Toadette's Story

Chapter 56 - Penelope's Race

And even after offering all my milk to this event, there was still work to be done. But at least sweeping floors in a building was as easy as it got. Monotony was the real obstacle. After such an intense experience in the other building, this was nothing but busywork. Why were only two Toads assigned to clean such a large room other than Peach’s love of toying with me?

Credit to Minh T. Her ability to make up short songs on the fly allowed her to keep sane while I was dying of boredom.

Didn’t think she’d be so open to tryin’ it out
Sniffing my soles and licking all about
Too mad my boy’s too much of a pansy to play
Gotta train him to suck these toes right one day

Yet all it took was a crumpled wrapper tossed at her feet for her voice to cut off.

“I hope you never get in the music business, ‘cause you’ll make everything corny.” As Captain Toad bit into a candy bar, Minh T. slowly looked his way.

“Pick it up.”

“Still on guard duty. Work can’t be interrupted.” He gulped. “And considering it just touched your toes, I’ll double pass.”

She rolled her eyes and grabbed the wrapper with her toes, setting it down on her dust pile. “Quick to say mean things about my feet, but when they’re stroking his legs in bed, he doesn’t mind one bit.” She swept in my direction, dancing, gaze focused on the filthy floor. “If he ever complains about your feet sweating, I say rub ‘em all over his face until he stops crying.”

“Try it, Toadette. See how far you get.”

“Don’t tempt me.” I slumped against a wall, glancing at Minh T. “You have a way of making the most boring tasks look fun.”

“All about keeping spirits up.” She kicked some grit into the pile. “Even at life’s toughest, we run on happy energy, my family.”

“That’d drive me crazy.”

She chuckled. “If I didn’t think this way, I’d probably be dangling in my closet years ago.”

“And probably would’ve brought the whole rack and walls down.”

WHACK!

As Captain Toad bounced against a table, I clenched my stomach in a burst of laughter. Half the broomstick stuck out his mouth.

“Okay, maybe I asked for that,” he gargled.

“Now I’m on guard duty,” Minh T. snapped, plopping next to me. “Finish the job before I ask Toadette to gag you with her toes.”

I still had to catch my breath, unable to quit chuckling.

“Colour me impressed that you can put up with him so well.”

“Duh. All bark and no bite. No way is a kitty like him gonna make me wet myself.” She scrunched her toes as he passed us, holding up a middle finger.

“Just a day with him would make me never wanna get with a guy.”

“Girls are worse.”

“I wouldn’t know.” I sighed, keeping an eye on the tops of Minh T.’s feet. The way she continued curling them was delicious.

“Remember Jolene?”

“Prefer to not remember that bitch.”

“When we got together, she had a great mouth game, but that crept into our social lives. Couldn’t even talk to you without her thinking I was cheating on her. Just one example out of the girls I’ve been with, Toadette.”

I scoffed. “I’ve seen guys do even worse.”

“But I got experience. Girls are just as if not crazier.” A soft moan came from her when her foot touched mine. “You’re different.”

“Because I don’t swing that way.”

“Because you’re not losing your mind if I don’t talk to you for a week. What I said isn’t just about girlfriends. Try juggling dozens of friendships, and it turns out everyone wants a piece of you.” She smiled. “Besides, have you ever cursed me out for chatting up a dude you had your eye on?”

I shook my head. Great thing she didn’t have mind-reading abilities.

“Most sensible friend I could ever be stuck with,” she whispered, inching closer.

With how she’d begun to touch my side, I didn’t know whether she was flirting or simply being nice. Especially with her rubbing her foot against mine so slowly. I thanked her, but damn, I wanted her to be a bit more direct.

While we waited for the man to finish our task, I took a quick look at my feet. If they weren’t dirty before, they were the complete opposite now. The dust had amassed all over the soles, creating perfectly grey footprints. Minh T.’s soles were even blacker, but hey, that was a normal day for her. Rubbing mine together brushed off some of the dust, but that colour had no intention of changing.

After a couple of minutes, the broom flew into the corner.

“And I finished faster than either of you would’ve by yourself,” Captain Toad bragged.

“Really?” I scanned the room to check for any leftover dust bunnies. “Whatever makes you feel good. Let’s get some sunlight.”

“Where you going?”

“Day’s still long,” Minh T. yawned, checking her phone. “Gonna end at Toadette’s place, but before that, we’re taking Penny to town.”

“Alright, see you never.”

“You don’t wanna come?” I asked.

He spun. “I was invited?”

