trapped in a soap opera

mad at Amanda and mom--a boring night though

well I ended up bein busy online talking to everyone about this shit so im tired and don't want to get into it again but i do need to keep y'all up to date so i guess i will.

I'm kinda in a bored, bitchy mood cause i've had nothing to do all night (Perk is at a frat retreat, greg's was kinda quiet for once, and i couldn't find Shawn) and cause of a whole blow up over valentines day with my mom.

Heres the scoop--Amanda (my son's stepmom) had Sean call mom for Valentine's day and not me. I got pissed about that, but what made it really shitty is that mom took up for them. she was like " well you cant expect the wife to call the ex-wife" well its not like my son can dial the phone himself yet so yes i fucking can--she took the job which means she has to deal with me. anyway i just said "no i cant expect anything, im just his fucking mom" and stormed out. Its like all of them (Roy, Amanda, and my mom) have decided that Amanda is Seans mom, and my mom is second in line for the job. i admit i havent been aroudn a lot for the past 2 years, but ive done the best i could. I didnt even have the money to eat sometimes, or a vehicle, but i found ways to come see him as often as i could anyway. Its just totally fucked up.

Anyway on to the usual subject--Perk. We went out for Valentine's Day yesterday. Perk, Greg, Robin and i all went to Teal's i had some shrimp alfredo which would have been really good except the dumbasses put shrimp with tails in it--you know how hard it is to be in a nice restaraunt trying to get the tails off of shrimp in cream sauce HA HA. It was beautiful im tellin ya. Anyway then we went to Gregs and played drinkin games but i ended up with a terrible headache, so we went on to his house. We talked a while then had sex. Got up this morning and he brought me home then went to work. Anyway the situation is getting worse... i dont see it going anywhere over a long period of timw--maybe in a few years, but we dont have that time--im moving in Aug. I have no doubt that if we kept dating that he would go with me, but i think thats too soon for him to be doing that. Ive always gotten into relationships too soon like that and it never works so i wouldnt want him to do that. That and he cant understand how i can be how i am with him and not feel the way he thinks i do. I guess its because when im with him i just kinda let myself slip into a fantasy world--but reality always comes back around in the end. kinda like in my head were not dating, but in reality we are--weve been together almost every night since we met. If i didnt think so much of him i wouldnt worry so much about this shit, but i have this feeling that im going to hurt him and i dont want to. Its almost like i want to break it off now before it goes too far and we cant even be friends after. Fuck, i dont know--why cant i just have a normal life for once--AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyway i gots ta go to bed--got to head to the nursery tomorrow morning.
bye for now