My True Soul

Fireflies

Fireflies look like twinkling little stars when there are so many of them. I don't think I've been so amazed by fireflies since I was a little kid. They're so pretty and enchanting. It makes me want to go out and just lay on the ground and watch them and look at the night's sky. And the sky, it's so clear and the air smells so great. I want to watch fireworks, I want to be alone, but yet, I don't.

I went out to the movies tonight with Adam and Steph (Hepher) and yeah... it was... interesting. I love Heph cause she always gives people these big hugs and it made me realize how much I enjoy that. She's kinda changed....we were talking about all that... She and Adam don't think I've changed, I'm not sure what to think. They said I just kinda seemed to have stayed the same...perhaps. She told me some of the ways she's changed, it really doesn't change my opinion of her any.

She was asking me what has went on in my life...I don't know what to say, I don't know how to put it, I'm not even sure if anything has or not. I'm just lost. Then she said something about the people around her in college being lesbians and blah blah blah, Adam kicked her under the table because he knows I'm bi, then she started asking me if I was a lesbian or anything (not in a way like it made a difference, just a curious way) and honestly, no, I'm not. So, I told her I wasn't. She didn't ask if I was bi - loopholes. I don't know, I felt like telling her tonight.

I asked April if I've changed. She said I had in someways. I agree. Whenever I was talking to Hepher I told her I just don't put up with crap anymore and I don't talk about stuff anymore. Some people may never know how I really feel inside. I only share myself with a couple of people now. I did share myself with Eric and Kat... but yeah... they're starting to form their relationship and I feel like I get in the way. Even tho, Eric told me if I ever needed anyone he knew for sure that 2 people would always be there for me - him and Kat and that made me cry. And it's making me tear up again. Blah. I don't know, I love Kat to death, but sometimes I realize she just is 16. Things will be fine whenever she gets a lil older or when she is serious, things are fine overall.

I almost called Carms last night and again tonight, but I always decide against it. I'd really like to talk to her and I know I could talk about just about anything, but I just can't bring myself to call her, meh, it bugs me.


"And I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad/The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had" - "Mad World"