“I was just being nice. If you don’t want to…”

“Can’t.” He pointed to his outfit. “Busy schedule today. Plus, given our little reputation amongst a certain family, I say the farther we stay apart for now, the better. Especially if you’re dragging—”

“Me?” Penelope stepped between us, letting out a loud groan as she stretched.

“We’ll be careful,” I said. Just as Minh T. took Penelope’s hand and stepped away, I got closer to Captain Toad. “Behave yourself, and there’s a fraction of a chance I give you something special.”

He looked stunned. “Provided I’m not dealing with your nasty feet, this adult side of yours has me piqued. I’ll probably try. Probably.”

“‘Probably’ won’t get you far.” With a spin, I left him with a potential boner.

Did I do well back there? Ugh, they should’ve had classes on how to talk to members of the opposite sex. TV always makes it look easy and magical, to the point where teens succeed every other day. Yet here I was, age 19, my heart dying of embarrassment every time I even whispered a sexual statement. I must’ve looked like a scared dog back there.

“Okay, Miss Mushroom City, where exactly are we going?” Once we stepped outside of Super Star Plaza, I put my slides on. “Cross out an arcade, movie theatre, park, horrible water system…”

“I think our little friend would love visiting Circuit Rink.”

“Circuit Rink!?” Penelope’s DS hit the sidewalk. “I get to drive!?”

“Drive!?”

Minh T. was animated. “It’s like a miniature racing place, Toadette. Think those old Mario Kart tournaments, only with tons more safety and tons less Spiny Shells.”

My eyes widened. “Absolutely not.”

“Tranquila. The easiest courses have them glued to the tracks. They got seatbelts. You can’t even burn out or anything. It’s literally as safe as it gets. We gonna deny poor Penny here the thrill of being a speed demon when there hasn’t been in accident in forever?” She put her face against Penelope’s, both making those irritating cutesy eyes. “Plus, cars got two seats. One of us stays with her, ‘kay?”

“If something goes wrong—”

“It. Won’t.” As a bus pulled up, she yanked Penelope up the stairs before I could protest. With an exasperated sigh, I stepped aboard.

The very concept of Mario Kart had always been so dangerous. It originally began as a one-off event where the main man himself, Super Mario, wanted to race throughout the Mushroom Kingdom. Yet popularity converted it into an annual thing back in the ‘90s. It was interesting when Peach was finally old enough to race, always handling her car in the slipperiest fashion yet maintaining high speed.

They converted some of the tournaments into little video games for those Nintendo systems, where I largely got my impressions.

It was less the racing that terrified me and more the use of items. Combat during a race? Ask our last car chase, and it becomes clear that that is a nightmare. In Mario Kart’s case, Bob-ombs had been used to blow racers up. Never to the point of destroying them, but all its selected racers had strength surpassing that of the average person. Mario, Bowser, Donkey Kong, Peach, even that bastard Wario.

But if Minh T. was absolutely sure that items wouldn’t be used, there was a chance Penelope would be okay.

I could barely think of alternative activities because of how loud the bus was. Not only were these two screaming everything they said, but the rest of the bus was packed. To be expected in Mushroom City, but still, could I not get a single second of peace!?

Fifteen to twenty stops later, relief finally arrived.

Standing a quarter of a kilometre away from us was a silver stadium. The roof was lined with a bold blue, and various flags waved in the sky. The castle had previously amazed me with its size, along with the Mushroom Kingdom Hotel and its many floors. This gave that similar feeling, only more imposing on top of being impressive. When I heard the engines echoing through the metal coliseum, my hot feet started to turn cold.

Minh T. poked me. “Toadette, have I given you any reason not to trust me here?” She shushed me before I could counter. “Arcade doesn’t count.”

“What are you afraid of, Miss Toadette?” Penelope tightened her sneakers’ laces. “You act like this is a dangerous race event. Besides, if my mother could do them when she was younger, I must have the blood to survive anything.”

“I’ll go,” I said with regret, “but I’m getting in that car with you, not her.”

“Um, no. Miss Minh T. has played way more games than you, she seems less scared than you, and she says she’s driven before. She’s my partner.”

“How do you even know—”

“We weren’t quiet on the bus,” Minh T. said. “I must’ve done a ten-out-of-ten job on your pedi, ‘cause you were staring at it the whole ride.”

“Penelope, I need to make sure you’re okay. And frankly, her protecting you means no one is protected.” I looked to Minh T. “No offence.”

The girl’s eyebrows slanted. “I wanna race with—”

“You will go with me. End of discussion.”

“It is not the end of—”

“Come on.” I began to walk ahead.

