Tales from the Bookstore

The Porn Man

This happened last Christmas to my co-worker, Dan.

The phone rang and Dan picked it up.

"Hello, thank you for calling, how may I help you?"

The voice on the other end of the line was male with a long, slow country drawl bordering on redneckish.

"Yeah, um, yeah. I was wonderin' if yall sell any o' those pornos?"

Dan, figuring (correctly) he was talking about the Playboys responded "Yes, we do."

"Well, have you looked through any of em?"

Dan paused for a moment. "Um, no sir, I haven't."

"Well, ya see. Me and my wife want to try some new positions and we wanted to know if you could suggest anything."

Dan paused for a longer moment, blink a couple times, then got his voice to answer. "Well sir," he recovered smoothly, "you'd have to come in and look for yourself."

The conversation ended shortly after that. Its people like that that make you scared to answer the phone.