Toadette's Story

Chapter 42 - Removing a Foot Fungus

“Hahaha! Didn’t think you were handing out footjobs, Toadette.”

Minh T. was in stitches from my recounting of this morning’s events. Meanwhile, I was trapped in the shower, washing my feet with hot rags and an ENTIRE bottle of body wash.

“I thought he’d have me suck him off before jerking him off with my toes!”

“Mushroom City. Part of its charm, you’ll never know what you’ll run into next.”

“Story of my life. How bad was your day? From what I see, you look like you came from gardening.”

Whereas I finished before noon, Minh T. had only arrived a few minutes ago. And it was late enough that the Sun had descended past the horizon. Unlike me, she wasn’t sweaty in the slightest. The only thing covering her body was dirt. Through the blurry glass, it was obvious that she was brown from head to toe.

“Stopping a sewage leak isn’t as fun as I thought,” she said.

“NO!” I flung myself against the ceramic wall. “Don’t you dare get in that tub! I’ll be out the shower soon.”

“Joking. I helped them start setting up for the festival. The field area.”

Ha. Ha.

“Don’t forget we won’t be here too much longer.”

“Thanks for the added stress, Minh T.” I rubbed my soapy feet on the glass door. “You’re really helping me in my time of need.”

“I’ll be with you. You won’t be the only one nervous.”

I chuckled. “What’d you be nervous for? My mom will just remember you as that weird girl I hung out with. I’m the only one who’ll be in trouble, even past age 18.”

“Wanna go tomorrow?”

“I’m busy. Come to think of it, I’ll be busy all week.” If she still lived in that apartment and I visited on the weekend, I’d have little time to accomplish anything meaningful. “We’ll aim for Thursday and no later.”

— TUESDAY: 7 days before the festival —

“WAKE UP! Do not make me bang on your doors!”

“Little girl, we heard you!” I screamed back.

At the tune of Penelope’s screechy alarm, we readied ourselves for another busy day. This time, Minh T. and I kept in sync. We descended to the lobby in a record of ten minutes, standing before Her Highness. The royal, believe it or not, had someone else polishing her pink heels. Perfect. Better them than me.

“About time. I need you two to listen closely,” she said, whipping her hair back.

“Yes, Your Highness.”

The princess checked that no guests were eavesdropping on us and summoned us to get closer. We flanked her on each side. Meanwhile, the shoe cleaner was none the wiser to our conversation.

“Do you two know of the Scapelli family?”

“We ran into—”

“We’ve heard of them, Your Highness.” I cut Minh T. off before she gave up too much info. Even if we knew one member, implying that we knew them could lead to more questions from the princess. Basic survival instinct: don’t give your life story to someone you can’t trust.

Her Highness nodded. “They’d mentioned five years ago in the news that they were planning something big. We have reason to suspect they’re setting sights on the upcoming Star Festival.”

“Why this one and not the previous ones?” I immediately asked.

SLAP!

“Toadette, what did we discuss about asking unimportant questions?”

“I shall stay in my lane, Your Highness.”

She cleared her throat. “The Scapellis are using a makeshift computer office as a base for their deliveries downtown. Although, to cover their tracks, we know they hire non-blood-related staff, such as this girl here.”

She handed us a small photo of a teenage-looking girl. A light-skinned, blue-eyed human with two orange ponytails springing off her head.

“Delivering to them isn’t so simple,” the woman continued, “yet I’m told she’s the type who can be bribed. When you go to the address on the back of that, give her this.”

Now she gave us a small white case with a smooth, ceramic texture.

“They’ll believe it has several Coins in it, but each of those Coins has a microphone. Just like that, we’ll record their every move. Understood?”

“Understood, Your Highness,” we said simultaneously.

“Now don’t forget about Penelope. Humans don’t always play nicely with my poor, squishy mushrooms, even in Mushroom City.”

“I’m ready!” Like magic, the girl spawned behind us. Her cheery attitude strongly contrasted with my face of concern.

Once cast onto MC’s streets, I spiralled into a tired, giving Minh T. a lengthy list of complaints with our task. Why were we doing something so shady? This wasn’t like dealing with the Shy Guys. In that situation, not only were my orders from a different monarch, but it was a basic thief mystery. Today, Her Highness was sending us, two weaker Toads and a ten-year-old child, to infiltrate a crime family.

