The Whatever Files

Mr. Bonkers and Captain Jamie Lee Turk

PART ONE

Stanley Owlsworthy was a junior solicitor, working for the partnership of 'Windebagge, Costmore and Waffle. A junior solicitor gets all the very 'best' jobs, and at present Stanley was with a very important client, and, in Stanley's humble opinion, one so eccentric as to have surpassed all previous known benchmarks for the odd.

Mr. William, (Billy), Bonkers, owned and ran a chocolate factory. Stanley had been summoned in order to discuss 'a plan'. Currently they were seated in Mr. Bonkers' office, which enjoyed panoramic views of a massive indoor cocoa plantation, a sweeping river of what Mr Bonkers had assured Stanley was chocolate, and various 'Factory Villages', where small orange creatures with bright green hair toiled away busily.

"So if I have this correct Mr Bonkers, you want to run some sort of raffle, to select children, to come and visit the factory, so that you can select one of them as your heir?"

Mr Bonkers steepled his fingers in front of him and considered this briefly.

"Yes, substantially that is about it." He confirmed.

"Mr. Bonkers, could I respectfully remind you that at present we have members of the Local Council's Food Hygiene Department; representatives of the Health and Safety Executive; and even more worryingly, senior representatives of the UK Immigration Enforcement Department all urgently calling to be allowed access to your factory."

"Yes?"

"Well it just seems, ahem, a little risky perhaps to let in a group of children, whilst all that is going on?"

"Oh nonsense. Now, I have had tickets printed and distributed amongst my confectioneries, and there's a big advertising campaign starting later today, television, podcasts, YouTube ads, the works. I've even managed to bribe, I mean." He looked the minutest bit embarrassed, "Paid, some serious Influencers to publicize the whole thing. Only one I couldn't get was the Ad-Man, but there you go, can't have everything."

"So, Mr. Bonkers, you are going ahead with it."

"Yes?"

"Only, I thought that we'd been asked here to advise you."

"What? Who on earth told you that? No, no. What I want you lot to do is to organise the claims, make sure none are fraudulent that sort of thing."

"Oh!" Exclaimed Stanley, in a small voice.

"Tell you what lad, whilst you're here, come and have a look at my new spa."

"Spa, Mr. Bonkers?" Said Stanly, trailing helplessly after the man.

"It's where we make our bubble filled chocolates. Light as a feather they are, and truly delicious."

FORUM

The Whatever Contest -- Closed for Now  (13+) This irregular contest will change each round. Nature poem? Horror story? Whatever. #2232242 by Schnujo is Late to Lannister

PART TWO

The journey to the 'Spa', took a couple of hours, and Stanley was glad that they charged by the minute. At last they were standing on a river bank, surrounded by some of Mr. Bonkers, possibly illegal, that hasn't actually been established, workforce, the Chunka-Lumpers.

"Well there we are." Mr. Bonkers waved his hand expansively over the bubbling pool of chocolate that was fed by the river.

At that moment both men were startled by a shimmering, and a strange 60's synth sound. A man appeared, dressed in a yellow jersey, that bore a stylised motif of a spacecraft. He was accompanied by two other men wearing red jerseys. Inexplicably after they had been addressed twice by name, both these fellows lay dead on the bank.

"I'm Captain Jamie Lee Turk, of the Barship Waggon and Horses." The yellow jerseyed chappy introduced himself.

"Are there any hot chicks here?" He asked, looking around at the Chunka-Lumpers.

One of them hesitantly raised an arm.

"I work in the furnace room." He said.

Captain Lee Turk looked the small orange figure up and down, then shrugged.

"Meh. Close enough." He decided.

With a shimmer, the Captain and the furnace worker vanished.

Mr. Bonkers and Stanley looked at one another.

"Have you thought about the possibility of giving away Merit Badges with your chocolates?" Asked Stanley.

"No-o, but it's an intriguing suggestion." Said Mr. Bonkers.

FORUM

The Whatever Contest -- Closed for Now  (13+) This irregular contest will change each round. Nature poem? Horror story? Whatever. #2232242 by Schnujo is Late to Lannister