My True Soul

I heart John Saul he's the love of my life...

Parents really drive me insane sometimes. They just do, it's as easy as that. I forget why I came back for the summer. I think I was fooled due to the stress and the boringness of my collegehometown...but surely I could have found something to do. In one sense, I can't wait to go back. But then again, I know the stress will return...but I think that's better than the constant feelings of insanity that I go through now. My parents are now arguing in such a manner I can hear them. This is why somenights, I just go places without a purpose. It's not because I want to go hang out really as it is I just need a break from them. Some nights, I think I could go just sit and be by myself for hours on end...just to be able to think and not have them bugging me. And yes, I'm whining, I realize this.

My dad suggested that my mom and I go shopping and the thought...well, it drove me batty. I hate being in a store for hours on end. I really do. We spent 3 hours at one store and I started getting cranky...was just so tired of being there. I'm really in a good mood, I'm baffled about everything...but in a good mood. I think I'm gonna start reading more. I sat down and read for about an hour today and that's the best I've felt. It lets me escape into the book, it lets me do something purely for my enjoyment. Talking to someone, unless it's a close friend, requires too much thought. I was thinking about calling Chandra tonight, but I don't know if I feel like it. I think I'm gonna go out with Lily, to do what, I don't know. I'm really not hungry at the moment and I just feel like being a bum. I need to call her in a little bit and discuss what we're gonna do and until then, I'd like to lock myself in my room and just read....how likely is that going to be?

I'm reading John Saul's Midnight Voices at the moment. I have another book by him to read... I'd like to get his newest one. Blackstone Chronicles...that's the next one. I also have all of Douglas Adam's books now...I cannot wait to read it. And I'd like to read Clockwork Orange. And to re-read The Fountainhead or perhaps read Atlas Shrugged.

I'm now looking for scholarships...I'd like to enter some that don't require essays. I'm so tired of essays. I actually wrote a poem last night and that was kinda amazing.

My friend Jake is asking me what's wrong. I don't know what to tell him. Alas, I'm gonng keep looking through this first page of scholarships and then call Lily and then go read.