aren't we all after all just the romantically inclined. GOOD LUCK with the novel, also.

Cordially, TEFF

Here's something to cheer you, Skye.

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1312574 by Not Available.
437
437
Review of Trust Me  
Review by April Sunday
Rated: E | (4.0)
Aug 24, 2007

Isn't it funny sometimes when we get something up after the item is created, edited etc how we wait for reviews. Silly, us.

Like: your open prayer type dialogue, dear author.

In the poem TRUST ME Melizebeth crafts words in spiritual genre which maybe are adaptable in daily life.

Thanks, dear poet.

Cordially, April Sunday

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

"Invalid Item" 
438
438
Review by April Sunday
Rated: E | (4.0)

Aug 24, 2007

Dear Melizebeth ------ What a neat job you do with this memory work. You pen an intro so readers are in from the first.

Lovely lines, well crafted and since the piano is the subject --- WHISPERS OF YESTERDAY'S SONG also appropriately provides a final "good-bye."

Cordially, TEFF

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1309806 by Not Available.
439
439
Review of Three wishes  
Review by April Sunday
Rated: E | (4.0)

Aug 24, 2007

Sometimes coming across a poem like, THREE WISHES from the port of www.writing.com's Jamdownjenny is exactly what the doctor ordered.

Like how you start out --- "If I had three wishes ..."

Like how you continue ... in another stanza === "If I ever had the power ...

Click this one, ladies, gents, kids, monitors, revvers --- because this poet has something to say.

Cordially,

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Sig from Esprit

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1309806 by Not Available.
440
440
Review of Dovolo Securities  
Review by April Sunday
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)

Aug 24, 2007

 {c;blue}Hello there, Howler.

Reading your enjoyable story DOVOLO SECURITIES can only say how impressive the story of a working mother and business owner really does come off very well.

The part with the two kids in tow, only adds to the realism of daily life.

Perhaps-- A == To be continued at the end.
or Work in Progress (unsure)

A few minor corrections (no subtractions in rate)

capital C -- Chad
holes -- hole (maybe)
Loor as sitting --- typo
they she be carried (that)

Nice work, intersting details of the modern world outside the window. Very good!

Strong conlusion evident.

Cordially, TEFF

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1309806 by Not Available.
441
441
Review by April Sunday
Rated: E | (5.0)


Aug 23, 2007

Typical is it not to carry the feel of the big city straight to the park bench?

 Writing.com author,
L Edward Carrol does so expertly with the knowledge of an adept writer on the scene.

When the "old man" does not look up or say thanks, we aren't really surprised are we? No, this is part of society. Namely: to see one in instant need and shell out a few bucks accordingly.

Thanks for this flash/ essay, Mr Carrol.

Which only goes to show, YES as authors we glean much from physical observation for setting and theme.

Think I'll take a morning walk and compliment some flower gardens along the way.

Rating Five Star purely on content.
(Plus found no errors in the least.) Content being the creativity authors draw upon each time they write, or they may, at least. Highly recommend creativity nor on-the-scene stories be overlooked for quality content of same.

Cordially,

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

See: SPEAKING OUT FOR AUTHORS:

 MOFFETT FILES TAKE FIVE  (18+)
LIFE TOPICS WELCOME/ posts/writing tips/ a record/crt2005
#924861 by April Sunday
442
442
Review of Guilty  
Review by April Sunday
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

Aug 23, 2007

Author, Samile brings back the first person narrator and Chief in GUILTY.

Searching for Chief to address this speaker by name but do not find.

Apparently, radio duty is the name of the game today in GUILTY for the character ___________. While Chief gives advise on moreorless not wanting to rush into war.

War, here an unknown geographical detail for readers. Yet, carrying on all the same with a decent write. Perhaps a compostition where genre is adhered to.

Cordially, TEFF

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#936894 by Not Available.
443
443
Review by April Sunday
Rated: ASR | (5.0)

Aug 23, 2007

Stirring scrambled eggs, up the house ... find a title which really grabs ... A good title is exactly what pulls in readers.

 SAVED BY ONE OF MY STUDENTS from the pen of Ennazus is a great comedy piece.

Here, a fellow, first person narration, rides a motorcycle up a dirt driveway, confronted by a snake.

Humur ensues --- and since Miss Teffy loves to laugh --- a brief prelude to the clincher.

Finding a willing axe in the shed, is a lot like the detective who is stunned to discover he has a set of lock picks in his pocket. This part went very smoothly, Ennnazus.

Surely, destroying a snake on a country road via "axe" is not uncommon.

The author writes: "Poor snake didn't have a chance. There it lay. All six pieces of it."

Content -- very creative and terribly tickling.

Needs --- paragraph adjustment

Fun read. Job well done.

Raising to Five Star since I love this one so.

