My True Soul

Nice melons ya got there!

I'm still organizing my school stuff, believe it or not. Do you ever have those days where you just really get into watching the History channel or the Discovery channel? Yeah, well, that's me today. I've watched the history channel all day.

I have to go to school tomorrow n you know what? I know what time my classes are, but, lol, I have no clue what order n where. I might should try to remember that, eh? It's amazing how we humans adapt to things. Adapt to changes. Things will be fine and I'm sure I'll pull through everything. I'll eventually return to updating more often. Probably will be about 2 weeks.

My rents and I spent about 30 minutes talking to my neighbor - Anna. She's such a sweetheart. She's been selling watermelons the last 2 days, lol. The other day, I came in and said "Hey Dad, Anna's got melons!" and he just laughed at me for saying it like that. She had a couple of guys yell at her 'HEY, NICE MELONS!" lol, along with guys on a fire truck asking her if she wanted to put out their fire. Let me mention now, she's married, lol. I don't know, she's not drop dead gorgeous, but she's attractive for sure... I'm not sure how or why, but she is. I'd never really thought about it until earlier. She's so sweet tho, so the looks... whatever... but I just was thinking about that. It's so cute when her and Brad are outside tossing a football back and forth, cause she can't catch, then she giggles whenever she drops the ball. So many nights that's what I listened to as I studied.

I've also been thinking about a buncha things. There are often times where it seems I get myself stuck between a rock and a hard place. No matter what I do, it's like something gets screwed up. Then if it doesn't, I get afraid to talk to someone because I'm afraid that I'm the last person they'd ever want to hear from. Then I never say anything. I really should stop doing that. But, like I said, I get afraid.

Also, have I really changed from last year? Things have changed, but have I? Most everyone says no - including my parents. Jake says I really haven't changed much since I was 15 - I asked him cause he and I started talking when we were about that age. Now that's kinda bummage there. Well, meh, up sides and down sides. It means either I haven't "grown up" or it means that I had a lot of things "figured" out then. Which I know I didn't. I was trying to figure out religious stuff, trying to figure out sexuality, I did not have them figured out nor was I comfortable with them at that point. It's only been within the last year that I've gotten comfortable with my sexuality and really the last 6 months that I've been somewhat comfortable in religious beliefs. Being around Sarah in public, that's what kicked me in the ass about the sexuality. It's a different thing to be there than here. There people really don't give a damn. Here? I imagine so. I kno so. Meeting Eric and talking to him about religious things... that's what has helped that. He and I've only been somewhat seriously talking for about... a year and 2 months now -- sad times.

I guess it means I haven't "grown up" yet. Meh, perhaps in time.

I'm talking to him now... =) Yay. I was kinda feelin down, now... well, at least I won't feel down for a bit. I'm gonna skidattle.