My Conversion Story Journal

Written over multiple days in June 2023

This journal was written (and will be before being put on here) in a journal by hand. The journal was given to me by a friend who when I told her that I was converting to Judaism, she told me that I was going to hell and that I was going to be just another arrogant Jew that will make her feel like an idiot. Needless to say things have not been the same between us since. Her "another Jew" statement was directed at a mutual friend of ours. How could she make such an anti Semitic comment about her friend (who is still friends with her to this day)? How could I say anything to break up their relationship though? What good would that do? I still love my friend and eventually fond memories of game nights and laughter will replace the hate statements. Even if our lunches and dinners never make it past what has become superficial conversations, I will never forget the lesson I learned through her - what it feel like to be hated for simply being (or in my case just wanting to be) a Jew.

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There are 4 things that I have been focusing on so far with my conversion:
1. Learning Hebrew
2. Going Kosher (while understanding the spiritual element and application)
3. Praying (understanding what is included and what to prayers to pray when)
4. Reading & videos

Let's start in order - learning Hebrew.
I have to admit that I started learning Hebrew before making the final decision to convert to Judaism. I wanted to get closer to G-d and grow my relationship with Him. Hebrew for Christians (website) was a gateway for me - as strange as it sounds. It wasn't just the Hebrew, though I did fall in love with the language rather quickly. It was a quote from a Jewish author in which his book was only available in Hebrew. I had been putting off learning Hebrew until I mastered Spanish, but craved so badly that Jewish wisdom that I had to start learning. I wanted to read that book - I don't even remember the title of it now - and I wanted to read the bible to grow my relationship with G-d. It only took a few months before I started understanding the words in Hebrew were manipulated in the New Testament, and even a few in the Old Testament to change the meaning of the test. I became angry and stopped learning Spanish (for a few months) to focus only on Hebrew. I watched all (overstatement) of the videos Rabbi Tovia Singer had on YouTube and checked vigorously my King James Bible against my Sefaria app and would see the manipulation before Rabbi Singer would say it. Every question I had about Christianity, everything that made me question, was clarified through learning Hebrew and viewing the English translation through a Jewish lens. I had to go back to my roots to the G-d of the Old Testament. To the G-d of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. There is so much more to my decision to convert, but this beautiful language was a doorway for me to Judaism.

So the questions, "What have I done to learn Hebrew and what am I doing now?" need to be answered. I started learning Hebrew through Duolingo. I knew that app alone was not enough for me to learn. I started adding videos on YouTube to help learn the alphabet "Alef Bet" and basic words. This still was not enough. I needed to be able to pronounce words and know what they meant. I added music. I stared with Joshua Aaron, a messianic Jew. The term messianic Jew is a complete contradiction in terms in my opinion, but he didn't have a heavy Yiddish accent and was easy to understand. I quickly fell in love with Avraham Fried and his passion through he has a large amount of Yiddish. I built my ever expanding Hebrew playlist on YouTube. I joined Learning Hebrew groups on Facebook where I was introduced to GZ. For $30 I started Hebrew Conversation Unit 1 where I learned to talk in Hebrew and understand gender rules. He had me joining Easy Hebrew Method and I learned Hebrew words while reviewing the alphabet (Alef Bet). He is a very good teacher and will answer questions over messenger in addition to questions in class.

Number 2 - going Kosher
Of course I Had heard of kosher and knew to choose kosher food, but never really understood it. I read articles and learned recipes, but never really understood the importance of it until I read, "The Rambam Diet (Maimonides) Basic Manual" translated by Solomon Michan M. It was through this book that I understood the connection of health, food, spirituality, and Hashem. I learned about the importance of eating bread in the mornings and how emotions play an important role in digestion. "A person who wants to take care of his health has to remove sadness, anger, and fear and bring happiness. All those emotions affect the soul so we have to be glad with what we have and not complain. Also, it's not good to worry about everything, without worries, we can control our body heat, have a better digestion,, and strengthen our minds." and "The opposite of joy is worry." These quotes stood out to me because of Nehemiah 8:10. "Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength." This is the verse I have held onto when I was down, stressed, or life seemed to overwhelm me. I would put on joyful music and try to be joyful. Who knew I was helping my digestion. Going kosher has definately given food a spiritual aspect from learning blessings "bruchas" to praying after the meal "benching" to what to eat when and why. Separating meat and cheese is a very conscious act since I have always eaten meat and dairy together. Tacos will never be tacos again. A chicken salad with ranch dressing is a thing of the past. I, however, am not complaining. I find it amazing that a simple change of separating meat and dairy can have a large impact on the body. My body feels good. I have yet to make challah but as summer arrives, my time to experiment and create will increase exponentially.

