My True Soul

Girls

I just realized what a great girl one of my friends is gonna become. She, in many ways, will be what I need and want in my life. But, I know I'll prolly never have a chance with her nor will it work out. That's...saddening. It truly is. Like you know them, you know... just... goodness it sucks! And at the same time, I must forget about that and just truck on.

Right now, I'm talking to Camp. I...don't know...I really don't. I'm kinda interested, I kinda just wanna see what'll happen. But, I really don't think it'll go anywhere seriously. She just asked me what Sarah'd do if I got another gf...was that a hint? I don't know. I don't want a gf right now, not unless I already knew the girl really well, then maybe. I just wanna date and see how things go. She's butch...btw. Which, I...don't... normally go for. But she's... a soft butch, which, lol... I don't know, goooodness!!! I just told her something that made me feel sad... she's just like "dont be sad" and, I dun know. She did smoke, but she's in the process of quitting. I don't like smoking at all and I really don't care for drinking. Btw, she called me today...I was getting some lunch, in the process of getting my food, so I called her back. Got her voicemail, then she called me back. I talked to her for about 20 minutes. I wasn't too nervous, I think she was more so than me. I don't know, she sounds sweet, she is country tho, but not too bad.

I'm still thinking about Smith...like...all the time. I told Sarah about Smith, heh, woopsies... I was just like... talking about stalking and um, it came out, lol. I was thinking, lol... stalker!!! Ahem "As I've matured: I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in." Hehehe.

I just cannot express to you guys how much I like her from what she looks like and from what her personality seemed like... I want to get to know her better, I wanna see if we have stuff in common, I wanna see if maybe I could get up the nerve to ask her out on a date, but, :-/ meh, she's older and that... that... scares me. But, I'm prolly trying to fish for someone who isn't interested in the bait I'm throwing out, or if so, one bite and then spit it back out. I wish I had so much confidence I coulda just been like "You're really beautiful, I would love to get to know you better, and would you mind giving me your phone number?" that night. *sighs* I'm pathetic.

I also got picked on, in a way, cause I'm a virgin. Yes, you guys now know, I am a virgin, congrats. Big deal, lol. I wanna wait for someone who I wouldn't regret having sex with for the first time.

I guess I have a lot of things that make me an odd bird. I just wanna find someone who has similar feathers.


I am EASILY made happy, lol. April, ya know this, lol. See, she's spoiled me with hugs... and I miss'em, btw. But I know how it is to be tired... so we cool.


I wanna go to this party on Saturday night, it's at the GAY TRAILER!! =D Yeah, anyways, it's supposed to be really good, there's a chance that Smith'll be there. And other bisexual females and lesbians. *pouts* but my parents are coming in on Friday night or Saturday morning and staying til Sunday. I wanna go, I do, meet some more girls to drool over and all... some more to confuse my life with, wooot! It is college, I may as well enjoy! Adios, I have math to do, and I said I'd call Camp again later. Oo, I said something about one of my friends last night and she was like "ooo, so you're already trying to cheat on me...." she sounded like she was joking, I should hope so, or else, that wasn't a good move. Tinnyway!