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A blog tracking my journey as a writer. |
| Week 59 / Prompt 4 - What makes you feel guilty? A friend of mine has recently been inviting me to a lot of events. She and I are still fairly new friends (less than a year that we've gotten close), and so we're definitely still judging what each other enjoys doing. Lately, I've felt pretty guilty that I've had to turn her down to most of the events she is inviting me to. You see, I'm mostly an introvert. But really truly, I have a form of Agorophobia. Per Wikipedia, Agorophobia is an anxiety disorder. Agoraphobia is a condition where the sufferer becomes anxious in environments that are unfamiliar or where he or she perceives that they have little control. Triggers for this anxiety may include wide open spaces, crowds (social anxiety), or traveling (even short distances). While I love open spaces and those have never bothered me, crowds frighten me. So does public transportation, but the crowds one is the big one. I get really really anxious around big crowds. I feel super uncomfortable, and sometimes frightened. I never want to remain somewhere that is full of crowds for very long. I also despise places that are fraught with questionable persons, like subways, bus stops, and the like. Basically, I'm afraid of people I don't know and situations I don't know the people in. So when this friend keeps inviting me to events, like concerts, or festivals, I have to take into consideration my fear, check it against the value of the event, and determine if it is worth facing that fear to go. Collin took me to an event that sounded like a lot of fun - Feast with the Beasts. Local restaurants set up tents within the Zoo and you could gather plate after plate of free food and then spy on the animals (that were mostly all sleeping, so it wasn't really all that great). There were so many people that I got pretty uncomfortable really quick, enough to make me a little ill too. She invited me to a similar event, but inside a closed location, and I had to immediately turn her down. I apologized to her because I felt bad turning her down time and time again, but explained to her about my agorophobia. I've not been diagnosed, or anything, but it is pretty obvious for me. She's totally understanding, and I'm super thankful for that, but it still makes me feel guilty. I wish I was more willing to go out and do things that lots of other people enjoy doing - but.. I just can't take the crowds. |
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