Number 3 - praying
I definitely do not have prayer all figured out yet. I have The Complete Artscroll Siddur and pray the Shema twice a day. I do the morning prayers transliterated on Chabad.org website. My Siddur has the Modeh Ani the same but not the others. I pray the bedtime Shema. I learned about the angel Uriel. I had never heard of that angel before, but when I asked, I was given articles to read. I love the language of the prayers and found that it is difficult not to stop partway through and have a private heartfelt conversation with Hashem or just thank him for the event, the thought, or whatever in the prayer struck me. My prayer has, without question, reached an ew level. I have never felt closer to G-d than I do now when I pray. The words, "Blessed are you, Lord our God, Master of the universe..." fill me with joy and warmth. I've been attending a class every Sunday called Chassidic Insights into daily prayers, however, the Rabbi uses a different prayer book than mine and I haven't found which prayer he is discussing. That may seem odd, but the language and topics repeat in most of the prayers. Also, I do not have them all memorized yet. Chabad Academy sometimes has other classes about prayer and I try to catch all of those.

Number 4 - reading & videos
I have been reading a lot. I've spent too much on books and am struggling with the fact that I haven't bought a new pair of shoes. I could not begin to count the number of articles I've read and words I've looked up which have led to more articles. I've gone into an endless cave of learning, wisdom, and insights. This in in addition to the books. I already mentioned The Rambam Diet (short book)that I was able to read in a day even with my busy schedule. To Be a Jew: A Guide to Jewish Observance in Contemporary Life by Rabbi Hayim Halevy Donn is full of good information, but a lot of information all at once. I have skipped around that book a bit but it leads to a bunch of articles to look up more information. I'm really enjoying Choosing a Jewish Life by Anita Diamant. I'm about halfway through it, but it is probably the first book I haven't written in. How to Run a Traditional Jewish Household by Blu Greenberg is a good guide to the technical aspects of Jewish life. It is easy to follow, but not recommended as the first thing you read. Know the Jewish terms and most used words before reading this one.

Never in my life have I watched so much YouTube. Classes that I missed or wanted to watch again from Chabad Academy take a lot of my time. From Me to Jew a conversion story that is still added to since she is getting married. Other conversion stories. Rabbi Tovia Singer's videos though he needs new jokes. I've watched videos from the Women's League for Conservative Judaism to get a woman's perspective. They have some resources on their site I can't wait to get (when I can afford to buy more stuff). Specifically a planner/calendar that has all of the candle lighting times for the year and prayers including the after meal prayer shortened version.


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I have new books arriving this week that I am excited about .Books about prayer, going kosher, the sabbath, chasidic wisdom, the Tanakh and prayers.

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Music has been a progression. Because I didn't listen to secular music, I started focusing my playlist on songs that did not include Jesus but rather focused on the love and praise of G-d. Then I added messianic music to get used to singing in Hebrew. Then I found Avraham Fried who still remains my favorite. Others I like are Beri Weber, Mordechai Shapiro, Mordechai Ben David (MBD), Shiria Choir, and I'm getting acquainted with others. Ones I need to look up yet are Muti Steinmetz (Heard a little) and Zusha and Ishay Ribo.

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My dad doesn't seem to understand my decision. He doesn't understand what conversion means or what that means for my beliefs and life. He still tells me that Jesus loves me. I understand that he doesn't understand. Just saying that I believe in G-d but not that Jesus is G-d is not simply enough. Telling him that I'm becoming a Jew isn't simple enough. So I just say, "I love you, Dad," and change the subject.

My children have been super supportive. My daughter D and her husband took me out to dinner and paid extra to be able to send desert home with me since I don't eat meat and dairy in the same meal. My daughter A1 bought me Jewish books for Mother's Day. My daughter A2 has joined me in eating kosher. If at the end of this all I have is my children and a closer relationship with Hashem, I will still have come out ahead.