Musings from the Mascarade

Confronting Yourself

I was recently surprised to find myself envious when somebody announced an accomplishment. Envy isn't like me, so it caused me to question myself and my motivations. Why was I suddenly so green? I didn't really want what they had!

I decided to pause and consider what I really want, and the answer came to me: I'd like to see the fruits of my labors. I'm not striving for a fancy vacation, or a higher title. I'd just like to conquer my anxiety, and to see my writing finally have a breakthrough and grow to reach more readers. That's it. Not even fame and fortune. Well, fortune would be nice. Retirement is on the horizon, after all.

I felt ashamed of this realization, because I believe it's about having a authentic journey of discovery, which I am. It has been a lot of work, and there has been progress, slow and steady. I guess my envy came from finally wanting to see that "big" moment of cheers and raining confetti saying "yay, you did it!" And yet, shedding my old "role self" and finally embracing my full "authentic self" is in itself exciting and fascinating. To me, anyway. Nobody else cares about my existential crisis. That's ok. It's a personal discovery, anyway, and the impacts on others will be all good. That's my intention, anyway.

Maybe that "yay" moment will come. Maybe it will be the evolution of life through steady progress. That's more likely, and I'm good with that. I don't think confronting myself is bad, though, because as my husband said this morning "you're human, and you need to let yourself be human." True. These thoughts will come, and it's ok to feel them. They need space to be heard. The important thing is to confront yourself to find truth, and to take it with you on the journey.

That's all today.

Bye,

Sherri F. Moorer
https://www.amazon.com/Sherri-Fulmer-Moorer/e/B005G5DW9U
http://www.sherrithewriter.com/