Cordially,
April Sunday

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1276780 by Not Available.
444
444
Review by April Sunday
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

Aug 22, 2007

"With A PROMISE IN THE COLD, writing.com author/ Samile pens a tale of a conversation on guard patrol in an unidentified desert location. This is believable, and pertient in a war torn horizon. In fact the writing itself and dialogue are riveting. Good JOB!"
April Sunday
"Invalid Item" 

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
445
445
Review of The Wall  
Review by April Sunday
Rated: E | (4.0)

Aug 22, 2007

"Looking for the perfect poem to share with a friend? Here's one where friendship looks beyond the present and into the heart of a cast of comrades. THE WALL is in the portfolio of upcoming, writing.com poet, TK. Nice work, dear author. Keep them coming and readers will keep reading." April Sunday
"Invalid Item" 

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1293073 by Not Available.
446
446
Review by April Sunday
Rated: E | (3.0)


"COLORING THE WORLD is a wwww.writing.com contest calling for flash fiction of 500 words limitations. Or poetry. Sponsors, donations, prizes, just a click away. Current prompt: "A world without rainbows." Suppose the brilliance of happy-go-lucky qualms may interpret this as sad. Or entries may argue the state of the environment. However, this revver saw a few yesterday and these are splendidly picturesque." 8/21'7
April Sunday
447
447
Review by April Sunday
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)

Aug 21, 2007

Ennazus, dearie,

Now this clocks in as one major pet peeve. My pet peeve since you're asking /// ______ --- delete. Well, sorry, dear author, but since we don't have a dictionary's worth of space here, best skip the answers for now. However, Ennanzus, your prose is kinda comical.

Cordially,

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#936894 by Not Available.
448
448
Review by April Sunday
Rated: E | (3.0)

Aug 21, 2007

"TK offers the poem, WAITING FOR LOST LOVE on Auto-Rewards. Stanzas outline the sequeal. Also offer that certain poetical calling at: "So come now my heart to me." If only it was this romantically easy, smile."
April Sunday
"Invalid Item" 

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
449
449
Review by April Sunday
Rated: E | (3.0)



Hello and welcome to www.wrting.com.

Your fine poem, LETTER TO HUMANITY in free style verse is presented well, reads fine and carries a message, does it notz/

Hope we see more from your port.

Be sure to check out the many poetry contests on W.C's Contest Page.

Cordially,

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#938484 by Not Available.
450
450
Review of Of Wolves and Men  
Review by April Sunday
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)

Aug 21, 2007

Short story without "to be continued ... "
Or chapter ... can't find this information. However, very pleased encountering OF WOLVES AND MEN from Papa G.

OF WOLVES AND MEN is certainly novel/ novella material.

 REV by April Sunday

OVERALL: To clinch reader brevity do two things, Papa.

1.Suggest much tossing of superficial throughout.
2. Including past perfet tense.*

* From: HODGES' HARBRACE HANDBOOK, Thirteenth Ed. "Sometimes the simple past tense can replace the past perfect."

Chronological order:

Highlights of the second par may reform for a first par hook re: Vincenzio's romantic life.

Starting with a first par like this, while an eye opener for the author's thoughts to hit the paper, creating a startling scene .. may be abrupt for some readers.

Suggest first par contents blend farther down.

Like "Robber Baron" details. If you give an exact date, such as June 19, 1892 --- at the start and give Mayburry a state you may sound a tad more believable for the old west flair you are trying to capture without geographic details. Yes, it's fiction but still setting can't always be flub-dubbed off like wasted skinflakes. Still, all suggestions are only if as author, you feel you can use them at your own discretion, G.

Keep -- wealthy ladies elegant garments --- While "sirens" pertains to all the ladies?

Stradivarious in a story is a four star in my book, kid.

Cut sentence length: E.g.(only) ... his violin, replaced by the piano, an instrument closest to his soul.

You want the action not heavy background, perhaps.

sheats == sheets

At: "large wooden door" ... eclipses with "tendrils of light, a beacon for his footsteps"... light from the "blinds." Not likely a saloon bed-sit, an hotel room has blinds. Victorian NY? -- still lace curtains. Want light --- may depend on moonlight.

LOVE: "Until the final Amen."

TEFF is totally unprepared .. should have known at the teeth, plus Wolves & Men in title.

Twist in the tale --- flows fine.

The entire "anxiety" par begs for a second glance, a possible re-edit. See, maybe not nec at all. Guy's attacked, gangs are in place.

Great ploy as poker players sing like canaries in frontier fiction fashion.

Love: Papa G's "Beer, fourth seat at the table." Which is a 3-top (three guests.)

Of: " ... he had hid his mind in" try -- mental escape.

When the slasher is marauding --- moving quick yes. Different syn. required.

Here's some news, dear author:

Check this one out which seeks Twist-in-the-tale.

FORUM
Twisted Tales Contest  (13+)
A monthly contest for stories with a twist. Get 500 GPs for entering! May round open!
#1269187 by Arakun the Twisted Raccoon


Of: " ... news, boy." Perhaps note quote source from the priest or Vincenzio looks like he's the news boy. Slight adjustment helpful.

GREAT PLOT!!! Stays in the mind and emphatically delivers a punch.

Cordially,

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

"Invalid Item" 

Arrivederci!
977 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 40 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile.php/reviews/teffom/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/18