My True Soul

Story of an Ex

I just added a bunch of poetry to this website that I use to basically store my poetry. Well, a lot of it, actually all of it was for Sarah. Not that I wrote it now, but I wrote it... whenever during the times we were together. It really kinda sucks to re-read some of it now. Cause, I realize some of it is good stuff or maybe someone else would appreciate it and I hate getting rid of stuff just because I wrote it with someone in mind. Anyways, she is my past, I can't change that. But reading it again makes me want to go "you idiot!" and then parts of it...I'm thinking "who was I writing this for? This sure as heck does not sound like anything Sarah would do...she never did anything like that and she never would have with me." It was what I wanted her to do, it's what I expected of her, it's what makes me feel loved. Maybe that was why I wrote so much poetry about her and about our relationship...cause most of it isn't reflective of our relationship...at least the things that are better pieces aren't...they're more like dreams/fantasies. The more I think about it, those poems were what I wanted because I wasn't getting what I wanted...or at least that sounds like a good way to think about it. I wouldn't think about it like that, but I keep thinking "she never did that stuff, she never seemed like she would"

I'm not sure, maybe it's just me being bitter or something cause I used all those words and feelings for her and now they don't matter to anyone. Maybe it's just the story of having an ex.

Have ya ever felt like you were completely corrupting someone or that you weren't a good influence on someone? You look and you just wonder how you could ever be a good influence or you realize you're probably causing someone to change....and I wonder if the changes I may be causing are any good at all. They've never seemed to be before. I feel bad and I want to know the answer...am I a bad influence? Am I causing them to go completely in a bad direction or just go bad any at all? Is it right? I feel kinda lost. The more I think about it...I'm not a good influence, at least, not for this person. It's odd to feel so close to someone, but not fit in with them. I've been like that before, but before, I didn't feel like a bad influence really.