“And this doesn’t raise a single concern?” I asked Minh T.

She shook her head. “Her Highness is protecting the Star Festival. That’s what a good leader does.”

“Tackling a threat like this is something more up your butt buddy’s alley.”

“I prefer the term ‘FWB’. Besides, look at how much you’ve done for the princess since your hiring. I think she wants you doing this ‘cause she trusts you more than anyone else. I’d be honoured.”

Whether Her Highness trusted me or not, she was still sending us into the dragon’s lair. What about that couldn’t Minh T. understand? Her Highness was lucky this address wasn’t taking us back to that arcade. However, that unrelated girl better be the only one in this new location.

But if violence became an option, I’d be prepared this time.

Not five minutes passed before I was already cranky. Why? Look up. Just like yesterday, the Sun shined a big spotlight on my cap. But unlike yesterday, at least I was equipped with shorts this time. Nice and comfy, and my legs wouldn’t sweat like crazy. Additionally, my feet would come out on top, thanks to these older pink flip-flops. I felt they were more suited to my casual clothing than the bulkier slides, and shall combat arise, they contained the stronger sample of my odour.

Minh T. and Penelope also felt the effects of the heat. In fact, since we all wore flip-flops, we generated a mass of sticky noises. Our shoes’ material clung to our feet, then snapped off whenever we leaned forward enough.

SNAP! SNAP! SNAP!

Now picture hearing that for ten blocks. Minh T. told us the place was within walking distance. 20 or 30 minutes, nothing too extreme for a Toad Town native.

Trailing behind her still gave me a nice view of her soles. Mmm… Every split second the flip-flops didn’t block them was an absolute treat. Even if they got slowly dirty the further we went, a goofy smile appeared on my face.

Covering my mouth, I asked her, “When are you ever gonna wear those flats?”

“On the day of the festival, duh.” She spun backwards. “I’m not gonna risk ruining them early.”

“Alright. The flip-flops look good enough on your feet anyway.”

“Hehe. What’s gotten into you with all these compliments lately?” She put a finger on her lip. “Where was this energy years ago when I needed it?”

“If you told me years ago, maybe we could’ve fast-forwarded my acceptance of your strange yet interesting foot love.”

Penelope butted in. “Ooh, you like feet now, Miss Toadette?”

“I just said they don’t bother me. That doesn’t equate to love, Penelope.”

And then she did it. IT. That smug know-it-all face, as if she caught my bluff. I knew better than to take a ten-year-old seriously, but the fear of Minh T. thinking I was lying was greater. In a haste, I blurted out another denial—one that left even me scratching my head.

“I’d maybe suck someone’s toes but only to make them happy. Nothing else.”

They squinted for a few seconds, snickering while my face lit up in embarrassment. What were you thinking, Toadette? You could’ve just said you’d gotten used to feet, or something less awkward. But no, you had to jump straight to toe sucking with the leaping power of Super Mario. All because Minh T.’s and Penelope’s toes were wiggling before you.

“Sure, Miss Toadette. I believe you.” Penelope whipped her hair, her laughter getting louder.

“It stills means a lot to me.” The brown-haired Toad grabbed my shoulder. “Just a month ago, I kept thinking you were gonna snap knowing about my thing. I’m blessed I don’t have to hide myself around you of all people, Toadette.”

“You’re welcome.” I couldn’t even say that looking at her face. Instead, I watched her feet turn as she continued walking.

Tons of similar-looking structures later, Minh T. halted us. Her flip-flops squeaked louder than the cars grinding to a halt in the traffic.

“Looks like we’re here.”

A generic steel structure, this building wasn’t distinguishable from the rest of this crowded street. Although, that made it a good cover for any illegal business. The police would easily glaze over it due to its position between a clothing department and toy shop, areas that attracted more innocent eyes.

The sign read “WW SHIPPING & RECEIVING” in a red, chipping font.

“Don’t attract more attention than necessary,” I said to the girls.

Ding! Ding!

