My Conversion Story Journal

October 2, 2023

I can say that I did not stay up to midnight talking last night and actually got more than 5 hours of sleep. That good sleep was very helpful with my Hebrew lesson tonight. I was surprised with how much I remembered and how much I could read and understand as I read or heard the other guy in my class read. At one point I even said, "I actually understood that." I'm still taking multiple classes with GZ. I am in Easy Hebrew Method which I finished unit 5, I think. In that class, I read and learn vocabulary, sentence structure, verb conjugation, etc. I am in Conversational Hebrew on unit 6. I do learn vocabulary in that class also, but mostly how to pronounce words and hold a conversation. I am also enrolled in Isaish (Yeshayahu). Hearing the Tanach (bible) read in Hebrew and translated directly from Hebrew brings so much more depth and meaning to the verses. I wish I had access to this a long time ago.

I have been talking with L (sometimes until midnight) and going over the different prayers. We were reviewing the different prayers of the regular Shabbat service, and I was telling him every place that I was still struggling. He, of course, was very encouraging and had no problem calling me out being hard on myself. I know I am. I just love the language and the prayers and feeling that I get when praying them. I want to be able to pronounce every now perfectly. That is completely unrealistic, especially with how slowly I learn, but it's like someone put my heart on a page in a book. I want to speak my heart.

There is one prayer that is sung and I can't read fast enough to keep up. I have the melody down, but if I can't read fast enough or memorize the prayer, I can't sing it with everyone else. I really want to be able to sing it, because it is a beautiful prayer with a beautiful melody. L sent me a link to the song last night, and even though I didn't like the version he chose, I found one that I liked that was closest to the way it is sung at shul. I am hoping after a week or two of listening to it, I will be able to sing it. I figure that even if I have lost my place at the time, when I hear it sung, I will be able to participate still and find my place again easily.

There are still a few places in the prayers that I struggle. One place is not translated to English at all. It is transliterated because it is in aramaic (I believe that is the reason he said). I have a hard time with prayers when I can't read that fast and I only understand a few of the words if any. I want to know it, and I can't translate it myself yet.

I understand the phrase, "Walk before you run," but I haven't been walking very fast in my opinion. It has been many months that I have been studying and a couple months that I have been attending shul regularly. I know that most of the people in the shul have been doing this for years or most of their lives (a large part all), and I shouldn't expect myself to know everything right away. However, there is a sweet 85 year-old woman with a beautiful Jewish name who only found out a couple of years ago that she was Jewish and started started attending shul. If a woman as old as my grandmother can learn in a couple of years, I should be able to also, right?

This week is still Sukkot though I don't have access to a sukkah through the week (sadly enough). This weekend is two holidays Shemini Atzeret and Simchat Torah. I will not be going to the Friday night service as I will be at my daughter's lighting candles, but I will be there Saturday night and Sunday morning. This weekend, we will finish reading the Torah and start it over. When I talked to my American Rabbi today, he said that next weekend we will finish reading the entire book of Genesis (Bereshit) since we only read like the first 50 verses or so this weekend. I think that is amazing. If you've never heard it read in Hebrew, get on YouTube, find it read aloud, and you may understand why this is such a joyous occasion.

Have a great night. I know I will.