Spiral Bound Journal

On Juggling Multiple Sparks

"What am I missing, Quinn?"

Quinn looked up from his reading and spotted Dana sprawled on the chaise attached to the sofa. He shifted to see her face, as her head was halfway to the seat cushion. For not the first time Quinn wondered how Dana could be comfortable in that slouched position.

"Is this about Morgan?"

Dana nodded. "I've been honest with Morgan from the beginning that polyamory does have the component of being able to explore attraction to other men. And he's known ever since Matthew and I met that I'm attracted to him. Given that Matthew is more open to my media-related interests and theories, this is a multifaceted feeling."

"To be fair, Matthew sounds a little bit like me," Quinn interjected. "I kinda want to meet him."

"You might be right about Matthew there, now that I think about it. I do see some major common threads between you two."

"In any case, Morgan's still upset."

"He is, and he really hasn't told me why."

"Do you think knowing why would help you fix things?"

At that, Dana pushed herself up a little ways. "Partly, but I also recognize that viewing this as a thing I must fix isn't necessarily healthy."

"I guess there is that. On the other hand, if there is something broken between you and Morgan, both of you will need to do some work to one, determine that things can be fixed and two, actually fix things."

"Well, yes, but without Morgan saying what's on his mind I'm kind of stuck. If he's not going to talk, I need to find other ways to get a handle on this situation."

"Fair," Quinn replied with a nod of his head. "You know, I don't know if I know everything that happened between you and Matthew while you were in London. I mean, I know you two had dinner in King's Cross, but that's it."

"We met up at King's Cross Station, just outside of the Gregg's there," Dana told him. "I asked if we could stop at the hotel so I could drop off my gear, as I didn't want to be lugging all that around in the evening."

"That makes sense."

"And even though that in itself didn't take long, you know how much effort is needed to actually get to the rooms in The Standard. It's like a labyrinth."

"AH, yes, I remember having to check the signs all the time to see that we were going in the right direction."

Dana chuckled. "Yeah, Matthew got a bit overwhelmed by that as well."

"So what happened after that?"

"Well, we decided to go to Dishoom for dinner, and that menu is designed for sharing, which is exactly what we did. I get that eating family style in a restaurant is a bit unusual here in the US, so to some people it may look more intimate than it is."

"What all did you have?"

"Pretty much all different stuff from the time we visited. We had okra, veggie samosas, potatoes. Matthew isn't fully a vegetarian but prefers to eat veg whenever possible."

"What all did you discuss? Do you remember?"

"The conversation was mostly about football, photographing football, and my goals in this area. I talked about my desire to photograph the Super Bowl, which lead to Superb Owl jokes. And as the internet knows, Matthew has a soft spot for owls. He especially likes off the wall owl names."

"Yes, I remember you showing me that video after VidCon in 2027."

"So we were laughing and having a good time. I did have an IPA while we were eating. I figured an IPA at an Indian restaurant makes sense."

"And all a beer does is make you more talkative."

"Yes, but remember that a British pint is heftier than what we get here. I admit I was thrown for a bit of a loop, even though I have seen British pints before, like when we were at the little Taj Mahal place."

"You saw those beers more than I did."

"True. I still can't believe that one woman ordered a Budweiser. In England! Utter madness."

"Getting back to your evening with Matthew, what happened after dinner?"

"The fountains in the square nearby were going so we first just watched them for a few minutes. After that, well, Matthew wanted to show me a maze app that was linked to the fountains, and we ended up playing with that for a half hour or so before I decided to call it a night. Yes, Matthew did walk me back to my hotel, and we chatted in the lounge just off the lobby before he left. I then headed back to my room to get ready for bed and ensure I had enough sleep before my flight the next day."

Quinn sat for a moment for before, "That all sounds pretty reasonable to me. While I know that there were some pictures of you and Matthew at dinner, I don't recall anyone mentioning the fountains or going back to the hotel. Have you mentioned any of this to Morgan?"

Dana shifted to face Quinn. "No. When I text Morgan and ask if I can call, he brushes me off."

"Have you said anything besides asking him if you can call?"

"No."

"Hmmm," Quinn hummed. "It might be worth trying to tell him why you want to call, perhaps by saying you want to let him know what all happened that night."

"That might work," Dana conceded. "Honestly, I'm just perplexed by Morgan's lack of flexibility on this one. I know he's met Matthew and has previously heard me out on this attraction. I've also let him speak about his insecurities around this. Something has to have been triggered here for Morgan to get this upset over it. I feel like I've been transparent about my side of things. Why can't Morgan be the same?"

"Well, this being poly thing is pretty new to him. He was steeped in monogamy much more than we were. He got married when we were already married for several years and established a routine for talking about other guys that wandered in and out of your purview."

"Yeah, that's true."

"As much as many polyamory and psychology social media influencer types might try to peg this on you, I'm not sure this is necessarily your fault. That doesn't mean Morgan needs to do all the work to fix it, but do try to remember that if you're feeling guilty about this, well, that guilt might be misplaced."

"Maybe so," Dana said, "but until I have a chance to talk things out with Morgan, I feel like the guilt will always hover over me."

"It could. Why don't you text Morgan with the additional context and see when he's available to talk?"

"Right now?"

"Sure. No time like the present."

"I suppose you have a point."

With that, Dana pushed herself off the couch in search of her phone. Quinn took a moment to watch her and make sure she didn't need further assistance. Sometimes, he found that in poly problem solving, Dana needed some assistance in taking that needed first step before things could get going. Quinn hoped that his guidance would make that hurdle easier to overcome.