Ew. This room’s bad smell immediately hit me in the face. Bad BO mixed with a bottle of depression. Yet there weren’t many people in the room, so the stench’s origins were shrouded in mystery. The only person sitting at any kind of computer desk was this human girl.

Hmm… Definitely the one in the photo.

“Hello,” I said, placing the case on her wobbling desk. “You know who to take this to.”

The visibly bored teen kept focus on her monitor. “From who?”

“From…” We were in a pickle. If this was spy equipment, I couldn’t tell her it was sent by Princess Peach. “We don’t have a name. We were just asked to send it here.”

“Can’t do nothing about that. We don’t accept anything without all the info.”

I looked at Minh T. In response, all she did was shrug. Of course, the child didn’t have any solutions on hand. Perhaps we could create a name on the spot. No, that’d be stupid. Obviously, a crime family would have ways of counteracting that, likely with a series of extra questions.

“This is urgent.” I now leaned on the desk. “Don’t make me say it again.”

The girl’s typing slowed. “Are you threatening me?”

“Toadette—”

“I know what I’m doing.” I grabbed the girl’s wrist. “We’re getting this case to the Scapellis one way or another.”

“We don’t need to escalate this. Calm down.”

I groaned. “Here we go again, Minh T. You telling me to not act on something, even though what I’m doing has some…”

What was that smoky smell?

SSSZZZZ…

I took one look at my hand.

“AY!” It was burning! It was as orange as this girl’s hair, and even after pulling back, the sizzling didn’t go away. “The hell was that!? That wasn’t from a Fire Flower!”

The evil girl smirked. “My tennis academy helped me pick up a few magic tricks. So where were we? I think your friend was telling you how dumb your plan was.”

“You listen, you little—”

Penelope pushed her way in front of me. “Ma’am, you look super stressed. If there’s anything we can do, and I mean ANYTHING, we’ll do it. We just really need this package shipped off, pretty please.” The girl batted her eyes repeatedly, almost trying to hypnotise the worker.

If the threat of an attack didn’t convince her, how would words work?

Minh T. pinched my shoulder. “Next time, don’t pull a Captain Toad.”

More typing, accompanied by the sound of a sputtering fan. It took several seconds before the teen looked in our direction again, and when she did, she went right back to the computer. See? She couldn’t give less of a damn.

“Hey!” I slammed on the desk. “We’re still here, ginger!”

“Ace.” Her finger lit a flame over my hand, getting me to retreat again. “Lemme ask, mushrooms. How well can Toads remove a fungus from something naturally?”

Minh T. laughed. “If it’s light enough, it’s a piece of cake.”

“But it’s a professional service, first and foremost. People don’t do it for free,” I added.

Ace leaned back in her chair, yawning. “Well, I’ve had this fungus growing on my feet for two years now. Just a part of why I can’t get back to playing tennis. It’s causing this toe jam stuff that’s stopping my toes from resting right. And so…”

THUD! THUD!

“If the rude mushroom can get my feet back to normal, I’ll handle the delivery details. I mean, now you wouldn’t be doing it for free.”

At my side, Minh T.’s jaw obliterated the floor. Her eyes twinkled like diamonds as she scanned this human’s feet up and down.

Her soles had patches of black stains. And the higher you got, the worse the sight became. A thicket of sticky toe jam darkened all ten of her toes. It was so dense that when she scrunched, the substance squirted in the air like paint out a tube, creating a thin spiral trail. These were, without a doubt, the sickest feet I’d ever laid eyes upon. The homeless kept their feet in better condition.

“You think this is funny?” I asked Penelope, who was giggling. Remember, this was HER idea.

“What’s NOT to laugh about? This is perfect, Miss Toadette.”

Ace clapped her feet together. “Doctors said it’s cost a million Coins just to get rid of this stupid fungus at this point.”

Damn you, Peach. Thanks to your vague instructions, I stood at a horrifying ultimatum. Either suck out a girl’s foot gunk or refuse to get this package sent—a package that could save the lives of tens of thousands from some terror attack.

You’re lucky I value my job and people’s lives enough to nod my head to Ace’s terms.

“Can I help!?” Minh T. pulled up a chair and started to rub her face against Ace’s foot, sniffing profoundly. “Oh my gosh, I can’t even— MMM! I just need to know what these taste like!”

