My True Soul

Has it really been a year??

Alright. I have to get back into the routine of things. In saying that. NO MORE NAPS! Friggin. I took one earlier and now I'm still up. It's 4 am, it's not good. Alas, this is gonna be my last night to do this for a while.

It seems so odd to me that it's been a year ago that I was just starting college. It seems like so much has happened. I've spent most of the night going through papers - school papers. I found stuff that I did when I was a freshman in high school. It's odd to look at the way I wrote then and how I do now. It's still me, but it's nice to see that my skills have refined. It's also interesting to look at my handwriting, I swear it changes all the time. Lately? It's been REALLY sloppy which has bugged me actually. I have handwriting that often enough is straight up and down, which most people find weird. And my handwriting from all of my 9th grade stuff I saw, it's all big, bigger than it is now, so weird.

I've spent this whole night just going through things. I'm super picky and organized about school stuff. It's one less stressful thing if you know where all your crap is, right? Right. But yeah. The thing I remember most about last year is being tired, being thankful I finally had a place to sleep at night, getting used to living by myself in this unfamiliar place, realizing I was going to have to go into college n be responsible for studying n all. Wondering if Mrs. Burns was right about how I was gonna love college (she was) and thinking about the size of the classes. Trust me, if you take a class that has 300 something people in it during your first semester, psht, none of the rest are that bad. I also remember reading Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and staying up and talking to April at night. I think that's when she and I first realized we had a lot more in common than we knew, correct me if I'm mistaken. I also remember spending my drives back and forth thinking about what had occurred in July with Sarah, wishing I'd just get a chance to talk to her. And I remember thinking about different friends, good lord. I cannot believe it's been a year.

I had a couple of freshmen stop me today and ask me if the Hump was where they went to get their parking decals. (I say freshmen because if they weren't, they woulda known) And that was... an odd perspective. Going and getting my books for the first time. That was such a blur.

And oh my, going to my first GLBF meeting... it took so much gut for me to actually go, I remember trying to make myself go several times and I was just too scared. And then I got busy and never went in the Spring. I'm gonna try to go this Fall. Lot of issues that are gonna be coming up, I believe. But, goodness... going for that first time... seeing that girl - Ashley - and us just looking at each other... she knew and I knew... it was just this understanding thing and I have no clue how to explain it excepts - gaydar/rosie o-meter if you will.




When you have a long or involved history with someone, you want so desparately to hang onto it, don't you?