“So you don’t want me to win? Is that it!?” She stomped on the sidewalk, bellowing at the top of her lungs. “I am racing with Miss Minh T.! That’s an order!”

“Enough! Shut up!” I snatched her wrist and pulled her in so close that she could taste my breath. “If you were really in charge of me, your mom wouldn’t have put me in charge of babysitting you. Either we do this together or I’m taking you straight to the hotel. Got it?”

There was little resistance as I pulled her to Circuit Rink. Minh T. also continued in a state of shock.

Inside the stadium looked about as impressive as the outside. We stood on a large, concrete floor that showed off the basic car that every racer would use. It was a basic machine with stripes and some wings on the side, appropriately called the Wild Wing. For something meant to give a Mario Kart experience, I’d have expected them to use actual karts. While Penelope glared at the car, her face grumpy and body stiff with hate, I readied my coins. Only under working for Peach was I comfortable spending 400 coins for some thrills.

“Which course, ma’am?” A Wiggler at the counter pointed me to the race maps on a screen, each course located on a different floor.

I pointed to the simplest one. “2003 Baby Park.” Nothing but a simple oval. How could anything go wrong?

“I’m not a damn baby!” Penelope hoisted herself onto the counter and clenched her fists. “2003 Waluigi Stadium, please!”

Was she insane? The track she chose had sharp bends, mud everywhere, that ugly leprechaun’s face plastered on banners, fireballs, everything we didn’t want to deal with. Don’t get me started on how the elevation constantly changed.

After she dropped from the counter, I didn’t hesitate to give her a quick bop on the mouth. Back to grabbing her wrist, too.

“Ma’am, continue to the right, through Passage G, and y’all should be set to go.” The Wiggler tossed us two helmets—one fit a human child, the other fit an adult Toad.

“Thank you,” Minh T. said, scooching us forward. “Play nice, you two. I’ll be rooting for you both.”

We split ways, Penelope and I heading in the direction of other racers.

“Every time I think I’m starting to like you, you do something beyond ridiculous,” I muttered.

“That makes two of us.”

We walked down a long hallway. Once in a wide elevator with all the other eager racers, to my shock, we began to descend. We went down for a good while, too. When the other door opened, it was like we were 400 metres under the ground. Soon the smell of mud hit my nostrils, and a worker directed us down another corridor.

“Next race in three minutes, folks.” He pointed to the track’s starting line, where 30 cars were parked and running. “Hurry, hurry, don’t wanna get a late start!”

Such an ugly arena Penelope had to choose for us. The backdrop here was a dark sunset, and most the lighting came from these bright towers. Above and around us was a crowd making their crowd noise. But this actual track, the one that looked too poor for a dirt bike event to rent out, was likely not worth the money I forked for this privilege.

“Let’s do this, I guess.” I pointed to a red and black car.

Penelope didn’t move, though.

“I have to pee.”

“For fuck’s sake… Really? Now!?”

“Yes, Miss Toadette. Now.”

“We’re already down here. You’d better hold it in.”

“Okay.” Her annoyingly lifeless expression didn’t change. “Then don’t yell at me when the seat gets wet.”

Calm down, Toadette. Don’t knock the child out. Not yet.

“Should’ve asked when we were up there.” Begrudgingly, I pulled the brat through the way we came, informing the man at the elevator of our situation. He emphasised there was no way we’d make it back before the race started, but I’d rather get 30th place than have to smell her pissy pants for the rest of the day. Eventually the doors opened, and I pushed the only button that would bring us up. “Come on.”

There she was again, being stupid. Was her need to pee so bad that it killed her legs?

“Penelope, let’s go.”

Three seconds passed before she smirked. “Cheer me on from the sidelines.”

“Little—”

And the door closed. With no button to reverse the elevator mid-motion, I was left speechless, helpless and ascending for a solid minute. As soon as it opened at the top—BAM!—my knuckles cracked with the blow they gave that down button.

Selfish little brat! If she got hurt, this was my job on the line, a fact she seemed to casually forget. All because Minh T. could be a better racer than me. Better racer meant nothing if she couldn’t guarantee the girl’s safety.

The worker stopped me when I stepped out the elevator.

“I’m warning you, ma’am. They’re already off.”

“The cars are baked into the ground, right? Like with rails? At least she’ll be fine.”

He gulped. “The rails are only for the amateur courses. Intermediate and above, they’re loose.”

“Come on!” There was no sugarcoating how likely my brain was to melt into a puddle of glop. “Next you’re gonna tell me they use items here, too. Like an actual race.”

His silent stare made my fists curl tighter.

“I have a kid, too,” he said. “I’m sorry for what you’re going through.”