“Foot fetish?” Ace asked, delivering a swift kick to Minh T.’s excitement. “Sure. Make yourself at home. Not the first freak I’ve entertained.”

And the Toad’s smile returned. She fondled the foot with admiration.

Gulping, I took up the additional barebones chair. Its rigid nature propped me straight, and I could hear the sounds of jam being produced from whatever condition she had. It was like the fizzling of a soda. Utterly vile.

“How do you even live with this stuff? Does it not stink!?”

“You get used to it,” Ace chuckled, typing on the computer. “Even back at the academy, my partner and I always had some of the worst feet. He found mine sweet, and… I kinda liked his.”

“Gross.”

“Don’t be a stick in the mud, Miss Toadette.” Penelope pointed to Minh T. “She’s got the hang of it.”

Nom, nom, nom…

…I’m sorry. I didn’t know we were at a five-star restaurant. Minh T. sounded like a beast as she licked Ace’s right sole. Her tongue instantly darkened, although this wasn’t a deterrent in the slightest. She took five licks, starting from the bottom of Ace’s heel to just beneath her toes. And after three licks, Minh T. smacked her lips. If her comically wide smile didn’t indicate that she was in bliss, then her powerful moan sent that message clearly.

“Never tasted a human foot fungus before. I think your feet have competition, Toadette.” She carefully slurped Ace’s skinny heel before licking the ball of her foot in a circular motion. While spots of blackness lingered, some were lighter than others. Maybe we could rid this girl of her fungus quickly if we powered through it.

But it’d take all the willpower in the galaxy.

Time to rip the bandage off. I stuck out my tongue, aiming for the bottommost part of the left foot. The toes could wait, OH, they could wait.

“Good girl, Miss Toadette. I think Miss Ace’s gonna be real happy once she sees your tongue after this.”

Shut up, little girl!

The bitch’s foot smelt like absolute trash. Wait a minute. That’s an insult to trash. They smelt like they’d been dipped in a chemical plant for years, finally unleashing their odour to the world. No one’s feet should ever make you shed tears like you’re cutting onions, yet Ace found a way. Rather, her fungus found a way.

Past the stinkiness, there wasn’t much to say about the taste. The foot was sweaty, so I got my sodium fix for today. However, it only tasted a little sour. I mainly noticed it while sucking on the darker patches. But aside from those bitter areas, I could at least tolerate licking the fungus out of her sole.

And like Minh T. had said, they were beautiful. Ace’s feet were as skinny as mine, though her arches were a degree deeper. If we lined our feet up, you’d notice that hers were smaller. A good or bad thing? You decide. The girl was lucky, as it meant she didn’t grow up getting teased over oversized feet.

No, they’d tease her because they stunk like cheese soaked in dated vinegar.

While handling her computer business, she laughed a handful of times. “My toes…”

“I’ll go slower,” Minh T. said, licking her lips. GROSS! She’d already been tasting the toes, and her tongue took a dive to the clump of jam. After bringing it back into her mouth, chewing it, and swallowing it, she puckered her lips. “Yum. Soury.”

“You’re sick,” I mumbled.

“Sick with love.”

No, just sick. And after today, I was gonna need a trip to the hospital. Now that the sole was wet, and I’d sucked out some of the fungus on this part of the foot, guess what remained. Oh, the toes? Congrats. Your reward is the most nausea-inducing description of licking that my brain can come up with.

Firstly, the substance felt like school lunch—soft yet firm, a whole contradiction. On top of that, its warmth stood out since I wasn’t expecting foot filth to be sizzling. But after it rubbed against my lips, some of it oozing onto my face, I opened my mouth. Clearly, sucking the toes wasn’t good enough. I had to fight this thing at the source. BETWEEN the toes.

Squish! Slurp!

The tears flowed like rain as I sucked the toe jam out. Chunks landed on my tongue, waiting to get further softened. After obtaining a mouthful of the blackish gloop, my teeth got to work chewing it. Oof… For as well as I managed the sole, this stuff was toxic. Overly salty and tasted like… Picture eating macaroni, but you find that all the cheese is brown and has specks of sand, dust, hair and everything else unholy.

