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| The story of my walk with the Lord began with Him saving my earthly life seconds after it had begun. The God I know and love today, wasn’t going to let His will for my life get interrupted. I was very ill when I was born and spent weeks in and out of the hospital before I finally came home to be permanently reunited with my older brother Ken and my twin sister, Cynthia. While I don’t remember ever going to church as a young child, I’m sure I did, as we were raised Catholic, and I know I was baptized and received the sacraments of First Communion and Confirmation as well as a Catholic school primary education. But I never saw anyone read the Bible prominently displayed on the coffee table in our living room. Because of my Catholic school experience, I knew God existed but was never taught that I could have a personal relationship with Jesus. All I learned about Him was that He loved me. I also learned about the saints and the Catholic holidays and that if I was bad, I would go to hell. I was always petrified that if I did something bad during the day and I died at night, I would go straight to hell. And so, when I was sexually assaulted in my childhood, I decided that it was my fault. There was no getting away from that. Crying wasn't going to help. Going to confession wasn't going to help. I was going to hell, period. This incident brought me further away from God because it was never dealt with when I was a child and affected my relationship with the Lord for many, many years. It was as though I couldn't face Him. I didn't yet know about God's love and mercy. I just knew there was a God and He was watching me. I was enrolled in public school until the fourth grade when my parents enrolled me in St. Stephen’s school. It was a very small school and there was a sense of belonging there. I remember that my mother was active in the church. She was in the Mother's Guild and made sure that we went to church and received the sacraments. High school was difficult for me. I was shy and kept to myself much of the time. Around that time, my sister, Karen, was born and I was feeling pushed into the background. This was the start of my rebellious years as I pushed God into the background as well. As I sit here trying to explain the beginning of my faith journey, I realize that I can’t write about something that wasn’t there to begin with. During those early years, we were never encouraged to have a relationship with God or His Son, Jesus. There was God...and there was us. And that’s all there was. Someone in heaven was overseeing my behavior and if He was pleased with me, I could go to heaven. As I look back at all the pain and turmoil of those early years, I realize that the process of forgiveness had to begin with me. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5 ### |
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