“Not your fault. Thanks.” As I sprinted down the hall, I pulled out my phone and speed-dialled the moron who got us into this situation. Well, one of two morons. “Remind me to punch you in the face the next time I see you!”

“What?”

“Didn’t cross your mind to tell me this track had no rails? Or that they used items here? Or that it lacked any sort of safety measures for dumb kids?”

“I thought you knew. It said so on the screen you totally saw. And where are you? Hiding under your seat?”

Once I was back in the brown arena, I heard her drop her phone, yelling. But I had to focus on the race before addressing her. The large lap counter listed five laps, and the racers were all on their first. I could see them zipping by in the distance, but they still had a long way to go before crossing me. The sight of banana peels scattered and Koopa shells flinging across the track made me wanna bang my head against the wall. How many more obstacles did today want to throw Toadette’s way?

Penelope better have had the nerve to be wearing a seatbelt.

“As soon as I see her car come by, I’m jumping right into the seat.”

“This isn’t a movie, Toadette!” Minh T.’s screaming grew louder. “Let’s just hope she comes out okay!”

“I don’t think—”

“Worst that happens is she spins out or breaks a leg in a crash. These aren’t weak little toy cars.”

“That’s exactly what worries me.”

She sighed. “Just let the race play out, please.”

I frowned, glaring at the line of racers.

For someone as stupid as Penelope, the brat was somehow handling the track better than expected. She hadn’t crashed into a wall yet, only occasionally veering into the mud pits. Hmph. If I were there, I’d be drifting like a pro, using the car’s brakes to make extreme turns just like in a video game. Better than she was doing right now, as she just hit another racer trying to turn.

And when she made contact with his car, I saw her wince.

Here she was, reaching the second lap. We exchanged conflicting glances before she floored the pedal.

“No!” A green Koopa shell caused her car’s back half to tip, stopping her for a painful two seconds.

“That’s what you get for not paying attention!”

Disrespectful as she was, she flicked me off, then continued on. At this rate, she’d fallen to the lower positions. Almost like all her opponents were adults and she was a child who shouldn’t have been on this extreme track. Well, she made her bed, and now she was gonna lie in it. Shell after shell struck her, she slipped on a banana peel, and when she finally snagged an Item Box, all it gave her were coins to give a tiny boost to her car’s max speed—something the girl couldn’t achieve with how poor she handled corners.

Before the finish line was a giant ramp that boosted the cars. While others were already on their third lap, Penelope was just making it to the rainbow-coloured ramp.

“At this point, her chances of winning are completely shot,” I said over the phone.

“Give her some encouragement, Toadette.”

“She treated me like I’m some piece of trash, and you’re telling me to cheer her on. I’ll yell at her to give up if you want.”

She groaned. “That is so child—”

And in a flash, the crowd screamed in unison. The obnoxious lighting in the stadium had completely gone out, leaving nothing but the glow from the boost panels and the racers’ headlights. Maybe a few phone lights within the crowd, but aside from these small sources, this place got uncomfortable.

Then I jumped out my slides when a huge lightning bolt zigzagged its way onto the first-place racer. Then it struck the second-place one, then the third-place one, and it stiffened and burnt every other racer.

“Why am I not surprised?” The only car still moving smoothly was Penelope’s. If these cars were driven by stick, then she was on her fifth gear.

As happy as Penelope was, I knew this item’s effect wasn’t gonna be permanent. After being stunned, these cars would immediately speed off. The girl ended up in sixth place when things became normal.

Just as the stun wore off, a nearby racer slammed their car straight into hers. Then another one launched a Red Shell at her. All it took were those two attacks for Penelope’s smile to fade. Finally she was on the same page as me; these racers weren’t gonna take kindly to her use of a Lightning item. If nobody liked it in the games, nobody liked it in real life either.

Ouch! They really didn’t like it. Even the racer in front of her threw back a Fake Item Box. It exploded and she got a taste of her own medicine, feeling the faint electrocution as her car sputtered.

“You just can’t make friends in this city, huh?” I shook my head.

“The racers on these advanced tracks are very serious. They usually throw away Lightnings because they think they’re cheap.”

“Well, that’s for Penelope to deal with. I think I’m just gonna sit back and watch.”

Then I saw a racer continue to slam her car against one of the walls. She had dropped to ninth place, but being between all the stronger racers had her looking in every direction. And the longer she went on, the more damage her car took.

“Yep, just gonna watch,” I repeated slowly.

Even without seeing her, I felt Minh T.’s frustration building on the other end of the line. She audibly gave up.

“Jump in that car, Toadette.”

“No problem.”