trapped in a soap opera

Perk and i are officially umfriends

for anyone who doesnt know "umfriends" are the people that when you introduce them you say "this is my um....friend" We had a long talk tonight, about how i dont see this going a long way, but that i need what we have right now. We agreed to that--i see it going on like this till Aug when i move--and he said if thats what happened its what happens, then being friends once i move and just having a LARGE phone bill. Ha Ha. So, in review, we're close friends, who both need the companionship (holding hands, literally sleeping together) who also have sex sometimes. kinda friends with LOTS of benefits. We'll see what happens--if he can keep to it.

Ok back to an earlier part of the day--took the Calculus test--think i did ok. decided not to go to Abnormal Psych because all we were doing was going over the test that i didn't take. I was hoping that i could talk to Greg about Perk for a little while instead. Sometimes i feel like Greg is one of the few people who understands where i am right now--being with a wonderful person, but knowing that eventually your'e going to get bored with them and want to sleep with someone else, or need to fuck someone else to get away for a while. I was finally forced to figure out why, when using sex as a outlet, that it can't be the one you're with--usually i do that when im depressed. When i am depressed i am trying to stay as far away from emotion as i can--open up to one emotion, open to all the other shit thats going on--having sex with the person i love or whatever cant be done without emotion--a random fuck can. Anyway we talked about Perk and about Robin, about his Grandpa and shit. He actually has to make the decision whether or not to get his brother out of rehab to go to the funeral--that would really suck--his brother isnt the family favorite right now, but greg feels like he is still his brother no matter what so he doesnt know what to do. we decided that Perk and Robin should get together with their relationship tendencies--cause theyre both really great people dating assholes. Anyway i had decided to really talk to Perk tonight, make him understand this time what i wanted to say. I did and the earlier mentioned thing was decided on. I feel so much better now--it is defined, and he said he wouldn't try to push it past that until i said i wanted to.

Perk said he wanted to be there for me and help me--even if that doesnt mean me dealing with this shit. truthfully, right now if i were to let this shit out of the closet, i would need to be on some serious drugs--i would be locked in my room with a few gallons of vodka for a few months or years otherwise. I NEED to go to school and work and shit so i can't afford that right now, and that's what i had ot make him understand also. I havent had anyone to talk to in about 6 yrs and thats when my life has turned to shit, so there is a LOT of shit to deal with, that i cant really afford to deal with right now as i was saying.

Anyway its about 2:30 and i have to do my dialogue tomorrow, so i guess i had better head to bed, im going to have to get up early and practice tomorrow since i got into this shit with Perk and didn't have a chance to.

Still waiting to hear from the DA that they got my community service shit ok, and what is going on with mr Jimmy Lee--victims rights state that im supposed to be informed of what is going on with the case--but theyve never told me anything besides that they finally got around to filing the attempted rape charge--3 mos later! Not that im really that bent out of shape about it--ive been over that shit for months now, but im still curious as to what they do to him (if anything)
well as i said i got to go to bed.

Oh yeah one last thing--I GOT AT 96 ON MY LEGAL ENVIRONMENT OF BUSINESS TEST!!!!!!!! GO ME!!!!!