Let’s just say your tongue won’t like it unless your brain’s malfunctioning.

Gulp!

Oof. That was terrible. Unfortunately, a jungle of grime remained on Ace’s toes. And if I wanted her stupid ass to deliver this package to the Scapellis, the toe jam would have to go.

So, I sucked until my lungs shrivelled. The filthier my mouth felt, the more progress I made. Enduring her foot smell had already been an accomplishment. However, surviving her little infection should’ve earned me a badge. Most other Toads would have refused on principle. Meanwhile, I gobbled it up like lunch.

“Nice,” Ace moaned. “I can actually move my toes. Almost.”

“I’m getting there.” After swallowing my 30th mouthful of gunk, I sucked her toes for an extra cleansing. Bobbing up and down on the big one made her lick her lips, and I could see she loved getting the rest of them sucked as well. For once, I couldn’t blame her. It must’ve been relieving to have two suckers ridding you of your dirty fungus.

GULP!

I slammed my fists on the desk, gasping for air. “DONE!”

A load of sliminess could be heard when Ace rubbed her feet together. As violated as my mouth felt, seeing her pale soles put a small smirk on my face. Because now their beauty wasn’t interrupted. Minh T., meanwhile, was still trying to kiss her foot. Jeez, was her goal to make the girl numb at this rate?

“I think you two can skip breakfast today,” Penelope giggled, slapping my cheek. “And now, this wonderful lady is gonna deliver the package, right?”

Ace leaned back, stretching her feet on the desk for nearly 40 seconds. “It’ll take a day, but sure, I’ll get it to them. I can fake a name and address like magic.”

“You’d better.” I got out my seat, wiping the remnants of foot grime off my lips. “I swear, you could pass as Daisy’s daughter with how strongly your feet reek.”

“Heh, I wish I could go to Sarasaland. All the positions in this kingdom are snatched up as soon as they open. Sarasaland’s kingdoms give you time to hop on their team.” She spun around in her chair, finally bringing her feet to the floor. “Bye-bye.”

“Hope the best for you, ma’am,” Penelope said, happily heading for the door. Or she would’ve if I hadn’t grabbed her by the collar.

“You got a phone number?” I asked.

Ace’s eyebrows dropped. “Why?”

Ripping a page from Peach’s playbook, I refused to answer why I needed the number. But, against all odds, she still gave it to me. Hmm… If Daisy ended up turning her into some footslave, that’d still be an improvement from working for a dangerous family. Heck, maybe she’d actually convert the teen into an adopted daughter of sorts.

“You the only one who works here?” Minh T. asked. “Seems so lonely.”

“Nah. Other guy’s just not here all the time. ‘Cause he’s got SCHOOL, so he comes in late. That old thing.”

Ding! Ding!

“I was literally here yesterday. Forgot we don’t have school this week?”

At the door was a red-spotted Toad with brown eyes and a small tuft of brown hair. Aside from the black headband wrapped around his cap, you wouldn’t think anything special of him. However, I got a little chuckle from how his voice was deeper than Captain Toad’s. Eh, almost. It was a bit croaky and unstable. Puberty must’ve run this poor kid over like a train.

“Ow! Something wrong?” I asked Minh T., who choked my arm. She should’ve been savouring the nasty grime in her mouth, not acting like a Scapelli caught us.

The boy raised an eyebrow. “What are you doing here?”

“What are YOU doing here?” she retorted.

“Working. Told you I found something easy.”

I released myself from Minh T. “You know everyone in this town, huh?”

Instead of responding to my light-hearted question, she solely focused on the boy. She rushed to him, whispered something in her language, and finally grabbed my and Penelope’s hands. Without saying a word, she speed-walked us out the building. Moving so quickly, the Toad almost busted her head, nearly tripping over the gap between the door and sidewalk. Oh, but how important that second delay was.

“That your cousin or something, Dane T.?” Ace asked before the door shut.

In the Mushroom Kingdom, the chances of two Toads sharing the same name were smaller than finding a human and Toad wedded. Even without last names, we had a knack for not repeating names like most humans did. At most, we’d share our parent’s name with a junior or numbered suffix.

So, why did that girl just say my little brother’s name?