trapped in a soap opera

boyfriends, vodka, and strippers

Ok this sucks, got home from church (i work at the nursury for gas and cigarette money i dont go to church), called John (b/f in OK) and he was on his way to Cheyennes (strip club in ft smith where i used to work). that sucks ass!! I wanna go. not only does he get to go--im stuck here with nothing to do except homework. I took a few shots of vodka before i called him, wanted to get a little nasty on the phone, but he was on his way out the door, so now im buzzin, thinkin about him goinand me not gettin to, and have no one to talk to. makes me think of the night before i left OK, when we went and got dances, and i gave him a private dance when we got home--that was the most erotic night of my life--we never even made it off the couch! wish he was here or really that i was there so we could do it again. i dont worry about him bein there--when i worked there i tried to get him to hit on me and he wouldnt--hes not into the whole strip club thing he just goes to play pool with richard, but it still sucks!!!!! i wish it was aug already so i would be around didnt have to be in this shitty town anymore.
I was going to go to the moose tomorrow for karaoke (my favorite past-time and no i dont suck), but i have a calculus test on fri so greg (a guy in my class that i used to hang out with when Roy--my 1st husband--and i were getting together) and i are going to get together at his house to study--yea i can drink and not have to hide the bottle (living with my parents again sucks ass). hope hes not hoping to get some--not that im entirely faithful to John, but not going to cheat unless a REALLY GOOD opportunity presents itself (hey hes 5 hrs away i need to get laid every once in a while), anyway we'll see what happens--i can deal with men, if i havent gotten anything else out of this fucked up life of mine its that. anyway, finally thought of a idea for my speech class today--everyone liked it so i guess thats what we're doing. Echo and i talked today--her fioncee is funny she told himn about what we had talked about and he was trying to get her to talk to me about a 3 some--not that im against it but i am with John so if it happens it will be with him. took my first test of the year today--abnormal psych (the story of me LOL) think i did ok but i guess ill find out Fri. by the way if you havent figured out i am not a big fan of punctuation, not that i dont know it i just dont see the point in slowing down and making this all neat and tidy--thats not me. im a free thinking person and my hands cant keep up with my mind in the first place so why would i want to add another complication. no one is online right now--that sucks--im in the mood to talk (in case you cant tell). drinking does that to me. I have half a mind to call Josh right now (my ex from when i was like 16--the one that got away) but im afraid he would think im some weird stalker ex--i wouldnt mind getting back together--i know its a rediculous though we are so totally different now he still goes to church and stuff--but he was the greatest--i just want his friendship back---i dont know anyone here anymore. i have no friends and no life--i cant meet new ppl either cause i mostly get along with guys and they all want a piece of ass generally which i cant do cause either i dont want to, and i have a b/f already. anyway i talked a lot and probably will more later, so im gonna sign out for now, it will get better as i go on but right now since no one knows anything about me (and my current situation is pretty dull) i have a lot to say.