trapped in a soap opera

mi vida loca and playin hooky

seems i never have time to write in this thing anymore, been hangin out with Perk till like 5 in the morn and shit and by that time i cant get online cause dad's up and he is usually on.

Poor Perk, i knew his last g/f was a bitch, but we were talking the other night and he has not been with that many ppl that actually touched him--as far as sexually. I mean how do you have sex with someone without thouching them much. thats my favorite thing to do--touch and tease. its rediculous. he also couldnt remember the last time he got head (i fixed that one) i know that its been at least a year or two. Thats just crazy--i know its not the most appealing thing to girls but ya know get over it. ahh well anyway....enough of my sex life and thoughts about sex...

Goin to Perk's tonight. Supposed to be spending the night with him. Much as it's kinda weird cause its Valentine's day, that's not how we're thinking of it--its just this is the first night since we've been hangin out that we havent had to be up at ungodly times the next day. This whole situation IS JUST FUCKED UP!!!!!!!! i don't knwo what to do with him, i know im bein shallow, but dammit i can afford to be, i dont want this. I want to concentrate on school and shit. Ever since i met him weve been going to bed late and shit, ad i havent been getting shit done--i even missed a test today (we get to drop the lowest anyway but i shouldve taken it it was stupid to miss) My whole life is just a fuckin mess. Im afraid i'll hurt him though if i back off and hes such a great guy--i dont knwo what to do but i got to get school as a priority again.

I AM SO FUCKING CONFUSED!!!!!!!!!!!
like thats any different from normal.
ok this is just getting worse so i am goin to stop writing.

oh yeah another thing about bein with Perk--is that i can talk to him--thats a good thing but it's not. i start talking and get depressed so seems like if were not at gregs im always depressed when im with him. it sucks--i need to talk about all this shit, but i cant right now--i just need to cope with it the way i have been--it would be very detrimental to try to work this shit out right now--i cant fuck up school again.
ok like i said i need to quit now--i'll probably be back though.