My True Soul

The last nights...

It's now Saturday.

YAY! I just got a bit of an e-mail from Rach, it's really nice to know she's okay.

On Thursday night, Halee kept sending texts, so I finally called her. I didn't want to, and I must admit that what Shorty said was really a good thing to remember. "If you feel obligated to call her, don't. Unless it could be something really bad." Well, it wasn't and isn't good. Her dad's in the hospital dying and I'm not sure if I should call her more or not. I call her and she seems to not realize what's going on and just wants to talk like normal, which maybe is her coping tactic. I'm not sure. But her dad calls, she says she'd hung up on him twice... he's dying and she hangs up on him... he called her today when I was on the phone with her and she's like "I can get rid of him..." and I just refused to let her do that. I woulda felt so bad for that. Anyways, I'm really lost about all of this, but when she said she was feeling suicidal...I told her not to do anything I wouldn't and that her mom really needed her right now...I'm sure she does. Hopefully she'll listen to that. =(

And Wednesday night, Monique text'd me, called, and left a voice mail. Her text I didn't get until after the call. The call, I was using the bathroom and about to leave soon after. I listened to the voice mail, she has a really interesting voice/accent. Went to Amanda's, did all that, sent Monique a text...told her thanks for calling, sorry I missed it, that I'd give her a call later or the next day. She said whenever I felt comfortable.
Thursday night, I called her. She was watching some movie, it was blaring, I could barely hear her, and grr, I don't know, that just made me nervous. Of course, yeah, I'm pretty much always nervous the first few times I talk to anyone.... yeah, lol. And she's older, which is really a change, although she's just 21. Before, girls older than me just looked down their noses at me... I guess cause most of my fun is like PG 13 rated. Anyways, we talked about 20 minutes... it was pretty smooth and I just flat out told her I was nervous and would be until I talked to her a few times. Her response "It's all cool" She's probably one of the most laid back people I've ever in my life talked to and I think that's what I really like about talking to her.
Friday - during the day. I called Halee, talked to her, she seems not to be suicidal - GOOD! Monique and I ended up sending text messages back and forth all day, talking through them. She'd sent one late last night to say thanks for callin' and all this. That was just fun because I've never really done that with anyone. Anyways, she jokes about me being sweet and being smooth, lol... nah I think she's talking about herself. I'm still confused to why she's not with anyone...but ya know, someone will come along for everyone.

Shorty went with me to Starkville, I kinda felt bad cause it was last of the minute and neither of us really got any sleep. I was so tired today that I could barely stand on my feet at times...dizzy, just bad feeling. It sucked. Then my parents wanted to stop everywhere along the way, it just drove me nuts.


In addition to all of this, my dad brought up a conversation he had with my Aunt earlier today concerning my cousin Jen. Jen called and talked to my Aunt and told her that she's been trying to get in contact with her dad and step-mom, but the letters she sends always come back with "no longer at this address" on there. She calls, doesn't get an answer. Leaves messages, never gets a call back, blah blah. You get the picture. My Uncle pretty much seems to refuse to talk to her. Anyways, she asked my Aunt how I was doing, I was just surprised she even remembered me. She wanted to talk to me and all this. Wanted to talk to my parents. Seems like her mom's been pretty sick lately and they don't know what her mom has. Also, her grandmother passed away recently... well... both of them are gone now. To me it just seems like she wants to know the family she has on her dad's side, she never really has known us. It doesn't seem like she's been really close to her mom's family, plus they're, to my knowledge, still in Korea. I don't know, I'm curious to see what goes on with this and it also pisses me off about my uncle.